Maggie Jacobs

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Played by:

Ashley Jensen

Who is Maggie Jacobs?

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Episode Screenshots

Season 1, Episode 04	Season 2, Episode 01
Season 2, Episode 05	Season 1, Episode 02

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Maggie Jacobs Quotes

Season 1 / Episode 4: - Les Dennis

Maggie Jacobs: Would you rather have a bionic arm or a bionic leg?
Andy Millman: I think a bionic leg, so I could hop to work.
Maggie Jacobs: I think leg too, but so I could kick people.
Andy Millman: But a bionic arm would come in handy some nights.
Maggie Jacobs: I don't get it...
Andy Millman: Never mind.

Season 1 / Episode 3: - Kate Winslet

Maggie Jacobs: [quietly, embarrassed] He likes to talk dirty on the phone. He'll call me up and he's coming out with all this filth.
Andy Millman: Why... would you tell me that? [grinning] What does he say?
Maggie Jacobs: He calls up and says things like "Ooh... what are you doing?"
Andy Millman: What do you say?
Maggie Jacobs: Well I didn't know what was going on at first - I didn't realize - and I was just honest with him and I said "Oh, I'm just cleaning out the vegetable drawer to the fridge."
Andy Millman: [bursts out laughing] What if he thought that was a euphemism? "Ooh, I'm cleaning out my vegetable drawer. Ooh, I'm scrubbing my front step." Have you talked dirty back to him?
Maggie Jacobs: No, I have not. I don't know what to say to him, it's too embarrassing. What if I say something and he just laughs at me, or something and it's too much and he gets all offended?
Andy Millman: Well no, it's just stuff like "Ooh, I'm playing with myself." [they laugh]
Kate Winslet: [getting coffee behind them in her nun's habit] Sounds interesting.
Andy Millman: Hey. Not me, her.
Kate Winslet: Go on.
Andy Millman: [pause, then in a rush] Her boyfriend likes to talk dirty on the phone and she doesn't know what to say to him.
Kate Winslet: Oh yeah, that can be a bit awkward. Why don't you just start with something light, you know, like um - "I'd love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa-Loompas," you know, something a bit fun, a bit jokey. And then you can get more hardcore, run with the old classics, like "I'm playing with my dirty pillows," "I'm aching for your big purple-headed womb ferret." And then go straight in hard, like "Get 'round here 'cause I'm fudding myself stupid and I'm bloody loving it." Right?
Maggie Jacobs: [incredibly uncomfortable] Yeah.
Kate Winslet: Okay? Back on. [stands up, walks away]
Andy Millman: [to her as she walks away] Love to Sam Mendes. [stunned, to Maggie] Kate Winslet, talking dirty to Anne Frank and Joseph Goebbels, just another normal day.

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Maggie Jacobs Photos

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