02x17 - The Ride-Along Season 2 / Episode 17: - The Ride-Along

Marie Barone: That's it! No more tag-arounds!
Robert Barone: It's a ride along, Ma.
02x17 - The Ride-Along Season 2 / Episode 17: - The Ride-Along

Robert Barone: [on the radio] Open warehouse door check out okay. We'll do another check in a while and if need be call in the bow-wow.
Robert Barone: [to Ray] That's a police dog.
Ray Barone: A bow-wow's a police dog? How do you crack that code?
02x17 - The Ride-Along Season 2 / Episode 17: - The Ride-Along

Ray Barone: Maybe later we can climb a tree and save a meow-meow.
02x16 - The Checkbook Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Checkbook

Debra Barone: Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats, you don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
02x15 - Marie's Meatballs Season 2 / Episode 15: - Marie's Meatballs

Debra Barone: All I'm saying is that given everything I do around here, why do I care so much that I can't make meatballs for my husband as good as his mother?
Ray Barone: Because you're a good wife.
Debra Barone: Don't you ever, ever call me that again.
02x15 - Marie's Meatballs Season 2 / Episode 15: - Marie's Meatballs

Ray Barone: Let me ask you something. How do you make those meatballs?
Marie Barone: What do you mean?
Ray Barone: I mean, you know, I know there's meat and there's balling but what do you put in it? Is there like a recipe or something?
Marie Barone: I stopped using a recipe years ago. I cook from here.


Frank Barone: And you nag from here.

02x15 - Marie's Meatballs Season 2 / Episode 15: - Marie's Meatballs

Marie Barone: Oh, Frank. What are you doing putting back an empty thing?
Frank Barone: That's not empty. There's some left there.
Marie Barone: Two drops? Who's going to drink two drops of juice?
Frank Barone: I am!
Marie Barone: All right. Let me pour you a nice glass of juice.


Marie Barone: Say when.
Frank Barone: Right there's perfect!


Frank Barone: Ah! That was good. I think I'll save the rest for later.
02x13 - All I Want for Christmas Season 2 / Episode 13: - All I Want for Christmas

Raymond "Ray" Barone: I can't believe you shot me, Robert!!
Frank Barone: Stop it! You're ruinin' it!!
Raymond "Ray" Barone: I gotta lie here all afternoon?
Robert Barone: It's gotta be authentic!!
Raymond "Ray" Barone: What authentic? Stone-Wall Jackson's wearing a beeper.
Robert Barone: His wife's pregnant!
02x13 - All I Want for Christmas Season 2 / Episode 13: - All I Want for Christmas

Harry: Wow, Mrs. Barone, you're a sight for sore eyes.
Frank Barone: And mine are pretty sore.
02x13 - All I Want for Christmas Season 2 / Episode 13: - All I Want for Christmas

Debra Barone: What am I going to tell Tom and Maryann?


Raymond "Ray" Barone: Frankly my dear... I don't give a damn.


Debra Barone: Idiot.
02x12 - Civil War Season 2 / Episode 12: - Civil War

Ally Barone: Daddy, what's an appointment?
Raymond "Ray" Barone: Well honey, an appointment is when two people decide to meet.
Debra Barone: Like going to the dentist.
Ally Barone: Oh.
Raymond "Ray" Barone: So, sleeping with me is like going to the dentist?
Debra Barone: Well, we both say the same things. "Sit back, relax, you won't feel a thing".
02x12 - Civil War Season 2 / Episode 12: - Civil War

Ray Barone: [to Robert, after he accidentally tore off the top of his Christmas tree] You just hate anything bigger than you, don't you?
02x11 - The Letter Season 2 / Episode 11: - The Letter

Debra Barone: Um did you guys get the...
Robert Barone: Mail? Oh yeah.
Debra Barone: Ray did everybody read that?
Frank Barone: You're my favorite writer!
02x11 - The Letter Season 2 / Episode 11: - The Letter

Debra Barone: Marie I think you misunderstood the purpose of that letter.
Marie Barone: I think I understood it very well. According to you I'm intrusive, critical
Frank Barone: Overbearing
02x11 - The Letter Season 2 / Episode 11: - The Letter

Frank Barone: Is this a petition? Where do I sign?
02x11 - The Letter Season 2 / Episode 11: - The Letter

Ray Barone: [He enters the house and sees Helen setting up for the party] Am I in the right house? Cause I have these dreams sometimes.
Helen: I'm Helen from tupperware
Ray Barone: Yep. That's one of 'em
02x11 - The Letter Season 2 / Episode 11: - The Letter

Debra Barone: [after everyone leaves her party early] This is not what I wanted!
Marie Barone: Of course it isn't dear. Nobody *wants* to throw a bad party.
02x11 - The Letter Season 2 / Episode 11: - The Letter

Frank Barone: It's a whole bag of nighties...
Debra Barone: No, Frank that's... It's for a game.
Frank Barone: I'm in!
02x11 - The Letter Season 2 / Episode 11: - The Letter

Helen: Ok, for more free tupperware, it's time to play, "Guess Who's Nightie?" Did everybody put their nightie in the bag?
Debra Barone: Yes, Ma'am.
Amy MacDougall: Yes.
Marie Barone: No. I didn't bring one. I wasn't told about the party.
Helen: Well, why don't you pick first?
Marie Barone: Ok.


Gayle: I guess Amy.
Debra Barone: Yes!
Marie Barone: Amy? No.
Amy MacDougall: Well, I never wear it.


Amy MacDougall: Actually, I bought it special for this game. Really. Robert's never seen it!
02x10 - High School Season 2 / Episode 10: - High School

Ray Barone: When I dance, people think I'm looking for my keys.
02x10 - High School Season 2 / Episode 10: - High School

Debra Barone: Ray, the kids have to be picked up soon. Can you go get them?
Ray Barone: I just sat down.
Debra Barone: What are you, 80?
Ray Barone: What are you doing?
Debra Barone: I'm sorting the catalogs.
Ray Barone: Oh, God's work.
Debra Barone: Come on, one of us has to go.
Ray Barone: You go.
Debra Barone: I *always* go, Ray.


Marie Barone: Watch your step, Frank.
Ray Barone: All right, I'll go.
Debra Barone: No, I'll go.
02x10 - High School Season 2 / Episode 10: - High School

Warren: Scott cried during the SATs when he skipped a question by mistake and all his answers were off by one.
Ray Barone: Yeah.
Scott Preman: That wasn't funny, okay? I had to go to community college.
02x10 - High School Season 2 / Episode 10: - High School

Marie Barone: I need your counter space. I accidentally doubled my cookie recipe.
Ray Barone: What's that, 5,000 cookies?
02x10 - High School Season 2 / Episode 10: - High School

Debra Barone: Oh look, "The Eagles Return To The Nest"
Ray Barone: Yeah, we were the eagles. Now where are the bald eagles?
02x10 - High School Season 2 / Episode 10: - High School

Ray Barone: [to Debra] That guy's got hair. You promised me bald people!
02x10 - High School Season 2 / Episode 10: - High School

Robert Barone: [about Ray's hair] He uses conditioner doesn't he? Then he tops it off with the volumizer?
02x09 - The Gift Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Gift

Raymond: You don't get it. It's not that I don't have to worry for a year, it's that I have a YEAR to WORRY!
02x09 - The Gift Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Gift

Robert Barone: Well Dad at least you still have the good old remote boat. Where is it?
Frank Barone: I needed a coffin for Stan.
Robert Barone: You buried Stan in the remote boat?
Frank Barone: Ally wanted to have a ceremony. You don't just flush a forty dollar fish down the toilet.
02x07 - Working Late Again Season 2 / Episode 7: - Working Late Again

Debra Barone: You know, your mother was right!
Raymond "Ray" Barone: Oh, that's crazy talk.
02x07 - Working Late Again Season 2 / Episode 7: - Working Late Again

Robert Barone: I could of been a pretty good hockey player. I was big, I had the toughness, good hand-eye coordination.
Ray Barone: Yeah, but eventually you would've had to let go of the side.