Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

- Episode Quotes

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Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Everybody Hates Lasagna Ms. Morello: [while trying to a escape a 'fire'] Chris, You might be black, but you're not fireproof.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Everybody Hates Blackie Detective Marino: Lady, my shift ends in six minutes. Fill out this report. Rochelle Rock: And that's it? Detective Marino: That's it. Rochelle Rock: So you're not gonna help us out at all? Detective Marino: No, but we're here to comfort you.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Everybody Hates Thanksgiving Mr. Harris: [it is thanksgiving and Chris is looking for mac and cheese] Macaroni and cheese on Thanksgiving? That's like looking for candles on Hannukah.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Everybody Hates Malvo Chris Rock: [after Malvo has been caught by the police, for stealing from Chris] Hey, you didn't even have a real gun! Malvo: It's hard to rob a gun store, man, they've got guns.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Everybody Hates Elections Julius Rock: You lost ten dollars? That's ten dollars worth of dollars!
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Everybody Hates Father's Day Himself - Narrator: I wonder if it would ruin our friendship if I smacked his eyebrows off.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Everybody Hates Corleone Joey Caruso: Silly negro.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Everybody Hates Corleone Julius Rock: That's the smell of a working man! Rochelle Rock: No. That's the smell of AQUAMAN.
	Season 1 / Episode 17: - Everybody Hates Funerals Thug #2: Hey little dood from across the street, here you go man. [hands him some money] Chris Rock: What's this? Thug #2: I robbed your grandfather a few times, I ain't know you knew him!
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - Everybody Hates the Gout Julius: That's a two dollar pair of underwear you're messing in!
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - Everybody Hates the Gout Rochelle Rock: Don't come home stupid! Chris Rock: [All kids] We won't!
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - Everybody Hates Valentine's Day Joey Caruso: Roses are red, violets are blue, you stink like a monkey and look like one too! Happy Valentine's Day.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - Everybody Hates Valentine's Day Chris Rock: [to the girl on the bus who got him into trouble] Hey, I don't need help getting my ass whooped, that's the only thing I’m good at.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - Everybody Hates Valentine's Day Chris Rock: [Reading Hate Card Caruso left in his locker] "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue... Please go back to Africa and take your Mother with You."
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Chris Rock: Can we bring a box of canned goods? Chris' Teacher: Oh, you don't have to do that, you need those things yourself! Chris Rock: What are you talking about? My family's doing fine. Chris' Teacher: [Sympathetic] I know. I know. Himself - Narrator: She was acting like I was having a bowl of steam for dinner!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Rochelle Rock: So, you do understand. Tanya Rock: Yeah, it's okay to lie.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Rochelle Rock: Oh baby, you'll be able to use up all hot water you want. Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] So all I'm getting is a clean ass. Julius Rock: Steaming hot.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] My mother would give away all the food we had, if she thought it would prove we didn't need it.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Tanya Rock: [about her new doll] I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll with long hair! Rochelle Rock: How about you have no doll with no hair? Tanya Rock: Thanks.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] My mom had amazing hearing. You couldn't do anything in that house without her hearing. Himself - Narrator, Rochelle Rock: [Cut to Chris dropping a bag of cotton balls on the floor in the living room, whilst his mom is in a diffrent room on the other side of the house] Rochelle Rock: Chris! Quit throwing cotton balls all over the place!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] If you had a Walkman, you could even listen to bad music, and no one would know... unless you were dumb enough to sing along.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Everybody Hates Christmas Tanya Rock: I know there's no such thing as Santa Clause. Himself - Narrator: When my mother heard Tonya say those words, it was like she wasn't her baby anymore. Tonya - Age 30: [Rochelle imagines Tanya aggressively confronting her years later as a young adult] So, what else did you lie to me about? Are you really gonna kick me out if I get pregnant? Is it true you ain't takin' care of no baby? Can I really not bring a white boy home? Does the Foreman Grill really knock out the fat? Can I really get a loan with no money down? Are you my real mother? Momma, I want ANSWERS!
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Everybody Hates Greg Himself - Narrator: I thought I'd see George Bush wearing a do-rag before Tonya got in trouble.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Everybody Hates Greg Rochelle Rock: Why are you late? Chris Rock: Uh, my bus broke down. Rochelle Rock: Well, next time you better get off and fix it!
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Everybody Hates Greg Rochelle Rock: Who wants to play "Clean Up This Damn House"? Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] I won the "Take Out The Garbage Competition" four years in a row!
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Everybody Hates Food Stamps Himself - Narrator: Like wars, most fights are started by people who won't get hit.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Everybody Hates Food Stamps Greg Wuliger: Hey, why don't we do a thing on plate tectonics? Himself - Narrator: I thought "plate tectonics" was the original name of the Wu-Tang Clan.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Everybody Hates Food Stamps Chris Rock: You know, there's a reason why you didn't have a friend until I came along. Greg Wuliger: And there's a reason why you don't have a friend now! Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] It was like Andrew Ridgeley leaving Wham!
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Everybody Hates Food Stamps Chris Rock: This is perfect. Mercury's closest to the sun, Venus is second, Earth is third, and we have four moons around Mercury. It's perfectly to scale. Greg Wuliger: Quit lying to yourself. Chris Rock: What's that supposed to mean? Greg Wuliger: If Earth was actually this close to the sun, we'd all be dead. Chris Rock: Greg, it's a science project. It looks great. Greg Wuliger: We gotta do it over. Chris Rock: Do it over? Do the whole universe over? Are you crazy? It's looks great the way it is. Greg Wuliger: This isn't great. It sucks. Chris Rock: Look at this kid. His project is a bug in Jello. We're fine. Greg Wuliger: I knew you didn't take science as seriously as I do. Chris Rock: Einstein didn't take science as serious as you do. Greg Wuliger: I knew I should've gotten another partner. I can't turn this in. People will think I'm an idiot. Chris Rock: What are you trying to say? Greg Wuliger: I said it once and I'll say it again, this sucks. Chris Rock: You know, if you want to do something else, well, then do something else. Greg Wuliger: I'm not gonna let you screw the whole thing up. Chris Rock: You know, there's a reason why you didn't have a friend before I came along. Greg Wuliger: There's a reason you don't have a friend now. Himself - Narrator: This must be like Andrew Ridgeley leaving Wham.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Everybody Hates Food Stamps Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] My mother hated using food stamps because she was a ghetto snob.

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