Ari Gold

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Played by:

Jeremy Piven
Born in Manhattan and raised in Evanston, Illinois, he is an alumnus of the Piven Theatre Workshop founded ...

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Ari Gold Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Give a Little Bit Dr. Marcus: Do you want to destroy these people? Ari Gold: OK yes. If I could gouge out Terrance McQuewick's eyeballs and eat them for what he did to me I would. And I would sell that Benedict Arnold Adam Davies into white slavery if we lived in a market that would allow it. AND LLOYD? That little queen! Who I welcomed into my home and allowed him to play with my children and care for my dog, for leaving me to work for those two scumbags, I would tie him up and would allow the entire Screen Actors Guild to anally rape him if not for the fact that I think he would enjoy it. I want, no, I NEED this company because it's good business. It's good god damn business. If I don't buy this business someone else will, and that will be very, very bad for my business. And my wife of all people should know that when it comes to business my judgement is never clouded. So please support me and I will deliver us like I always have. Mrs. Ari: I think it was a good speech.
	Season 5 / Episode 11: - Play'n With Fire Ari Gold: [to Vincent] Listen, take a deep breath and relax. It's all gonna be fine. Eric Murphy: How? Ari Gold: Because the Jew has arrived and he doesn't like Germans.
	Season 5 / Episode 11: - Play'n With Fire Ari Gold: It's all gonna be fine. Eric: How? Ari Gold: Because the Jew has arrived and he doesn't like Germans!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Redomption Ari Gold: [about Alan] He's dead, Eric. The joy of me losing was too much for his angry little heart.
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Fantasy Island Ari Gold: I'm gonna skull-fuck you Davies!
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - The Young and the Stoned Ari Gold: [after Mrs. Ari asks him how she would do on her reprised role on Young and the Restless] You left the show when you were 25, and they shoot in Hi-Def now.
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - The Young and the Stoned Ari Gold: It's a soap opera. There is no good, there are just degrees of bad.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Gary's Desk Ari Gold: Jeter and A-Rod let their dicks fly in the same locker room and they fuckin hate each other!
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Gary's Desk Ari Gold: [calling Eric in his office] Like the new office number, E. You know it spells 274-cock?
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - The Weho Ho Ari Gold: I parted the Red Sea for you, E, now don't piss on the sand.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Dream Team Ari Gold: Save your homo-erotic slave-labour for me, Lloyd. And E, don't take your shirt off, I don't want anyone to go blind from the reflection of your translusive boy-chest.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Dream Team Ari Gold: Fuck You! Lloyd: Fuck You! Sorry Ari, that was a reflex.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Manic Monday Ari Gold: [walking into the conference room to see Rob reading letters off the board due to his successful eye surgery] Great work, Rob. Great work. See if you can read this: [writing 'Get the fuck out!' on dry-erase board] You're fired, and just in case your ears are fucked, Get. The Fuck. Out! And the next person I see juggling, tap dancing, or baton twirling or doing any other circus-like tricks, will join him, all right? One-strike policy applies. Now get back to work. God damn that felt good.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Manic Monday Ari Gold: That's right, you had your little eye procedure today. Rob Rubino: It's actually not a procedure, it was real surgery. They actually had to cut into my eyeball and then they lift the cornea. Ari Gold: It's still elective though, right?
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - Dog Day Afternoon Ari Gold: He's never had a straight agent. If I'm going to be his first, I have to show him I'm a friend to the gay man. Lloyd: But, your not a friend to the gay man, Ari. Ari Gold: Lloyd, this is the big one. So just go grab your best dress and know that today your love of cock is a huge asset to this company.
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - Dog Day Afternoon Ari Gold: Sacrifice, Lloyd! Like the kamikaze pilots used to do!
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - Dog Day Afternoon Ari Gold: My assistant's about to be gang-raped by a gang of one!
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - Dog Day Afternoon Mrs. Ari (Reeves, Perrey): Tomorrow's a new day, Ari, Remember you always have a chance to get it back. Ari Gold: We're Jews, baby. No, we don't.
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - Dog Day Afternoon Ari Gold: We may be whores at my agency, but we ain't pimps!
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Sorry, Ari Ari Gold: After hearing good news: Dana, I have never cheated on my wife, not since she became my wife, but if you wanna jerk me in the car right now, I'm game. Dana Gordon: Rain check, Ari.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - What About Bob? Ari Gold: He's protected. We get 'em wet with Vince first I guarantee you they will fuck us. We blow our load with Bob and we might not even get our balls tickled. Eric: Ari, you know what, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but you're making me uncomfortable.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - What About Bob? Ari Gold: What if I were to tell you that I had a 22 inch cock, is that something you might be interested in?
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - I Wanna Be Sedated Eric Murphy: Remember me? Ari Gold: One never forgets their first love, E.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Vegas Baby, Vegas! Eric Murphy: Tradition... when we were kids, we'd hit A.C., we put 5 bucks on red. We win, we knew it'd be a good weekend. Ari Gold: What if you lose? Turtle: Vince never loses. Vincent Chase: Five on red. Turtle: Come on! Roulette Dealer: Red 16. Vincent Chase: It's gonna be a good weekend.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Release Lloyd: You know I don't like to lie, Ari. Ari Gold: Lloyd, be a man. Or as much of a man as you can possibly be for god fucking sakes.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Release Lloyd: This lying is making me breakout. God I have a date tonight. Ari Gold: Well I'm sure your date will pop that with his pecker. Don't worry.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Release Ari Gold: I always knew that you like dick, Babs. I just didn't know you were a cocksucker.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Release Ari Gold: You know what's interesting about that...is that you use the word "master plan" and "rat" when talking about me you Hitler-loving, anti-semitic, cuntbag.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Release Ari Gold: This is not a drill. This is not an emergency! Lloyd: Well, who's going to man the phones? Ari Gold: Fuck the phones, Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency titty fuck, don't answer!
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Release Ari Gold: Hey Babs. The Traitorous Skanks Anonymous meeting's next door.

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