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Characters: #1 of 10 (Full List)
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Played by:
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 | Season 3 / Episode 8: - Lost in Parking Space, Part Two Wooldoor Sockbat: We can't all keep dying and then coming back to life the next episode! It's totally illogical! Ling-Ling: [who was earlier killed and eaten] Tell me about it! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - Wooldoor Sockbat's Giggle-Wiggle Funny Tickle Non-Traditional Progressive Multicultural Roundtable! Wooldoor Sockbat: [singing] So clench your teeth and not ethnicity |
 | Season 2 / Episode 13: - A Very Special Drawn Together Afterschool Special Wooldoor Sockbat: [the housemates are role-playing, Wooldoor speaks to Xandir] "Now, you be the gay's dad". Xandir: "Oh, O.K". [deeper voice] "I love football!" [slaps Toot, who is Xandir's mother] . Wooldoor Sockbat: [points to Captain Hero] "And you be the gay". Captain Hero: [as Xandir's father] "I ain't gonna be no homo!". Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Xandir's mum". Captain Hero: [as Xandir's mother in a higher voice] "Alright, I'm asking for this!" [slaps himself] . Toot Braunstein: [Angrily] "Then who the hell am I?". Wooldoor Sockbat: "You're the homo". Toot Braunstein: [wistfully] "Can I be the dad?". Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Stan". Xandir: [confused] "Then who the hell am I?". Toot Braunstein: [angrily, as Xandir's father] "The queer!" [punches Captain Hero, who is Xandir's mother] . Wooldoor Sockbat: [disappointed] "I wanted to be the queer!". |
 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - Captain Girl Wooldoor Sockbat: This doesn't make sense... How do you horribly "penis" someone? Spanky Ham: Alright, but I'm only gonna show you this one more time... [he says as he starts unzipping his shorts] |
 | Season 2 / Episode 4: - Captain Hero's Marriage Pact Captain Hero: Would you be more comfortable if I broke your arm in three places and wrapped it in 100 dollar bills? Wooldoor Sockbat: Are you threatening me - or bribing me? Captain Hero: What an insulting accusation! Take that back before I pull out your spleen and then drive you to the hospital in your... BRAND NEW CAR! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 1: - The One Wherein There Is A Big Twist (2) Wooldoor Sockbat: Wheeeeeee! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 3: - Gay Bash Foxxy Love: I used to pretend I wasn't black. I told people I fell into a vat of chocolate pudding. Wooldoor Sockbat: [licking Foxxy's foot] You mean this isn't pudding? Foxxy Love: Did I tell you to stop lickin'? |
 | Unknown Episode: Captain Hero: Hey, pig! Great news! Wooldoor Sockbat: Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol! Captain Hero: Are you defecating into a cantalope? Spanky Ham: [farts] Uh... this is awkward. I guess if I waited an hour, I coulda blamed it on the booze. |
| Unknown Episode: Xandir: [while holding Ling-Ling] Hey, Ling-Ling, are you excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up and nods] Too bad there's no such thing as a Santa Claus! I bet your disappointed. [Xandir licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Toot] Toot Braunstein: Ling-Ling, what's this in your ear? Is it a quarter? [Ling-Ling perks up] No, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to a sickly-looking Wooldor] Wooldoor Sockbat: Hey, Ling-Ling, you, uh... excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up] Oh, no, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off] |
| Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: Of course Xandir's gay. Why else wouldn't he want all this? [shows off body] Wooldoor Sockbat: Because you're fat! And nobody likes fat chicks! |
| Unknown Episode: Wooldoor Sockbat: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Clock Tower. [cocks a sniper rifle] |
| Unknown Episode: Captain Hero: Don't make me kick your ass! Wooldoor Sockbat: Don't make me suck your cock! Captain Hero: Don't make me cuddle you like a baby! Wooldoor Sockbat: Don't make me suck your cock! |
| Unknown Episode: Wooldoor Sockbat: So God killed everyone... the good guys... the bad guys... and even Steve from Long Island... but not me. And I know why. With everyone else gone, I can finally enjoy masturbating the way he intended: by myself. |
| Unknown Episode: Wooldoor Sockbat: Holy crap! I'm supposed to be in the Witness Protection Program! |
| Next: Princess Clara |
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