Toot Braunstein

Drawn Together

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Played by:

Tara Strong

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Toot Braunstein Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Lost in Parking Space, Part Two Toot Braunstein: I know it's against gay policy, but spit it out!
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Lost In Parking Space, Part One Excludie: You can say that again. Toot Braunstein: Shut up, Excludie! Excludie: Aww... [walks off]
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - A Very Special Drawn Together Afterschool Special Wooldoor Sockbat: [the housemates are role-playing, Wooldoor speaks to Xandir] "Now, you be the gay's dad". Xandir: "Oh, O.K". [deeper voice] "I love football!" [slaps Toot, who is Xandir's mother] . Wooldoor Sockbat: [points to Captain Hero] "And you be the gay". Captain Hero: [as Xandir's father] "I ain't gonna be no homo!". Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Xandir's mum". Captain Hero: [as Xandir's mother in a higher voice] "Alright, I'm asking for this!" [slaps himself] . Toot Braunstein: [Angrily] "Then who the hell am I?". Wooldoor Sockbat: "You're the homo". Toot Braunstein: [wistfully] "Can I be the dad?". Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Stan". Xandir: [confused] "Then who the hell am I?". Toot Braunstein: [angrily, as Xandir's father] "The queer!" [punches Captain Hero, who is Xandir's mother] . Wooldoor Sockbat: [disappointed] "I wanted to be the queer!".
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - A Tale of Two Cows Toot Braunstein: [Toot wants to show off at her fat camp reunion] Meet my husband, doctor Zander. Jelly Donuts Leader: [Sees Zander; who's skinny] You bagged yourself a one chin? No fuckin way!
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Captain Girl Toot Braunstein: Don't make me wash my mouth out with ham!
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Captain Girl Toot Braunstein: [her baby is missing] I looked for my baby everywhere. I looked by the pool... [camera shows her lounging at the pool]... by the refrigerator [camera shows her pulling a six pack from the fridge]... by the pool again. [back at the pool, she's drinking the six pack] It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth. Xandir: We can't find your baby anywhere. Toot Braunstein: YOU'RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH! Oh, did you check the fridge?
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Captain Girl Toot Braunstein: [grabbing her baby] Oh, where WERE you? Since you've been gone I've been so DRUNK!... Uh, I mean, wasted! Nah, no, no, [beep] faced. YEAH, that's it, [beep] faced. Child Services Representative: Miss Braunstein, we found your baby shoplifting. Toot Braunstein: Shoplifting? I spare you the pain of all those vaccination shots and THIS is how you repay me?
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Captain Girl Toot Braunstein: [in the confessional] Even this incitful sattire of religion couldn't cheer me up. I thought i would never be happy again. But then I saw something, something that would change my life forever. And suddenly, I knew the solution to all my problems! Person offscreen: Yeah, ice cream lard ass! Toot Braunstein: [angrily] NOOOOO! [happy again] A baby!
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Terms of Endearment Toot Braunstein: [while discussing Foxxy's stereotype tumor] Uh! "Tumor"? "Racism"? Dr. Wooldoor, are you just making up words again, like "morbid obesity" and "adult onset diabetes"?
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: [trying to get Xandir's attention with her head in a guillotine] I swear to God I'll cut my fucking head off! [Xandir ignores her, Toot slices off her head and flashes him while Spanky takes a dump in her skull]
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: Sometimes I cut myself to relieve the pain
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: [to Xandir] Can't you kill yourself more quietly like Bizarro Captain Hero? [a body hanging from a tree blows in the breeze] Captain Hero: Uh... yeah. Killed himself.
	Unknown Episode: Xandir: Good-bye cruel world! Toot Braunstein: Damn it, Xander, that noise! You're keeping us all awake. Can't you kill yourself more quietly, like Bizzaro Captain Hero did? [camera pans to Bizzaro Captain Hero, who is hanging dead from the ceiling] Captain Hero: Uh, yeah, right. Killed himself, tragic!
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: If I can't be the sex symbol, then I'll just be THE BITCH!
	Unknown Episode: Xandir: Why is it whenever something isn't working, your first impulse is to eat it? Xandir: [Flashback - Toot is eating the TV] TOOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Toot Braunstein: I couldn't find the Remote.
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: Blah, blah, blah! I'm Captain Hero and I can fly! And I... Captain Hero: Do you mind, Fudgy? I'm on the phone! Toot Braunstein: I don't care! I got to call my AA sponsor! Captain Hero: [in a girlish voice] I said I'm on the phone!
	Unknown Episode: Xandir: [while holding Ling-Ling] Hey, Ling-Ling, are you excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up and nods] Too bad there's no such thing as a Santa Claus! I bet your disappointed. [Xandir licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Toot] Toot Braunstein: Ling-Ling, what's this in your ear? Is it a quarter? [Ling-Ling perks up] No, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to a sickly-looking Wooldor] Wooldoor Sockbat: Hey, Ling-Ling, you, uh... excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up] Oh, no, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off]
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: Damn it! Clara's pissing me off like Fat-Free sour cream!
	Unknown Episode: Princess Clara: [about her octopussoir] Oh, please, please don't tell anybody. I'm afraid that I must ask you guys to keep my secret with a pinky swear! Foxxy Love: I pinky swear. Toot Braunstein: [They look at Toot] FINE! I pinky swear. [Clara's octopussoir also pinky swears] Captain Hero: [knocks on door] Clara, Toot told us that you have a monster for a vagina and we want to have a meeting about it. Princess Clara: How is that even possible? Toot Braunstein: Oopsey-Tootsey! I couldn't help myself.
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: Of course Xandir's gay. Why else wouldn't he want all this? [shows off body] Wooldoor Sockbat: Because you're fat! And nobody likes fat chicks!
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: We have to fight for our food now? These competitions are bulltoot!
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: [after hearing of Spanky's game of crapping on pizza] You want to do what to pizza? The most tasty and delicious of all that is tasty and delicious? So you can sh*t on it? I should kill you where you stand! [punches a hole through the wall]
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: [drunk] I thought you loved me, Captain Morgan! [smashes bottle of booze against the wall] Oh no, you're bleeding! I'll save you, Cap'n Morgan! [licks booze off wall]
	Unknown Episode: Xandir: You were with Pepe Le Pew? You MINX... Toot Braunstein: Not the Pepe LePew... MY Pepe Le Pew!
	Unknown Episode: Princess Clara: You're probably wondering about my octopussior... It's french. [in the confessional] I've never shared my story with anyone before. It's all so... so personal. I told the girls that the only way I could get it out was through interpretive dance. Foxxy Love: Really? When you was but a child, your stepfather cast a curse on yo' vagina? Princess Clara: What? Weren't you paying attention? [demonstrates a move] My evil step mother! Mother placed the curse on me! Toot Braunstein: Uh-duuuuuh!
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: So, Clara, how was your day? Princess Clara: It was magical! Toot Braunstein: I guess it would have been if you were violated by a magician.
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: So we're just a bunch of monkies dancing for the cameras! And what do we get in return? Nothing! At least monkies get beat off by their owners once in awhile!
	Unknown Episode: Princess Clara: Have you noticed we didn't get any screen time this week? Toot Braunstein: Well, uh, duh! That's because we've been in the basement all week making this awesome potato gun!
	Unknown Episode: Princess Clara: [in the confessional] The Producers told us that we must start a business of our choosing. I wanted to have a bake sale but the stereotypes had other ideas. Xandir: Let's open a hair salon! Foxxy Love: OOOH, we could shine shoes! Ling-Ling: I say full-release massage parlour that serves wok-fried puppies! Toot Braunstein: LET'S EAT POTATO SALAD!
	Unknown Episode: Toot Braunstein: Goddammit!

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