Drake and Josh Quotes

Drake and Josh

- Episode Quotes

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Drake and Josh Quotes

	Unknown Episode: Drake Parker: [talking to Teri about skydiving] You know, I heard one in five people don't even make it to the ground. Josh Nichols: What do you mean they don't make it to the ground? Where do they go?
	Unknown Episode: Vince: [giving a lesson on skydiving] First you're gonna squat. Then your gonna pray, than leap, ahhhh... Drake Parker: Ahhhh? Vince: That's what you're gonna yell on the way down. Drake Parker: Ahh. Vince: Ahhhh! Drake Parker: Ahhhh! Vince: Then, touchdown. Drake Parker: Touchdown. Vince: Yes, that's S, P, L, A, T. Drake Parker: That spells splat...
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Dance Contest Drake Parker: [to Carrie] Hi, I'm Drake. Carrie: I'm Carrie. [they make out]
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Dance Contest Helen: ...You saying I should get married in a parking lot?
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Helicopter Mindy Crenshaw: Gahh! Crazy Steve's gone berserk! Helen, Josh Nichols: Crazy Steve? Mindy Crenshaw: Who else? Crazy Steve: [enters shouting] COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO, THE COW SAYS MOO!
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Battle of Panthatar Crazy Steve: [after Josh and Thornton are talking about his party] You know Thornton, I still haven't received my invitation yet. Thornton: I don't even know you. Crazy Steve: YOUR LOSS!
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Megan's First Kiss Drake Parker: Pip-Pip-Da-Doodalydoo
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Megan's First Kiss Megan: I am going to do such illegal things to them!
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Steered Straight Josh Nichols: We can't get into the Reptile Room [nightclub]. You have to be over 21. Drake Parker: You are over 21, Mr. Drake Parker: [pulls out fake I.D] Drake Parker: Yakatori! Josh Nichols: What's this? Drake Parker: Fake I.D. Josh Nichols: You got me a fake I.D.? Drake Parker: Yeah. Got me one, too. Take a look. Drake Parker: [hands Josh his own fake I.D] Josh Nichols: ...Jefferson Steelflex? Drake Parker: Made it up myself. Josh Nichols: [sarcastically] Oh, DID ya? Josh Nichols: So, you're suggesting we go into the Reptile Room posing as... Jefferson Steelflex and Alvin Yakatori. Drake Parker: Yeah, pretty much. Josh Nichols: I'm not using a fake I.D. It's illegal. Drake Parker: So? It's illegal to rob banks, but people do it! Josh Nichols: Yes, people who are bankrobbers!
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Steered Straight Mrs. Parker: [Drake and Josh are being "arrested," Megan begins to cry] Oh, sweetie... are you crying? Megan Parker: [wipes her eyes] I've just never been so happy.
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Steered Straight Audrey Parker-Nichols: Oh, sweetie... are you crying? Megan Parker: [wipes her eyes] I've just never been so happy.
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Eric Punches Drake Craig: Eric's a pacifist Drake Parker: I thought he was Jewish...?
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Eric Punches Drake Drake Parker: [opens the door] Aw, is it Halloween already? Aren't you a scary little witch! Mindy Crenshaw: Aww, look at your black eye. Wow I hope it hurts. Drake Parker: Shebeast! Mindy Crenshaw: Microbrain! Drake Parker: Weirdface! Mindy Crenshaw: Ignoramus! Drake Parker: ...What? Mindy Crenshaw: EXACTLY!
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - Josh is Done Mr. Roland: [Drake has just been in the chemical shower] Sit down Drake. [Drake ignores him] Drake, sit down! Drake Parker: No! Josh! Josh Nichols: What? Drake Parker: I'm sorry. I was wrong, OK? I was wrong! Josh Nichols: What do you mean? Drake Parker: Man, I'm sorry I made you late for your exam, I'm sorry I ran over your bike! I'm sorry I'm probably the worst brother in the world and you're way better off without me. And I need you more than you need me, I need you way more than you need me! I just-I just... I'm sorry Josh... I'm sorry... [walks out of the classroom] Mr. Roland: Josh, would you like to speak to Drake? Josh Nichols: [pauses] No, sir.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - Josh is Done Drake Parker: Well, then stop being mad at me. Josh Nichols: I told you I'm not mad with you. I'm done. Drake Parker: What do you mean done? Josh Nichols: I dont want anything to do with you anymore. Drake Parker: So? What? You’re just going to move out? Josh Nichols: No, this is a house where I live and I guess we'll be roommates until the day I leave for college but that’s all we'll be. I'm done with you. [walks away]
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Treehouse Josh Nichols: Megan, can you hand up the saw... Drake forgot to cut the door down so we're stuck up here in the tree house. Megan Parker: Wow... this is the best day of my life. Josh Nichols: Megan! Just give us the saw! Megan Parker: No, I’m gonna get a snow cone.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Treehouse Megan Parker: [Drake prevents Megan from picking up the power saw] You guys are making me sick. Megan Parker: Maybe I should check into "Saint Illness" [rolls her eyes as she walks away].
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Who's Got Game Girl #6: [hands Josh her phone number] Josh Nichols: Wow, all seven digits. Girl #6: Huh? Josh Nichols: Uhh... nothing! Nothing, I will call you, yes. Josh Nichols: [runs back to booth where Audrey is sitting] OK, WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF WIZARD?
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - The Wedding Josh Nichols: I had a nightmare. Drake Parker: Was it the one where you got your foot stuck in the horse? Josh Nichols: Worse. Drake Parker: Worse than getting your foot stuck in a horse's...
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - The Wedding Josh Nichols: Do you know what I'm hyper-focusing on right now? Mindy Crenshaw: Tell me. Josh Nichols: Your lips. Mindy Crenshaw: Ooh, Josh. You make me tingle like a five gigawatt capacitor.
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - The Wedding Audrey Parker-Nichols: Drake, what's in this buckets I found in your room? [Drake hesitates]... The truth. Drake Parker: Hm... Lizard pee. Audrey Parker-Nichols: Psychiatric, twice a week. Drake Parker: But Mom, Dr. Stains makes me talk to puppets.
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Mindy Loves Josh Leslie the tow truck driver: [after Drake repeatedly makes fun of his name] You know what? You can rot in a sack for all I care. Goodbye! [Starts walking back to his truck] Josh Nichols: [Gets down on his knees] No wait! Please don't go! Leslie the tow truck driver: [Without turning around] ROT IN A SACK!
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Mindy Loves Josh Drake Parker: Here, let me see if I can fix the engine Josh Nichols: You can't fix a sandwich! Drake Parker: If you make fun of me one more time, I'll tell everyone at school you named your favorite pillow Mr. PuffPuff. Josh Nichols: I'm sorry if I offended you.
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Mindy Loves Josh Mrs. Parker: Aww Drake, you don't eat a hot dog wearing a tuxedo! Drake Parker: This hot dog's not wearing a tuxedo.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Vicious Tiberius Josh Nichols: So did you get the phone? Drake Parker: Yeah Josh Nichols: Yes! Drake Parker: But then I dropped it. Josh Nichols: No! You were so scared you couldn't hold onto the phone? Drake Parker: YOU WET YOUR PANTS! Josh Nichols: ...This is true.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Vicious Tiberius Drake Parker: Evil dog, Evil girl.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Dr. Phyllis Show Drake Parker: The thing about Josh is, he'a a spaz!
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Dr. Phyllis Show Josh Nichols: [in a flashback] [to Drake] I hope you go bald! Drake Parker: [to Josh] I hope they cancel Oprah!
	Season 3 / Episode 16: - Alien Invasion Josh Nichols: We need to show Megan something scary in her telescope. Drake Parker: Dad's butt? Josh Nichols: Scarier Drake Parker: Wow!
	Season 3 / Episode 16: - Alien Invasion Josh Nichols: [after Drake has spoke French to try to scare Megan. Josh covers the microphone] We're suppose to sound like we're from outer space, NOT PARIS! Drake Parker: You know, there is a way to correct people nicely.

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