Doc Martin (UK) Quotes

Doc Martin (UK)

- Episode Quotes

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Doc Martin (UK) Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Midwife Crisis Bert Large: Your husband - is he really poorly? Marigold: He's a man, so he's at death's door, isn't he?
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Departed Conductor: I've never seen a dead body before. I'm not really sure what to do - I missed that day of training. Dr Martin Ellingham: I think it's best we get a move on. Conductor: But he's... you know, dead. Dr Martin Ellingham: It's not a condition that's going to change the longer we stop here. Conductor: Maybe we should say something. Dr Martin Ellingham: He won't hear. Conductor: He's probably gone to a better place. Dr Martin Ellingham: Well at least one of us has.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - Better the Devil Pauline Lamb: They shouldn't have kicked him out of the Army for snoring. They should have kept him in and used him as a weapon of mass destruction.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Happily Ever After Isobel: I'm going to have a natural birth - none of those icky drugs, or anything. Dr. Martin Ellingham: God forbid you should use "icky drugs" when you could experience the excruciating agony of childbirth in the raw.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - The Holly Bears a Prickle Dr. Martin Ellingham: Not for me, thanks. Salmonella en croute, made yesterday by unwashed strangers - no thank you!
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - The Holly Bears a Prickle Dr. Martin Ellingham: You're very emotional, Louisa. Are you wearing perfume? Is it sandalwood? Louisa Glasson: No, it's kenzo flower. Dr. Martin Ellingham: I wondered whether it was pheromones. Androstenone 5 has a sort of sandalwood odour - faintly urine-like, if you prefer. It's the pheromone associated with the onset of the menstrual cycle. And it's often accompanied by mood swings. Louisa Glasson: Urine-like? Dr. Martin Ellingham: It's only faint. Am I right? Louisa Glasson: A woman doesn't have to be getting her period to be a bit emotional.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - The Admirer Joan Norton: If you have a problem with my relationship, let's talk about it. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Sex on the kitchen table with a man fifty years your junior does not qualify as a real relationship. Joan Norton: I'm going to continue to see Edward. It won't last forever and it certainly isn't true love, but it's what I want. So get used to it! Dr. Martin Ellingham: [shouting after her] Osteoporosis and sexual intercourse on kitchen tables don't mix!
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - City Slickers Dr Martin Ellingham: Has your son been vaccinated against TB? Anthony Oakwood: Have I allowed my son to be injected with poison? Funnily enough, no.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Apple Doesn't Fall Dr. Martin Ellingham: Pauline, I have one word for you. Pauline Lamb: Let me guess. "You're fired". Dr. Martin Ellingham: That's two words. Phlebotomy. Pauline Lamb: What? Dr. Martin Ellingham: Phlebotomy. You obviously have no problem dealing with blood so I'm sending you on this course. They'll teach you how to find a vein, draw blood.
	Unknown Episode: Dr. Martin Ellingham: Take some time off work. Baker: Chance would be a fine thing. I've got a couple of hundred pasties to bake for the eating contest tomorrow - biggest earner of the year. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Cancel it! Baker: No, doc. Dr. Martin Ellingham: In all probability you have a stomach infection. Until I can find out exactly what it is, I don't want you spreading it around the village. Baker: It's a tradition, our contest. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Oh yes, the tradition of mass food-poisoning and the complications that ensue. Cancel it!
	Unknown Episode: Dr. Martin Ellingham: Take your hands off me, you unctuous platitudinising eunuch!
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Erotomania Louisa Glasson: Underneath the gruff, monosyllabic, well-meaning but rude person, you're... gruff, monsyllabic, and, well, rude. Dr. Martin Ellingham: What about well-meaning?
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Erotomania Louisa Glasson: Martin, there are twenty things about you that are crap. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Thank you. Louisa Glasson: But if you were a stick of rock, you'd be Martin Ellingham all the way through.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Erotomania Dr. Martin Ellingham: I embarrassed myself. Louisa Glasson: No you didn't embarrass yourself. And I'm really glad that you said what you said. I just wish I'd had chance to say that I do too. I love you too. Louisa Glasson: What? Dr. Martin Ellingham: Love is... Louisa Glasson: What? Dr. Martin Ellingham: It's a difficult word when you think that we don't actually know each other that well. Louisa Glasson: Martin, we've known each other quite a while now. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Strictly speaking, for you to say you love me when you can't possibly know that you do is... potentially... delusional. Louisa Glasson: Oh! Dr. Martin Ellingham: There are certain quite well-known disorders where a person falls, without good reason, for someone else and believes that they love them. Louisa Glasson: [gobsmacked] Pardon? Dr. Martin Ellingham: De Clerambault's Syndrome, for instance. Also known as erotomania. More common in women. They fall for a man of higher social standing. Louisa Glasson: Martin! What the hell are you talking about? Dr. Martin Ellingham: Delusional romantic attachments. Often associated with an excessive intrusiveness into the life of the object of the irrational affection. Stalking, if you like.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Erotomania Dr. Martin Ellingham: [looking into Louisa's eyes] You're so beautiful. You're so very beautiful - d'you know that? All I think about, every day, is just catching a glimpse of you. Dr. Martin Ellingham: [whispers] Oh, Louisa! Louisa Glasson: [whispers] Shhh. Don't spoil it. Dr. Martin Ellingham: I love you. I love you. Louisa Glasson: Martin, this bloody table's in the way.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - The Family Way Danny Steel: I sometimes wonder, with things not happening for me in London, whether it's a sign. It's a cliché I know but God, sometimes... Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yes, he works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? Like malaria.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - The Family Way PC Mark Mylow: I've got some news. Dr. Martin Ellingham: What? PC Mark Mylow: You'll never guess... Dr. Martin Ellingham: I don't have to. PC Mark Mylow: Go on. Try. Dr. Martin Ellingham: No.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - The Family Way Christopher Ellingham: [referring to Mark] Possesses a wonderful naivety, your chum. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yeah. Christopher Ellingham: Going to have his work cut out though. Dr. Martin Ellingham: What do you mean? Christopher Ellingham: Well, the only way he's going to keep her is if he locks her up in a cell. Mind you, you'd have to drug them to keep them. Two peas in a pod you two.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Always On My Mind Louisa Glasson: I'm sorry, he isn't normally that rude... actually he is normally that rude; he also happens to be a good doctor.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Aromatherapy Passer-by: I wouldn't park there, love, if I were you. Caroline Bosman: [angrily] Really? And if I were you, I wouldn't come out in daylight, love.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Aromatherapy Caroline Bosman: I don't drink any more than anybody else. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Do you ever find yourself drinking first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get over a hangover? Caroline Bosman: No! Certainly not! Dr. Martin Ellingham: Do you often find yourself get annoyed with people who observe or criticise your drinking. Caroline Bosman: [angrily] That's it! I've had enough! Who the hell do you think you are asking inappropriate questions about something I have not even consulted you about? Dr. Martin Ellingham: So that's a "yes", then, is it?
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Blood is Thicker Dr. Martin Ellingham: These can contain high levels of mercury, which given to somebody already suffering from a degree of psychosis, the effects can be catastrophic. Sandra Mylow: I didn't realise she was that ill. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Hadn't it struck you when she visited your clinic? Sandra Mylow: She seemed fine. Dr. Martin Ellingham: She didn't seem anything. You've never met her. Doreen Flint left this area eight years ago. Sandra Mylow: I saw her husband. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Right. Who for the last eight years has been under the delusion that he is both Victor and Doreen Flint in one body. Sandra Mylow: [gobsmacked] Oh. Dr. Martin Ellingham: There is a reason why we insist on seeing patients before prescribing a course of treatment. It's called "good practice". Sandra Mylow: People feel comfortable when they come and see me, which is more than I can say for you. Dr. Martin Ellingham: The minute I start handing out treatments left right and centre to people I've never met, please feel free to call me a stupid arrogant unqualified charlatan!
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Dr. Martin Ellingham: Why doesn't anyone in this village do as I say?
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Louisa Glasson: Ten year olds don't always know what's best for them. Dr. Martin Ellingham: I did. Louisa Glasson: Yes, but you're a bit different from the rest of us.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Pauline Lamb: Don't forget you've got the school thing today. If Louisa Glasson gets it there's a bit of a party later at the Crab. Dr. Martin Ellingham: What happens if she doesn't? Pauline Lamb: No-one in Portwenn will talk to you. Dr. Martin Ellingham: I can live with that.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Louisa Glasson: What are you watching? Turn it off! Peter Cronk: Oh, but they were just about to eat the virgin's eyeballs. Louisa Glasson: Off! Martin? Dr. Martin Ellingham: He told me it was educational. Louisa Glasson: Yes, and he just said the words "virgin's eyeballs". Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is that bad?
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Mrs. Richards: [about her husband] Oh, sure! If I mention impetigo he'll ditch his girlfriend straight away, drive overnight from Glasgow and give our marriage one more try. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Good.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Dr. Martin Ellingham: Well, as I have just explained to Peter, you are a, er, er, woman. Louisa Glasson: Oh. Glad you noticed. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yeah, years of medical training.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Dr. Martin Ellingham: Pauline, get PC Mark Mylow on the phone. Tell him there's a dangerous dog on the loose. I want it caught and put to sleep. Pauline Lamb: Put to sleep? Dr. Martin Ellingham: Destroyed, Pauline. Killed. Sent to that big doggy basket in the sky.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Season 2, Episode 2 Dr. Martin Ellingham: [to the dog] Get out!

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