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Bert Large Quotes
 | Season 4 / Episode 6: - Midwife Crisis Bert Large: Your husband - is he *really* poorly? Marigold: He's a man, so he's at death's door, isn't he? |
 | Season 4 / Episode 3: - Perish Together As Fools Bert Large: How would you feel, if you lost your girl? Because if you're not careful, she's gonna leave you, toothbrush and all. Al Large: [startled] What? Bert Large: First off, you follow her around like a lamb. Al Large: No, I don't. Bert Large: Yes, you do, and Pauline don't like it. Al Large: How do you know? Bert Large: Because she told me not to tell you. And you're "seamy". Al Large: I'm what? Bert Large: "Seamy". Al Large: I don't even know what that means, Dad. Bert Large: Neither do I - but it's not good. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - Movement Dr. Martin Ellingham: [standing in the kitchen of Bert's new restaurant] This kitchen is disgusting! Bert Large: I've been feeding myself for years. I haven't killed myself once. |
| Season 3 / Episode 2: - Movement Dr. Martin Ellingham: I want you to close this restaurant. Bert Large: [wanting to get out of earshot of his customers] Come into the kitchen. I put everything I've got into this place. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Well, you're certainly putting something into it that's making people very ill, indeed. Bert Large: I've eaten here, and I'm perfectly fine! Dr. Martin Ellingham: Bert, you've spent your entire working life with your arm down a lavatory. You're bound to have built up a resistance to certain bacteria. The point I'm trying to make is that you are by profession and design a plumber, not a restaurateur. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 6: - Haemophobia Bert Large: [listening to programme in the pub] Doc Martin'll see the funny side, he'll just go with the flow. Caroline Bosman: Welcome to Radio Portwenn, you're talking to Caro... Dr. Martin Ellingham: [phoning in to Caroline's radio programme] This is Doctor Martin Ellingham. I'd like to get a few things crystal clear for you and your puerile listeners. I admit to having certain difficulties but they have not and they never will impair my functions as a doctor. And the incident with a certain village plumber was in fact a prank with some ketchup which, I might add, kept me from attending to patients in my surgery. [ranting] As to the so-called homeopathic remedies, if there's one for chronic infantilism then I suggest that your caller and the entire village embark on a course immediately. Thank you. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 3: - Sh*t Happens Bert Large: So I've given everyone the runs? Dr. Martin Ellingham: Quick as a flash. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Sh*t Happens Dr. Martin Ellingham: You know, when I told my father that I wasn't going to follow him into the navy, we didn't speak for three months. Bert Large: Yeah, but now you're older, you can understand his point, can't you? I mean, that's what I was trying to say to Al. Dr. Martin Ellingham: No, we still don't speak actually. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - Going Bodmin Bert Large: Way I see it, you need patients and we need a doc. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Going Bodmin Bert Large: The word you're looking for is stopcock. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Going Bodmin Dr. Martin Ellingham: Elaine, does Susan Brading know Gilbert Spencer? Bert Large: Know him? Only in the Biblical sense. Dr. Martin Ellingham: What do you mean, she gave birth to him in a stable? |
 | Unknown Episode: Bert Large: Son, I know it's your phone bill and you've got your own money coming in, but those mobile phones damage your head membranes. Al Large: Dad, I've got Bluetooth. Bert Large: There you go, exactly my point. |
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