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 | Season 4 / Episode 6: - Terrible Twos Earl Sinclair: [presenting the toy car wrapped in paper] Son, this present is for good little boys, you can have it, as long as you promise to be good. Baby Sinclair: [Faking Innocence] I'll be good... I promise. Fran Sinclair: It's not right, Earl, bribing a child to behave! Earl Sinclair: ...and if it works? Fran Sinclair: It's a short sighted, stop gap, quick fix solution... Earl Sinclair: You don't have to sell me on it. Earl Sinclair: Look son, a CAR! Baby Sinclair: [Excited] A car, oh boy! Robbie Sinclair: Gee Dad, you never bribed me with anything neat like that. Earl Sinclair: You were never rotten enough to deserve it. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Terrible Twos Robbie Sinclair: [about Blarney] He's terrible, Mom. I can't imagine a worse role model for a child. Earl Sinclair: [from other room] Ouch! Darn it. I hate you, you stupid toy! |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Terrible Twos Baby Sinclair: Gimme dessert! I want a million cookies now! |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Terrible Twos Baby Sinclair: Gimme cake! Ice CREEEEEEAM! |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Terrible Twos Babysitter: The power of rice compels you. The power of rice compels you. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 4: - Driving Miss Ethyl Ethyl Phillups: [reading road map] According to this map, we've completely strayed from all known civilization. We've passed the Mysterious Gorge, and the River of Blood, and now we are deep in the heart of the Valley of the... Roosters. Earl Sinclair: Valley of the Roosters? Your eyes are shot, give me that map. Here it is, and it is not Valley of the Roosters, it's Valley of the Monsters. Monster! Ethyl Phillups: See any... roosters out there? Earl Sinclair: No. Ethyl Phillups: Maybe we should turn around. Earl Sinclair: Good idea... Earl Sinclair: Uh, cock-a-doodle-doo. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 1: - Monster Under the Bed Howard Handupme: Stay tuned for the movie of the week, based on this incident, but with a much more exciting ending. And nudity. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 22: - The Clip Show II Sir David Tushingham: So... off to my place for a bit of fun? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 19: - If I Were a Tree Baby: Wait a minute! Lightning struck twice in the same place? |
| Season 3 / Episode 19: - If I Were a Tree Fran Sinclair: [to Earl] You were in the tree and [looks] oh my - the tree! [the storm has torn down the tree WeSaySo was to blow up] Ethyl Phillups: [narrating the end of the story] There is a time when each of us shall return to the Earth, this was the tree's time, but it was nature that decided, nature, and not the dinosaur. |
| Season 3 / Episode 19: - If I Were a Tree Ethyl Phillups: [wrapping up If You Were a Tree] Good story, eh? Baby: Stupid! Ethyl Phillups: Why do you say that? Baby: The tree pusher, he didn't learn anything, stupid! Ethyl Phillups: But did YOU learn something? Baby: [realization]... Yeah. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 18: - Dirty Dancin' Film Announcer: The Pangea Department of the Navy presents an instructional film on naval hygiene: "Cankers Aweigh!" or "Down Periscope." Captain in Film: Hey sailor! Going ashore? Sailor in Film: Oh, you betcha, sir! I'm gonna hit one of the local dance halls. I hear the native girls do the hoochie-coochie something wild! Captain in Film: Come about there, swabbie! Don't you know those waltzing Matildas can give you a mating dance related injury? Sailor in Film: Nah, that would never happen to me. That would happen to the other guy! Captain in Film: That's where you're wrong, sailor. Mating dance related injuries have reached epidemic proportions, and YOU could be next! Sailor in Film: This is valuable information. Tell me more! Captain in Film: Well we all know that the mating dance is most appropriate within the confines of a loving monogamous relationship, preferably marriage. But if you are going to dance with a stranger, always use protective footwear! Sailor in Film: Oh, come on, Captain! I don't have to worry. Nothing's going to happen to me. Captain in Film: That's what Ensign Doyle thought. Hey Doyle! C'mere! Show this fellow what a mating dance related injury looks like if left untreated! |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Dirty Dancin' TV Announcer: And now back to "Totally Ineffectual Dad". Mother on "Totally Ineffectual Dad": [kid runs by on fire] Honey, I think something's wrong with Jimmy. He seems to be on fire. Shouldn't we talk to him? Totally Ineffectual Dad: I don't know, honey. What if I say the wrong thing? |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Dirty Dancin' Mother on "Totally Ineffectual Dad": Oh dear. It looks like Jimmy tried to put out the fire himself by jumping in the river. Totally Ineffectual Dad: See? It's best we don't interfere in these matters. Mother on "Totally Ineffectual Dad": He doesn't know how to swim! YOU never taught him! Totally Ineffectual Dad: Let him learn to swim the way I did... on the street. TV Announcer: Tune in next week for the hilarious funeral episode on "Totally Ineffectual Dad!" |
 | Season 3 / Episode 16: - Honey, I Miss the Kids Robert"Robbie" Sinclair: I wrote this song for a girl who used to ignore me, until I played it for her . |
 | Season 3 / Episode 15: - Steroids to Heaven Spike: You admit you're doing thornoids? Robbie Sinclair: Yeah so what? Look where they got me. [big muscles] Spike: Yeah and look what it's costing you, Caroline doesn't want to see you anymore, your family thinks you're going crazy, and I've had just about enough of you touching my jacket. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Steroids to Heaven Spike: [to Robbie, who since taken thornoids has gotten rough with Caroline] For future references, when a girl says 'don't touch me' and runs off, that's a baaaaad date. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 14: - Out of the Frying Pan Mr. Myman: [trying to keep Fran and Baby in showbusiness] You could have your own show, talk about anything you want, cooking, household cleaning... how you raise everybody's favorite baby. Baby: Mama? Fran Sinclair: Hmm? Baby: WHERE'S MY LIMO? Fran Sinclair: [to Mr. Myman] You want to know how I'm going to raise my baby? Well it is NOT going to be on some movie lot surrounded by a bunch of manipulative, two faced cellular phonies. He's going to be raised here by a family that loves him and knows what's best for him. Mr. Myman: I see, [to Baby] Your mama's trying to flush your career down the toilet. We're not going to let her get away with that, are we? Baby: [looks at Fran and back to Myman] Yes! [hits Myman with a frying pan] |
 | Season 3 / Episode 13: - Green Card Earl Sinclair: What is that sound I hear? Is it someone running down our proud nation? Someone spitting on our glorious flag? Oh! Then it must be Monica! Fran Sinclair: She's just stating her opinion, Earl. Earl Sinclair: Yeah, an unpatriotic negative left-wing wacko opinion! Monica DiVertibrae: Are you suggesting we just ignore the problems out there? Earl Sinclair: As patriotic citizens, it is our duty! According to the Chief Elder, times are only bad if we think they're bad. So we should fill our heads with happy thoughts, and our nation will prosper! Monica DiVertibrae: You're just deluding yourself. Earl Sinclair: Exactly! And it's that kind of delusion that's made our country what it is today. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 12: - Getting to Know You Baby Sinclair: I've got a present. Francois Jean-Marie Poupon: [curiously] Oh, I where would I find it? Baby Sinclair: In my diaper. Francois Jean-Marie Poupon: [furiously] Ugh! You are disgusting! Ha! Baby Sinclair: Shut up! Francois Jean-Marie Poupon: Awk! Baby Sinclair: Shut up! Francois Jean-Marie Poupon: Awk! Baby Sinclair: Shut up!! Francois Jean-Marie Poupon: Awk! Baby Sinclair: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! |
| Season 3 / Episode 12: - Getting to Know You Baby Sinclair: [hits his daddy with a frying pan] Not la mere! Not la mere! |
| Season 3 / Episode 12: - Getting to Know You Fran Sinclair: You know, Earl, I'm actually learning a lot about the cultural differences between us and Francois's species. We may be different on the outside, but underneath it all... Fran Sinclair: ...I really want to kill them! I wanna kill every single one of them! Earl Sinclair: Fran, this is the side of you I've never seen before! I wanna take it hunting. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Clerk at Death Pit: I present to you the ultimate symbol of male supremacy, the TV remote control. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Earl: I won't be home for dinner, Roy and I are going down to the mall to cruise the food court... Robbie: Isn't it a work night? Earl: But Roy is going. Robbie: Well I'm not Roy's father. Oh I see, you're testing me. Well I think you're at an age where you're mature enough to make your own decisions. Earl: Oh cool. Have some wax lips. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Baby: Robbie. Um, tell me a story. Robbie Sinclair: Life stinks, The End. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Earl Sinclair: I thought I told you to mow the lawn. Robbie Sinclair: I told you, the lawn mower is broken. Earl Sinclair: Scissors. Cut it with scissors. Robbie Sinclair: Oh come on. Earl Sinclair: Geez you kids have it too easy. When I was your age we didn't have lawn mowers, we didn't have scissors, we had to get down on all fours and graze like a cow. Robbie Sinclair: Dad. Earl Sinclair: Mooooo. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Robbie Sinclair: Dad, I'm here with a girl. It might help if you didn't make me look like the world's biggest weenie. Earl Sinclair: Well pardon me, Mr. Dignified, I didn't mean to belittle you as you were about to hit the ball up the clown's pants. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Robbie Sinclair: Everyday it's the same thing. He comes home and says "Franny, get me a beer." And then he yells at me. Earl Sinclair: Oh not true. Sometimes I yell at you first. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Man Over P.A.: Attention, Robbie Sinclair, your father is here. Robbie: That's it, I'm gonna tell him where to get off this time. Man Over P.A.: He looks really steamed. Robbie: Gulp. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Son Also Rises Fran Sinclair: Earl Sneed, Sinclair if you touch one scale on that boy's head, I'll disconnect your premium cable channels. Earl: You'd make me watch basic? |
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