Alice

Dilbert

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Kathy Griffin
Kathy Griffin, a native of near-west Chicago suburbs, is the youngest of five children. She has three ...

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Alice Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 17: - Ethics Alice: What's the old familiarity technique? Wally: It involves spending so much time with a woman that she gets used to your faults. It's like falling in love but without the expense. Dilbert: If I could have made this tobacco lobbyist spend enough time with me... Wally: ...while she was using you... Dilbert: ...then maybe, just maybe, the inertia would carry her beyond the point of being repulsed by my personality. Wally: Then one day if she breaks up with a socially functional boyfriend, she might be to emotionally crippled to date again. And there Dilbert will be. Alice: Why don't you just date a woman who respects you in the first place? Wally: You can do that?
	Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Fact Pointy-Haired Boss: Perhaps we need further research? Dilbert: Yes! Pointy-Haired Boss: Perhaps further study? Dilbert: Yes! Pointy-Haired Boss: Who's got time for that, you prig? No, we need to create some favorable facts first. Dilbert: Favorable facts? Pointy-Haired Boss: Yes. Favorable facts. The other kind are worthless. Wally: We could flip a coin. Pointy-Haired Boss: No, too risky. Loud Howard: We could test humans. That's always fun. Asok: What about monkeys? Or rabbits, or puppies? We've had some success hurting them in the past, haven't we? Alice: Dilbert could do some tests on mice. Mice are full of favorable facts. Pointy-Haired Boss: Very good. Mice it is. Dilbert: This is ridiculous, but at least that's vaguely scientific. I'll need a budget to get some mice. Pointy-Haired Boss: We're not PAYING for mice. Good God man the streets are full of them!
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - The Virtual Employee Wally: Wow. Old Zeke! Alice: Actually, that's Young Zeke Who Takes Really Bad Care Of Himself.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The Gift Alice: A gift certificate is completely different from cash. Dilbert: No, it's not. They're both pieces of paper you can exchange for goods and services. Alice: You're missing the point. Dilbert: Actually, a gift certificate is worse than cash, because you can only use it in one place. Wally: And it expires. Alice: At least it shows some thought. Dilbert: It shows defective thought. You're trading perfectly good money for something that does the same thing, only not as well.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Prototype Alice: I've got images in my brain I'll never get out.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Prototype Alice: You made this happen. You made me think of Dilbert and sex at the same time.
	Unknown Episode: Wally: Wow. I never knew that little people could be so sexy Alice: That's disgusting. I can sue you both for making this a hostile work environment Dilbert: Ten minutes ago you beat a man senseless. Alice: He was senseless before I beat him.
	Unknown Episode: Alice: Man, she must've blown some smoke up your butt. Did she use a giant fan or just some kind of hose?
	Unknown Episode: Dilbert: Must one person's triumph be another's humiliation? Alice: Of course.
	Unknown Episode: Alice: I think I speak for all women capable of reproduction when I say... no.

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