Dharma & Greg Quotes

Dharma & Greg

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 5 / Episode 12: - Previously on "Dharma & Greg" Gunther: [to Dharma] I love you. Will you marry me? Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: What? Meditation Leader: He wants to marry you... Shh. Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: Oh wow. Gunther... No! Gunther: I thought... I thought that's what this was all about, 'n' you wanted, commitment. You wanted somebody that'd be there for you. Somebody you could build a family with. Let's do this. Maybe this lady can marry us. Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: No, no, no. Gunther. I can't marry you. There's someone else. Gunther: There's someone else? Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: [sighs] There's gotta be.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - The Box Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: I'm a leggy blonde. Trouble finds me
	Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mad Secretaries and Englishmen Roger: I am a tabula rasa. A blank rasa.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Play Lady Play Dharma: [holds up ice cube] Look, Greg, it's your mother's heart! Greg: Melt it and we'd have your father's brain!
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Welcome to Hotel Calamari Edward Montgomery: [talking to Dharma] Hey, I put the F-U in fun little lady.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Dharma and Greg on a Hot Tin Roof Greg Montgomery: [Kitty enters living room in sunbonnet and stocking feet] Mom, where are your shoes? Kitty Montgomery: Oh, darling... I can't do the accent AND wear shoes at the same time! [Edward enters room, dressed as Colonel Sanders] Greg Montgomery: [seeing Edward] MAYDAY!
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Brought to You in DharmaVision Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: [hearing Greg and Larry screaming about a bear in the background] Did you hear that? Jane Cavanaugh: Yeah. It sounded like [pause] a buncha screaming Girl Scouts!
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date Greg Montgomery: Well, I wouldn't want our marriage to get in the way of your dating.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date Donald: [upon seeing Dharma in her dress for the prom] Wow. Greg Montgomery: [annoyed] Yeah, wow.
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Valet Girl Jane Deaux: You are so cheap! Pete Cavanaugh: I'm not cheap, I'm sensible. Jane Deaux: You wash your hair with laundry detergent! Pete Cavanaugh: Hey, if it's good enough for my underwear, it's good enough for my hair!
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Much Ado During Nothing Dharma: Hey, you know what, Kitty? Greg and I worked really hard, but I think you guys deserve this. Kitty Montgomery: What is this? Greg: It's a duck. Edward Montgomery: That's not a duck; it's a goose. Dharma: Yes. But Captain, my Captain, 'goose' does not rhyme.
	Season 1 / Episode 17: - The Official Dharma & Greg Episode of the 1998 Winter Olympics Larry: [referring to a stuffed grape leaf] Hey, how do you light this one?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The First Thanksgiving Kitty Montgomery: Oh, Gregory, darling, every bride thinks she wants to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and it always ends up the same. Someone cries, someone is rushed to the emergency room and a perfectly lovely bird gets wasted. Which, if I don't eat soon, will be me.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Mr. Montgomery Goes to Washington Dharma: [to Abby and Larry] Hey, guess what I'm doing! Larry: Acid?
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Yoga and Boo, Boo Dharma: [answering Greg's cell phone] The cellular customer you have called has traveled outside the service area. Please hang up and return to a simpler way of life.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Yoga and Boo, Boo Dharma: Greg, don't you understand? This injury is the universe's way of telling you to slow down. Greg: Any universe that talks to me through my groin can go around the corner and kiss my butt.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Ex-Files Greg: As unusual as this may sound, I'm not really into picking up guys for my ex-girlfriend, with my wife.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Ex-Files Edward Montgomery: Gregory I appreciate you taking a moment to settle this little thing. Greg: No problem dad. That's why the FBI built the crime lab, to get to the bottom of these critical Gin Rummi disputes.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Ex-Files Greg: Dharma, it doesn't matter if there's somebody out there who on paper is perfect for me because I love you. Dharma: Yeah, well, a dog can love a chicken [Greg gives her a funny look] But eventually he's gonna want another dog 'cause chickens don't chase cars and all the love in the world won't change that.
	Unknown Episode: Kitty: You want to save the duck, you need to save the lake. You want to save the lake, you need to raise money. You want to raise money, you need to find some ninny to be man of the year.
	Unknown Episode: Dharma: [to Greg] Who sprinkled YOU with horny dust this morning?
	Unknown Episode: Kitty: Take my dress. It has magical powers.
	Unknown Episode: Larry: Hey, Kitty saw me naked. Dharma: Me too.
	Unknown Episode: Greg: [to Dharma] I wouldn't want our marriage to get in the way of your dating.
	Unknown Episode: Dharma: Welcome to the Pompous Room. May I check Madame's pole, or will she be keeping it up her butt?
	Unknown Episode: Greg: What's in the pipe, Larry?
	Unknown Episode: Greg: Justice Department. Treasury Officer: Treasury Department. Dharma: San Francisco Library.
	Unknown Episode: Greg: Justice Department Treasury Officer: Treasury Department Dharma: San Francisco Library Jane Deaux: Organ Donor
	Unknown Episode: Kitty: Fine. As long as nobody gets their way, I'm happy.
	Unknown Episode: Dharma: One time when I was babysitting your monkey, I took him to a fancy party without telling you. Jane Deaux: Is that where he started smoking again? Dharma: MmmHmm... Jane Deaux: Do you know how hard it is to get a nicotine patch to stick to a monkey?

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