Designing Women Quotes

Designing Women

- Episode Quotes

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Designing Women Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Charlene Buys a House Mary Jo: Well, that's a fine thing to see first thing in the morning: "The Return of Rusty," or "Nightmare on Crack Street, Part Two!"
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - Miss Trial Julia Sugarbaker: [Julia is counting juror ballots] One for, One for, and one against. Alright that's seven to four. Who didn't vote? [Janice, a mime, raises her hand] Well, Janice, what is the problem? Did you intend to mime your vote? Janice: I'm just not comfortable making a decision yet. Julia Sugarbaker: I see. Yet you are perfectly comfortable smearing your face with white grease paint and annoying pedestrians all over Atlanta, interesting.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - They Shoot Fat Women, Don't They? Suzanne Sugarbaker: [trying to find a dress for the class reunion] Maybe I have gained a little weight. I don't think it's that noticeable. I mean, it's not like I'm going to enter the banquet room followed by a tidal wave. I'll just wear something that, you know, covers everything up. Julia Sugarbaker: Well okay, but you've gained a little weight in your face too. Julia Sugarbaker: Okay that's it! I don't have to take this. If I wanted to be insulted I could have stayed at home and waited for a crank call! Anyway, you all have certainly made your point. I'll just be going now. That is if you think the streets of Atlanta can stand the strain of both me and my Mercedes. Anthony Bouvier: Hey Suzanne! You're just the person I'm looking for. How would you like to sign up for a two day food fast? Suzanne Sugarbaker: How would you like fat lip?!
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Manhunt Suzanne: Oh, hey, how 'bout one of them? No, wait, forget it. 2 guys, 1 cart, fresh pasta... figure it out.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Julia Gets Her Head Stuck in a Fence Suzanne Sugarbaker: I think these pantyhose are too dark for this dress. Julia Sugarbaker: Oh, my goodness. Suzanne, do something. That could be embarrassing. I mean, in 45 minutes when the finest people in Georgia are gathered here before me, I wouldn't want anyone to say, "Did you see that woman with her head stuck in the staircase? Yes. That woman the Governor just stepped over? Don't you think her pantyhose are a little dark for her dress?" Suzanne Sugarbaker: Now, listen, I have a lighter pair right here. Julia Sugarbaker: Suzanne, of all the experiences I would like to avoid, I believe having my pantyhose changed in the front hallway of the Governor's Mansion would rank right up there.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Julia Gets Her Head Stuck in a Fence Suzanne: You know, I'm sorry, but I don't think we like your tone of voice. Who do think you're talking to? For your information, we are the Sugarbaker sisters of Atlanta. We had people living here long before it burned. Our great great grandfather was Robert E Lee's roommate in college. Our other grandfather helped write the Georgia constitution. I, myself, have stood in the rose garden with Jimmy Carter. So, even if we do, on the particular day, happen to have our head temporarily stuck in a fence, we are not going to take any crap off some 2-bit low level bureaucratic usherette.
	Season 3 / Episode 22: - Julia Drives Over the First Amendment Terry Wilder: Well, I see I'm getting nowhere. We're both business women, let's just leave it at that. I won't bother you and you won't bother me.
	Season 3 / Episode 16: - Ms. Meal Ticket Suzanne: Haven't you ever heard of Darwin? Julia: You mean Darwin Sanders? The man who used to take care of our lawn? Suzanne: No, Silly, Charles Darwin. Don't you people ever read? Julia: Yes, Suzanne, yes. We do. But you don't, so I thought... well... go on.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Wilderness Experience Julia: Suzanne, Bernice has put out 1200 non-refundable dollars, we have all just sat through a 4 hour lecture. Now I don't want to go anymore than you do, but I'm telling you, I have rolled my sleeping bag, I have backed my pack and I have filled my canteen.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Wilderness Experience Julia: Madame, and I use that term loosely, you couldn't find your considerable derriere if you were sitting on it!
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - The Candidate Julia: I do not think everyone in America is ignorant! Far from it! But we are today, probably, the most uneducated, under read, and illiterate nation in the western hemisphere. Which makes it all the more puzzling to me why the biggest question on your small mind is whether or not little Johnny is gonna recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning! I'll tell you something else, Mr. Brickett. I have had it up to here with you and your phony issues and your Yankee Doodle yakking! If you like reciting the Pledge of Allegiance everyday then I think you should do it! In the car! In the shower! Wherever the mood strikes you! But don't try to tell me when or where I have to say or do or salute anything, because I am an American too, and that is what being an American is all about! And another thing, I am sick and tired of being made to feel that if I am not a member of a little family with 2.4 children who goes just to Jerry Fallwell's church and puts their hands over their hearts every morning that I am unreligious, unpatriotic, and un-American! Because I've got news for you, Mr. Brickett. All liberals are not kooks, anymore than all conservatives are fascists! And the last time I checked, God was neither a Democratic nor a Republican! And just for your information, yes I am a liberal, but I am also a Christian. And I get down on my knees and pray everyday - on my own turf - on my own time. One of the things that I pray for, Mr. Brickett is that people with power will get good sense, and that people with good sense will get power... and that the rest of us will be blessed with the patience and the strength to survive the people like you in the meantime!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Designing Women Julia Sugarbaker: [Suzanne has just informed everyone that she is dating Mary Jo's ex] You know Suzanne, I find this really incredible. Three hours ago you were looking for a new gynecologist. Mary Jo here very graciously gave you the number of her ex-husband. We were all under the impression that this was to be a professional medical visit. Now, you return with the news that you dating this person. I mean, forgive my stupidity, but just exactly how does one make that leap from the stirrups in a doctors to a booth and TGI Fridays?!
	Unknown Episode: Julia: Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed!
	Unknown Episode: Allison: Oh, Julia, just so you know, the next time you see your lawyer on company time, it's going on your record. Julia: Just so YOU know... The next time you speak to me in that tone of voice, you're going to the moon.
	Unknown Episode: Mary Jo: Anthony, where have you been all morning? Anthony: The question should be, "Where have I been all night?" I'll tell you where I've been. I was locked in the basement of Suzanne's house! Allison: Oh, were you locked in there? I thought I heard something. Anthony: Did it sound anything like someone shouting "Let me out of here, bitch!"?
	Unknown Episode: Bernice: Well, I think we should get some bricks and some baseball bats and go over there and teach them the TRUE meaning of Christmas.
	Unknown Episode: James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford: You look so beautiful. Mary Jo: Where do you want to do this: upstairs or downstairs? James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford: Honey, I thought we would have some wine and music, then a littlle foreplay... Mary Jo: I was too embarassed to tell you... James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford: Tell me what? Mary Jo: I have never had sex with anyone but Ted. James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford: You haven't? Mary Jo: And I do not know anything about anyone else. I mean, Ted's idea of foreplay was holding me by the feet and saying, "Make a wish."
	Unknown Episode: Vanessa Hargraves: I am going to work. It is great working at the library. If any of y'all want, I can get you free books!
	Unknown Episode: Suzanne: I got pulled over this morning for having all the mirrors in the Mercedes turned so I could see myself.
	Unknown Episode: Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you. Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
	Unknown Episode: Suzanne: Where are our seats? Julia: I don't know. If history teaches us anything, mine will be next to a baby who smokes.
	Unknown Episode: Suzanne: And I'll tell you something else. I am not eating octopus, walking around in my stocking feet, or takin' a bath with my neighbors no matter what those little people say. Julia: It's always stimulating to travel with the international voice of racism.
	Unknown Episode: Bonnie Jean 'B.J.' Poteet: In Texas, we have what's called the "Bubba Factor," where everyone is nicknamed Bubba. Except Ross Perot... they call him Mr. Bubba.
	Unknown Episode: Julia: [reading aloud a letter from Dash Goff] Yesterday, in my mind's eye, I saw four women standing on a veranda in white, gauzy dresses and straw-colored hats. They were having a conversation. And it was hot. Their hankies tucked in cleavages where eternal trickles of perspiration run from the female breastbone to exotic vacation spots that southern men often dream about. They were sweet-smelling, coy, cunning, voluptuous, voracious, delicious, pernicious, vexing and sexing... these earth sister/rebel mothers... these arousers and carousers. And I was filled with a longing to join them. But like a whim of Scarlett's, they turned suddenly and went inside, shutting me out with a bolt of a latch. And I was left only to pick up an abandoned handkerchief and savor the perfumed shadows of these women... these southern women. This Suzanne. This Julia. This Mary Jo and Charlene. Thanks for the comfort, Dash Goff... the writer.
	Unknown Episode: Carlene Frazier Dobber: You know, Allison, you remind me of someone I saw on the Discovery Channel last night. Allison: And who might that be, Carlene? Carlene Frazier Dobber: Adolf Hitler.
	Unknown Episode: Suzanne: She said it was a gag gift. Julia: Well, it certainly made me gag.
	Unknown Episode: Julia: I think you should tell them to take their invitation, fold it in five corners, and stick it where the sun don't shine.
	Unknown Episode: protestor: 50 animals died because of that coat! Suzanne: Wanna make it 51?
	Unknown Episode: Mary Jo: And why do you know all the capitols of every country, Charlene? Charlene: Because, Mary Jo, I love knowledge. As a matter of fact, I yearn for it.
	Unknown Episode: Julia: I guess I'm excited about seeing Mother again, visiting a totally new country. Of course, seeing Japan with Mother will be seeing the real Japan. Suzanne: Julia, I am just here to visit Mother and pick up a car. I do not want to have any cultural experiences. As for seeing the "real" Japan, I've noticed that whenever people start talking about seeing the "real" anything, what they're talking about, basically, is hanging around with poor people. Now, I say I don't hang around with poor people at home, why should I do it on vacation?

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