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 | Season 2 / Episode 2: - A Lie Agreed Upon (2) Al Swearengen: [Dolly sticks her thumb in Al's ass] Oh! Now, I'm halfway thinking this exaggerates the condition rather than alleviates it. If I might should query the Doc, but then that cocksucker will only ask after gleets. [Al gasps] Oh my God. [Al tries to move away, but Dolly scoots after him and keeps her thumb in his ass] Take it out. Take it out. Remove your fucking thumb. [Dolly finally removes her thumb] Why, if I was moving forward to get away from you, would you have fucking pursued me? When I stopped, pressed on yourself to drive your thumb into my intestine? |
| Season 2 / Episode 2: - A Lie Agreed Upon (2) Al Swearengen: The entire area of my fucking asshole is now one gigantic fucking throb. I have no idea what's transpiring in there. Dolly: Shall I suck your prick? Al Swearengen: Please. |
| Season 2 / Episode 2: - A Lie Agreed Upon (2) Tom Nuttall: Oh, he just twelve-pointed Slippery Dan. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 12: - Sold Under Sin Seth Bullock: I'll be the fucking sheriff. Al Swearengen: Starting when? Seth Bullock: Starting now. Al Swearengen: You have the tin? Seth Bullock: I do. Al Swearengen: Produce it. Al Swearengen: On the tit. Seth Bullock: I know where it goes. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Sold Under Sin Jewel: Say 'I'm as nimble as a forest creature.' Doc Cochran: You're as nimble as a forest creature. Jewel: No, say it about yourself. Doc Cochran: I'm as nimble as a forest creature. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Sold Under Sin Al Swearengen: Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Sold Under Sin Sol Star: I'm sensing you've done things today you wish you could amend, Seth. Seth Bullock: What kind of man have I become, Sol? Sol Star: I don't know. The day ain't fucking over. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Sold Under Sin Al Swearengen: What the fuck are we talking about? Doc Cochran: A man being cared for and made comfortable 'til he expires. Girls you put to the task, deduct your time from my pay. Al Swearengen: I get the bag of shit. Doc Cochran: You get to care for a human being in his last extremity. Al Swearengen: A human being in his last extremity IS a bag of shit. Doc Cochran: Aw, FUCK YOU AL! |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Sold Under Sin Seth Bullock: [after beating Alma's father] Leave this camp. And draw a map for anyone who wants to believe your fucking lies. Anyone wants to put your daughter or her holdings in jeopardy, you show 'em how to get here. And you tell 'em I'll be waiting. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Sold Under Sin E.B. Farnum: Hey doc the cavalry is in town. Doc Cochran: Fuck the Cavalry! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 11: - Jewel's Boot Is Made For Walking Trixie: Mr. Star, my cherry is obstructing my work. Sir, would you take it from me, free? |
| Season 1 / Episode 11: - Jewel's Boot Is Made For Walking Trixie: Kiss my neck or tits if you have to kiss something. Sol Star: Let me kiss you. Trixie: Well, you're a goddamn Jew fool. |
| Season 1 / Episode 11: - Jewel's Boot Is Made For Walking Al Swearengen: Tom, nothing Stapleton's got on you can't be solved by Dan Dority. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 10: - Mister Wu Al Swearengen: You can't cut the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would improve. |
| Season 1 / Episode 10: - Mister Wu E.B. Farnum: August commencement to my administration, standing stymied outside a saloon next to a degenerate tit-licker. |
| Season 1 / Episode 10: - Mister Wu E.B. Farnum: [as he watches the "Tit Licker" leave the saloon] I begrudge that man his capacity for happiness. I do. |
| Season 1 / Episode 10: - Mister Wu Sol Star: I don't suppose you need me to say it. But if there's a Heaven, your brother see's what you did and he's grateful. Seth Bullock: Perhaps he seems me borrowing his life so that I didn't have to live my own. Sol Star: People have made good lives out of borrowed ones before. |
| Season 1 / Episode 10: - Mister Wu Mr. Wu: Bak Wai Lo Me... Cocksucka. Al Swearengen: Yeah, glad I taught you that fuckin' word. These are whites, huh? [Swearengen gestures back and forth to Wu's drawing] Mr. Wu: HO! White COCKSUCKA! [Wu produces a bag] Al Swearengen: [Swearengen again motions back and forth to Wu and Wu's drawing] Two white cocksuckers killed him... and stole the dope he was bringin' to you! Mr. Wu: White Cocksucka... YOU! SWIDGEN! Al Swearengen: The dope you were gonna fuckin' sell to me? Mr. Wu: White Cocksucka... Al Swearengen: These two white cocksuckers? Who the fuck did it? Mr. Wu: Wu... Al Swearengen: [Swearengen is completely exasperated] Who, you ignorant fuckin' chink? Mr. Wu: WU? Al Swearengen: WHO? WHO? Who stole the fuckin' dope? Mr. Wu: COCKSUCKA! |
| Season 1 / Episode 10: - Mister Wu Al Swearengen: Get a fucking haircut. Looks like your mother fucked a monkey. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 9: - No Other Sons Or Daughters Al Swearengen: We're forming a fucking government. A. W. Merrick: Who is? Al Swearengen: Us! You and me! Come to me in a vision! Ya stupid bastard. |
| Season 1 / Episode 9: - No Other Sons Or Daughters Johnny Burns: Al, I have hoped for this conversation ever since you give me that Indian head to hide. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 8: - Suffer the Little Children Al Swearengen: Find out how much Tolliver paid Wu. Don't wanna be suckin' hind tit on disposal fees. |
| Season 1 / Episode 8: - Suffer the Little Children Al Swearengen: You might, Dan, want to learn how to indicate interest in a girl other than murdering another person. |
| Season 1 / Episode 8: - Suffer the Little Children Al Swearengen: I wouldn't trust a man who wouldn't try to steal a little. |
| Season 1 / Episode 8: - Suffer the Little Children Cy Tolliver: [Cy's men beating Miles and Flora out in the open outside his sloon] You can help your delicate sensibilities by turning the fuck away. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 7: - Bullock Returns to the Camp Seth Bullock: You and I know how it is, Mr. Swearingen. Al Swearengen: How what is? Seth Bullock: [stands] She gets a square shake... or I come for you. Al Swearengen: [stands] What if I come for you? You ready for that? Seth Bullock: I guess I'd better be. Al Swearengen: Then close your fuckin' store, 'cause being ready for me'll take care of your wakin' hours, and you'd better have someone to hand the task off to when you close your fuckin' eyes. Seth Bullock: We understand each other. |
| Season 1 / Episode 7: - Bullock Returns to the Camp Seth Bullock: [of the widow] She gets a square shake... or I come for you. Al Swearengen: What if I come for you? You ready for that? Seth Bullock: I guess I'd better be. Al Swearengen: Then close your fuckin' store, 'cause being ready for me'll take care of your wakin' hours, and you'd better have someone to hand the task off to when you close your fuckin' eyes. Seth Bullock: [pause] We understand each other. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 6: - Plague Joanie Stubbs: Do you shoot craps? Ellsworth: No, I don't - but I'm a lethally quick study. |
| Season 1 / Episode 6: - Plague E.B. Farnum: [muttering to himself] Al Swearingen's a cue and Farnum merely is a billiard ball. |
| Season 1 / Episode 6: - Plague Calamity Jane: [of a passerby who eyed her] If I had that mug on me I believe I'd cut down on gettin' told how butt-fucking ugly I was by not staring at fucking strangers. |
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