Calamity Jane

Deadwood

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Played by:

Robin Weigert

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Calamity Jane Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Amateur Night Calamity Jane: Get out of my fuckin' light! Mose Manuel: It's me. Calamity Jane: Who's me, the fuckin' eclipse? Mose Manuel: Mose Manuel. Calamity Jane: Oh really? I thought it was Giganto, the runaway circus elephant. Mose Manuel: Ms. Stubbs' been lookin' for you. Those kids need chaperonin' to the new schoolhouse, Jane! Calamity Jane: [covering her ears with liquor bottles] I cannot hear you, nor can I see you, any longer. Mose Manuel: [grabs her roughly and turns her over] You fuckin' drunken slob! Mose Manuel: Get up and walk them kids. Calamity Jane: Okay Giganto! Don't tusk me to death with your tusks. How long do I have to assemble myself? Mose Manuel: They'll be ready to go in a few minutes. Calamity Jane: Shut up!
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - A Rich Find Calamity Jane: I have been recently engaged in complicated negotiations with niggers, who equal any other creature walking upright at being able to fuck themselves up!
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - A Rich Find Calamity Jane: I'll see to the buryin' [of Hostetler] with you. I owe a visit up there anyways. Samuel Fields: That ain't gonna raise your popularity with your fellow white people. Calamity Jane: Question I wake to in the morning and pass out with at night: "What's my popularity with my fellow white people?"
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Full Faith And Credit Calamity Jane: Where would the stage be? Joanie Stubbs: I dont know. Calamity Jane: Yeah I don't know either.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Full Faith And Credit Calamity Jane: This succeeds, Bullock, what you're trying to work out here, I will doff hat to you and no fucking mistake. Charlie Utter: Just don't let her take off her boots.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Full Faith And Credit Calamity Jane: Any fucking domicile but the graveyard suits me fine. Don't you worry about me. I got things taken care of over here. Joanie Stubbs: I don't know either. But I do know you're welcome wherever I go.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Full Faith And Credit Calamity Jane: Fuckin' Steve. The exact type malicious cocksucker tars every fuckin' drunk with his brush.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Tell Your God to Ready for Blood Calamity Jane: Custer was a cunt. The end.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Tell Your God to Ready for Blood Calamity Jane: Every day takes figuring out all over again how to fucking live.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Amalgamation and Capital Charlie Utter: How did the two of you get along? Calamity Jane: Did I just fucking say I was moving in there? Charlie Utter: Which being it's a fucking whorehouse could indicate some fucking business arrangement or some other fucking thing. Calamity Jane: Yeah, I'm gonna be Queen Hooker. You're a keen fucking student of the human scene, Charlie!
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Amalgamation and Capital Calamity Jane: And you not only a fucking pain in the balls, Charlie, but also the strangest fucking person I ever met.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Childish Things Calamity Jane: Did you just kill that girl in the Chez Amis? Francis Wolcott: I did not. That girl in the Chez Amis is well. Calamity Jane: So whose blood's on your own fucking mug? Francis Wolcott: My own. My name is Francis Wolcott. If you find me untrue in any particular, I stay at the Grand Central Hotel. Calamity Jane: Who runs that joint? Francis Wolcott: A grotesque named Farnum. Calamity Jane: You ain't lied so far.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Complications Hugo Jarry: Will you two be quiet? Calamity Jane: Not only will we not be quiet, you frog-faced fuck. I'm gonna take this stick, and drag it back and forth across the bars of your cell. [Jane gets up and does so] Hugo Jarry: I am not a prisoner. I am in protective custody. Calamity Jane: In care of a deputy deputized by the deputy sheriff, who orders you to shut the fuck up! [Jane hits the cell with the stick]
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Complications Hugo Jarry: I'm thirsty. Calamity Jane: Lie on your back, take aim and piss.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Plague Calamity Jane: [of a passerby who eyed her] If I had that mug on me I believe I'd cut down on gettin' told how butt-fucking ugly I was by not staring at fucking strangers.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Deep Water Calamity Jane: There's someone I need to go kill. Charlie Utter: Wha? Who? Calamity Jane: You are not my target, but keep bothering me and I'll add you to the list.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Deadwood Calamity Jane: I don't drink where I'm the only fuckin' one with balls.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: You with that ugly fuck by your own free will, Doc? Doc Cochran: Yes, yes I am. I'd rather be lucky than smart.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: You with that ugly fuck by your own free will, Doc? Doc Cochran: Yes, yes I am. I'd rather be lucky than smart.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: You with that ugly fuck by your own free will, Doc? Doc Cochran: Yes, yes I am. I'd rather be lucky than smart.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: You with that ugly fuck by your own free will, Doc? Doc Cochran: Yes, yes I am. I'd rather be lucky than smart.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: I'm drunk. Correct. What the fuck is it to you?
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: I'm drunk. Correct. What the fuck is it to you?
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: I'm drunk. Correct. What the fuck is it to you?
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: I'm drunk. Correct. What the fuck is it to you?
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: [about Wild Bill] I won't be a drunk where he's buried, and I can't stay sober.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: [about Wild Bill] I won't be a drunk where he's buried, and I can't stay sober.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: [about Wild Bill] I won't be a drunk where he's buried, and I can't stay sober.
	Unknown Episode: Calamity Jane: [about Wild Bill] I won't be a drunk where he's buried, and I can't stay sober.
	Unknown Episode: Reverend H.W. Smith: When I read the Scriptures, I do not feel Christ's love as I used to. Calamity Jane: Aw, is that so? That is too bad! Join the fuckin' club of most of us!

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