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Rube Sofer Quotes
 | Season 2 / Episode 5: - Hurry Rube Sofer: I have a question for you. Is everyone in this line an asshole? Cutting Woman: Eh, excuse me? Rube Sofer: Is everyone you just cut in front of an asshole? Cutting Woman: Eh, no. Rube Sofer: So it's just you then. Cutting Woman: I have children in the car. Rube Sofer: I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter, she's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that - it's shameful. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 1: - Send in the Clown Daisy Adair: These are all at the Farmer's Market in exactly 27 minutes. I smell a disaster. Mason: No, five deaths is not a disaster. George: How many deaths is a disaster? Mason: More than five. Five's bullshit. George: How many? Mason: 16-20 is a disaster. 21 and up: catastrophe. 8-15 is a calamity. Rube Sofer: Seven and under? Mason: That's a crying shame. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 9: - Sunday Mornings Roxy Harvey: I didn't know you smoked a pipe. Rube Sofer: You need to fix this. Roxy Harvey: He put his hands on me. Rube Sofer: Last time I checked, being pissed off wasn't enough of a reason to remove a person's soul from their body. Don't do that again. Roxy Harvey: I didn't know he'd turn into a nutball. Rube Sofer: Well, how would you have responded, Roxy? God appeared to the man. Roxy Harvey: I wouldn't be making up words and shit. Rube Sofer: He's creating a mythology to take back to his people. Joseph Smith had the same thing happened to him and now the Mormons have a monopoly on the hotel industry. Roxy Harvey: This is nothing. Rube Sofer: A hundred years from now, people will have little plastic meter maids with bobbing heads hanging from their rearview mirrors. Roxy Harvey: What do you want me to do. Rube Sofer: It's about restoring the status quo. The guy wasn't supposed to get enlightened, he was supposed to get a parking ticket. You've got to turn him back into a prick. If you ever take someone's soul again without first having a post-it, I gonna break this pipe off in your ass. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 7: - Reaper Madness Rube Sofer: All men are liars when pretty girls are implicated. You can see their noses growing. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 6: - My Room Rube Sofer: You here to see... Dr. Plotkin? Joy Lass: You mean Dr. Hanson? Rube Sofer: Right Hanson. Plotkin's my podiatrist, I don't know why I was thinking about Plotkin, must have been staring at my foot... Joy Lass: Are you here to see Dr. Hanson? Rube Sofer: I've got the next appointment. Joy Lass: She's a child psychologist. Rube Sofer: Inner child. |
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