Daria Quotes

Daria

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Boxing Daria Helen: Daria, you can't spend the rest of your life in there. Daria: I can once they put in my high-speed internet connection.
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Boxing Daria Daria: Let's move on to Hell and Purgatory, also known as the gym and locker rooms. Jane: Where, for 20 bucks, I'll show you which showers haven't been peed in. To my knowledge. Daria: My friend is just kidding you, of course. They've all been peed in.
	Season 5 / Episode 12: - My Night at Daria's Kevin: Hey, Daria's guy. Way to go, man. Tom: Excuse me? Kevin: You know... you did the wild walk, made a touchdown, signed the deed. Daria: Tonight's Babble Chat was hosted by Kevin Thompson.
	Season 5 / Episode 12: - My Night at Daria's Daria: My hormones don't rage. Oh sure, they get mad sometimes, but then they just stop speaking to each other.
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - Aunt Nauseam Jake Morgendorffer: What do you think, Daria? Stonewall Jackson fed his men these Johnny cakes the night before the battle of Chancellorsville. Daria Morgendorffer: Well, that explains why they shot him there.
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - Life in the Past Lane Sandi Griffin: Is that Stacy with Upchuck? Quinn Morgendorffer: No Way... It must be that girl that looks like Stacy until she turns around. Tiffany Blum-Deckler: Or that girl that looks like that girl...
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - One J at a Time Jake: I slave over a hot stove all day, and for what? Daria: It's to keep him off the streets, right?
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - One J at a Time Sick, Sad World Announcer: Meet the fly-fishing pathologist who uses human organs as bait. A liver runs through it next on Sick Sad World!
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Art Burn Jane: You'll figure out something. Use your womanly attributes. Daria: Gotcha. I'll give birth.
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Art Burn Quinn: Mom, I need your help. This really mean guy drew an ugly picture of me and the Fashion Club at the art fair, and we want to sue for defamation of character. Helen: Quinn, you can't sue for defamation of character; he didn't do anything to harm your reputation. Quinn: Yes he did! He made my face look like one big freckle! Mom, the embarrassment, the pain, the suffering! Helen: In the eyes of the law, pain and suffering are when a surgeon leaves his pager in your spleen. Quinn: Ew! What if you were on a date and it started beeping?
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Art Burn Helen: [On the phone] Sandi, is Quinn all right? Sandi Griffin: Actually, none of us are all right, given how we were cruelly maligned by that so-called "artist." Helen: Sandi, I already explained to Quinn that a lawsuit is out of the question. Sandi Griffin: Yes, so she told me. But, Quinn is a simple, uncomplicated girl and perhaps didn't consider other legal avenues we could explore to address our problem. Helen: I'm really terribly busy. Sandi Griffin: You see, given that this person is hardly an artist and therefore falsely represented himself, I thought we might take steps to have him disbarred. Helen: Sandi, disbarring only applies to lawyers. Sandi Griffin: Exactly, and you're a lawyer. So, you can do it, voila.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Ken Edwards: The only books worth reading are those written in the deep, passionate waters of life. Stacy: So, like "Jaws"?
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Upchuck: Ooh, I like what I'm seeing... Jane: Ms. Li changing her support hose again? Daria: That's another habit that'll lead to blindness, Upchuck. Jane: But in this case, you'll wish for it.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Daria: A classroom full of blank faces is a little spooky, until you plant your feet and stare them down. Jane: You know, apes interpret that as a gesture of dominance. Daria: That's what I just said.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Jeffy: What does "woe" mean? Daria: It's like the feeling you'd get if the Super Bowl were preempted by "Antiques Roadshow". Joey: Whoa. Daria: See?
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Sick, Sad World Announcer: It's quite a web-sight when civil war buffs get in the buff. Www.gettysbare next on Sick Sad World!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Ms. Angela Li: Don't think you can intimiate... intermolate... don't think you can scare me with your threat to picket naked! Mr. Anthony DeMartino: You think I'm bluffing? This is Goodwill polyester I've been sweating in all night. I WANT to picket naked! Ms. Angela Li: All right! A two percent raise and a space heater for the teacher's lounge. Mr. Anthony DeMartino: [tugs on collar] Boy! It's getting hot in here!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Ms. Angela Li: Students of Lawndale High. Jane Lane: Is that the voice in my head that tells me to kill and kill again? Daria Morgendorffer: No. Satan's voice is lower, and he has an English accent.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucky Strike Daria Morgendorffer: Okay. We know Mr. O'Neill assigned a play, and you're pretty sure the title didn't contain the word "alien." Do you remember anything else? Joey: Uh, I think the guy on the cover was wearing tights. Daria Morgendorffer: Hmm... Since there are no wrestling dramas on the syllabus, I'm guessing Shakespeare. Jeffy: Wait, I remember now. He's a stalker! He follows girls home from parties and peeks in their windows. Daria Morgendorffer: Romeo and Juliet.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - The Story of D Helen: Oh Lord, Rita, it's a new millennium. When will people get rid of these outmoded ideas about sex? Helen: [to Quinn] Where's your sister? Quinn: In her room. Helen: Is Tom with her? Quinn: Mom! I'm not J. Edgar Winter!
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - The Story of D Joey: "An Ode to Aubergine?" Jamie: "A Good Pluck?" Jeffy: "Please Remember to Blush?" Jane Lane: There must be a lot going on in the boys' room that we don't know about. Daria Morgendorffer: And really, that's as it should be.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - The Story of D Jodie Abigail Landon: Hey, Daria, congratulations. A published story, that's amazing. Daria Morgendorffer: Um, it's not exactly published. I sent it in, but I haven't heard back. Kevin Thompson: Then why are you telling everybody that it's been published? Jane Lane: Oh, you know Daria and her compulsive need to impress. Brittany Taylor: Oh. But then instead of making up stuff about writing, shouldn't you pick something good? Daria Morgendorffer: How's this? During the day, I'm a mild-mannered student. But at night, I fight crime in a stretchy-stretchy costume.
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - Camp Fear Quinn: Eww. Look how dirty those sheep are. From now on I'm only buying imported wool.
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - Camp Fear Amelia: This reminds me of the time you boycotted the end of summer campfire by the lake. That was so cool. Daria Morgendorffer: Actually, I wasn't invited. Amelia: Oh. Amelia: Remember the time you took of on your horse and left us all behind. Daria Morgendorffer: You mean the horse ran off with me on it, and tossed me in the river, and I had to get nine stitches.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - Fat Like Me Quinn Morgendorffer: I'm going to make you fit to go out in public again. Sandi Griffin: What? Quinn Morgendorffer: Now that your cast is off, I'm here to help you lose weight. Sandi Griffin: Oh, Quinn, can't you see that it's too late? My life is over. Quinn Morgendorffer: Sandi, you're not 30. Now let's get started. Aerobics Instructor: [on tape] I know it's hard to believe, but I once weighed over a hundred pounds.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - Fat Like Me Tiffany Blum-Deckler: Stacy, what time is the Fashion Club meeting today? Stacy Rowe: There is no meeting. Tiffany Blum-Deckler: How co... Stacy Rowe: How come? Because I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of doing all the work while you just sit there. I tried my best, and even if it wasn't as good as Sandi's or Quinn's, but a chain is only as strong as its weakest round thingy, and you refused to lift one freakin' finger! I'm through running the Fashion Club all by myself while you [imitates Tiffany] stare... in the mirror... and talk... about yourself... [normal voice] and I, I, I quit! Tiffany Blum-Deckler: Hmm, maybe I should quit, too.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - Fat Like Me Stacy Rowe: So what's the first item of business, President Quinn? The best president ever! Tiffany Blum-Deckler: Long live the Quinn! Hey...!
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Sappy Anniversary Jake Morgendorffer: Damn computer. It ate everything. Big, fat, smug, damn stupid crappy piece of crappy crap.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Sappy Anniversary Daria: Uh, well... Tom and I have been going out for about six months, and... Helen Morgendorffer: Oh. Um... Daria, sometimes we may think we're ready for something and it won't change anything, but we're really not and it changes everything, and in the rush to grow up we sometime forget how precious are the fleeting years before adulthood's cares... Daria: It's not about sex. Helen Morgendorffer: Thank God! I mean, "Oh, I see." But when you're ready, please feel free to come to me. Not that there's any hurry, nor should that statement be interpreted as some kind of encouragement. Daria: Right.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Sappy Anniversary Tom: Hey... if you're not going to leave a flaming bag of dog crap on the doorstep, at least come in. Daria Morgendorffer: Well, can't resist an invitation like that.

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