Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Curb Your Enthusiasm

- Episode Quotes

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Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 3: - The Reunion Larry David: I'm going to hate myself more than normally.
	Season 6 / Episode 10: - The Bat Mitzvah Susie Greene: Fuck you Larry, this is bullshit motherfucker. You are such a bald asshole I can't believe it. Loretta Black: [coming downstairs] Who the FUCK do you think you're talking to? Nobody talks to my man like that. You better get your ass out of my house. You fucking bitch! Larry: [waving] goodbye!
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - The Korean Bookie Cheryl: I'm impressed that you even realized what a nice gesture this is. Larry: Well you know, I'm apologizing to people all the time, telling people I'm sorry. I know when I've done something wrong I'm not afraid to apologize. Most people I have to say, my mother always used to tell me this, 'Most people are not like you Larry. Most people are not like you. You're special.' You know, everybody's not like me. Cheryl: No, they're not.
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - The Ski Lift Larry David: I think you took the ball, stashed in your unusually large vagina, and marched right out of here.
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - The Ski Lift Larry David: [walking in] Hello! Lisa Thompson: Hello. Welcome back. Larry David: [enthusiastically] So! You know, I spoke to our mutual friend. [Jeff, concerning the size of his penis] Lisa Thompson: Did you say hello for me? Larry David: I did, I did. I did say hello, and... I couldn't help but mention the... whole kind of...”small penis" thing... It came out. Lisa Thompson: Oh, my gosh... Was he upset? Larry David: Not at all! Not at all... [folds his arms] Lisa Thompson: Really? Larry David: In fact he had a... completely different take on it than you! He said the problem didn't lie with his small penis... but rather, with your... BIG vagina. [smugly, he makes a wide 'V' symbol with his hands] Lisa Thompson: Is THAT what he did? Larry David: Yeah! [sign again] BIG! Lisa Thompson: THIS is my vagina? Larry David: HUGE! [nodding smuggly] Huge! Lisa Thompson: Are you kidding? I don't have a big vagina! Larry David: [grinning smugly with condescending eyes] You've got the huge vagina. Lisa Thompson: Oh, do I? Larry David: [nodding] You got the huge vagina. You're blaming the small penis... It's not necessary. Lisa Thompson: I made a little... You're the one that-! Larry David: [cutting Lisa off] ME THINKS the lady doth protest too much! Hmph! [making the sign]
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Lewis Needs A Kidney Larry David: The ass is part of my snuggle.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - The Bowtie Larry David: This project demands I get back to my base.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - The Bowtie Larry David: [about Lesbians] I'm their biggest supporter! Marty Funkhouser: You're their biggest supporter? Larry David: Yeah. Marty Funkhouser: Well, then they're in a lot of trouble.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - The Bowtie Omar Jones: ...Muslims are very forgiving people. Larry David: They are? Omar Jones: Yes, we are. We're very forgiving. Larry David: Wh-what? Omar Jones: Well, it's true. Larry David: There's a lot of meshugena Muslims out running around, are there not?
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - The Car Pool Lane Drug Dealer: I can get you an ounce of, you know, some real hydroponic, scientific stuff, but that'll run you five hundred bucks. Larry: Hydroponic? Drug Dealer: Yeah. Larry: I'm not looking for a sound system, my friend.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - The 5 Wood Susie Greene: [after Larry gets them kicked out of their country club, Cheryl suggests a new one] Oh no. I'm sorry Cheryl but there's like two Jews in that whole club. It's WASP, WASP, Republican city. This one will stick out like a sore thumb with that Jew face.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Ben's Birthday Party Larry: That shish-kebab, the whole night I couldn't get rid of it. Ben Stiller: Uh, yeah. I have a scratched retina. Larry: Oh.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Grand Opening Cheryl David: [the orgy of cursing has broken out... , Cheryl, with her southern twang coming out] Ya Goddamn Motherfucking Bitch! Susie Greene: [Susie, misinterpreting Cheryl's words for her... ] FUCK YOU You Car-Wash Cunt! I had a dental appointment! [leaves angrily]
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mary, Joseph and Larry Larry David: I think I tipped that guy twice. Jeff Greene: What? Why wouldn't he tell you? Larry David: Because he got twice the money. [sarcastically] Why?
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mary, Joseph and Larry Becky: You ate the baby Jesus and his mother Mary. Larry: I thought they were animal cookies. Cheryl's Dad: Animal Cookies? What, are you kidding me? Becky: Jesus Christ is not an animal. Larry: I thought he was a monkey. Cheryl's Dad: A monkey? Oh, please. Cheryl's Mom: Larry, have you no shame? Becky: The Son of God is not a monkey, Larry.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Krazee-Eyez Killa Susie Greene: Okay Larry you don't want the tour? Get the fuck out of my house.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Krazee-Eyez Killa Jeff Greene: [after Larry said he didn't want to take a tour of Suzie and Jeff's new house] I don't want to make a big deal out of this. I am just going to mention it and that's it... It wouldn't have killed you to have taken the house tour. Larry: I feel very queer taking house tours. Jeff Greene: What queer? My wife shows you the house... Larry: I gotta march up and down the house going, [in a gay voice] "Oh it's nice, it's nice...” Jeff Greene: Did you have to go somewhere? Larry: No. Jeff Greene: Alright, you know what then... Larry: [in the gay voice again] "Oh, that looks good. Hey look at that closet! Oh ho hey, very nice beams up there. I like those beams, yeah. What's the name of that architect?" Jeff Greene: [sighs] Larry: [takes a sip of coffee] Good coffee.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Krazee-Eyez Killa Cheryl: Wanda, I have something terrible to tell you. Krazee-Eyes is cheating on you. Wanda: What? How do you know? Cheryl: Larry told me. Wanda: That son of a bitch. I'm gonna find him and kick his ass. Cheryl: Are you going to tell him that Larry said it? Wanda: You goddamn right I am!
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Krazee-Eyez Killa Krazee-Eyez Killa: [rapping] So you think you're gonna cross me And mess with my shit? Openin' your fuckin' trap And flappin' your lip? Don't fuck with me, nigga Cause you're gonna get dropped I'll snap off your neck With a crackle and pop! Larry David: That's good. I like that Rice Krispies thing. Krazee-Eyez Killa: Oh you caught that? How about this. [rapping] If you say anything You'll beg me to die Cause I'll make you suck my dick Then I'll nut in your eye I'll stomp on your world As if my name was Godzilla I'm comin' for you, motha-fucka, I'm your Krazee-Eyez Killa! [end rap] and then I'll look like this on the album [looks crazy] Larry David: I like it. But can I make one suggestion. How about lose the motherfucker. Cause you already said fuck before, you don't need two fucks. Instead how about bitch. Cause bitch is like a word for someone you disrespect.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Krazee-Eyez Killa Krazee-Eyez Killa: Motherfucker, what the fuck?
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Krazee-Eyez Killa Larry David: [after Krazee-Eyez finds him the jacket he needs for a movie] Are you my Caucasian?
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Baptism Man in Airport #1: I don't have your ticket. Larry: Yeah, right, yeah. Man in Airport #1: I have my own ticket. Larry: Yeah, oh, of course you do. Man in Airport #1: It's a bereavement fare. My mother's dead. Larry: Yeah, right, okay, yeah. I'd like to take a look at it, okay? Yeah. It's your ticket... right? Man in Airport #1: You wanna see my ticket? Larry: Yeah, I do! Yeah. Man in Airport #1: Okay, you wanna see? Larry: Yeah, I do, yeah. Man in Airport #1: Okay, you wanna see? Let's take a look, alright? Shall we? Larry: Let's take a look! Yeah! Yeah! Man in Airport #1: What's the name written right here? Is it your name? No, it's mine: Chris Darga. See, if this were yours, it would say: Fucking Douchebag. Asshole. Larry: Sorry... about your mother.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Baptism Woman: You didn't want to lose another Jew. Larry: I don't care. What do I need him for?
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Baptism Larry: [to Richard Lewis] Who are people going to believe... an ex-alcoholic or a guy who's been lucid 24/7 his whole life? I didn't steal your message you asshole.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Baptism Larry: I can't believe this guy's converting. Why's he doing that? You guys come to our side, we don't go to your side. Yeah. Jews don't convert. I'm really surprised. Cheryl David: Well, you know what, if he didn't convert she wouldn't marry him. I know that about Becky, she's very... she's very passionate about her religion. Larry: Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ, ya know? It's like not only do you have to worship him, you want everybody to. It's like I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say you must like lobster? "Eat lobster, it's good, it's good!" It's not only where you live, you go to Africa, you travel all over the world, "Eat lobster! Have some more lobster, it's good." Cheryl David: I don't really think it's the same... Larry: "WE WANT YOU TO HAVE LOBSTER!" Cheryl David: Lobster and religion, I really don't see the similarities.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Shaq Larry: This is very good by the way. Thank you! It's a cafe latte?... What is that... milk? Starbucks employee: Milk... uh... and coffee. Larry: Milk and coffee! Who would've thought? Milk and coffee! Oh my God. What a drink! It's milk and coffee, mixed together! [talking about Starbucks] You've gotta go there, sit down, have a donut, have a bagel!
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Shaq Larry: Apparently, no one wants to have anything to do with me because of the Shaq thing. Cheryl: That's... kinda sad. Larry: What, are you kidding?
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Shaq Larry David: I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing. Whatever you got.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Shaq Larry: This is very good, by the way. Thank you! It's a cafe latte? What is that... milk? Man: Milk... uh... and coffee. Larry: And coffee. Milk and coffee, oh my God! What a drink! It's milk and coffee, mixed together! Larry: You gotta go down there, sit down, have a donut, have a bagel!
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - The Doll Susie Greene: [after discovering that Larry and Jeff stole the head from her daughter's doll] You four eyed fuck and you fat piece of shit! Get the head! Jeff Greene: [later] Boy I did not need that.

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