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Characters: #3 of 5 (Full List)
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Played by:
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 | Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mary, Joseph and Larry Larry David: I think I tipped that guy twice. Jeff Greene: What? Why wouldn't he tell you? Larry David: Because he got twice the money. [sarcastically] Why? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 8: - Krazee-Eyez Killa Jeff Greene: [after Larry said he didn't want to take a tour of Suzie and Jeff's new house] I don't want to make a big deal out of this. I am just going to mention it and that's it... It wouldn't have killed you to have taken the house tour. Larry: I feel very queer taking house tours. Jeff Greene: What queer? My wife shows you the house... Larry: I gotta march up and down the house going, [in a gay voice] "Oh it's nice, it's nice...” Jeff Greene: Did you have to go somewhere? Larry: No. Jeff Greene: Alright, you know what then... Larry: [in the gay voice again] "Oh, that looks good. Hey look at that closet! Oh ho hey, very nice beams up there. I like those beams, yeah. What's the name of that architect?" Jeff Greene: [sighs] Larry: [takes a sip of coffee] Good coffee. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 7: - The Doll Susie Greene: [after discovering that Larry and Jeff stole the head from her daughter's doll] You four eyed fuck and you fat piece of shit! Get the head! Jeff Greene: [later] Boy I did not need that. |
| Season 2 / Episode 7: - The Doll Jeff Greene: Hey, do you want to have dinner tomorrow before the show? Larry David: Oh I don't know... Cheryl: We've got plans. Larry David: We don't have plans we just don't want to have dinner with you. Cheryl: [exasperated] Larry.... |
 | Season 1 / Episode 2: - Ted and Mary Jeff Greene: [kicking Larry out of his house] You copped a feel off my mom, you gotta go. |
 | Unknown Episode: Jeff Greene: [referring to Larry] He's a victim of circumstance. |
| Unknown Episode: Restaraunt Chef: [Larry hires a chef who has Tourette's Syndrome] Fuckhead shitface cocksucker asshole son of a bitch! [the restaurant suddenly turns silent] Larry David: [Remembering seeing some high school students support a kid with cancer] Maybe one day I'll get a chance to do something good for somebody like that. Larry David: [Aloud] Scum-sucking motherfucking whore! Jeff Greene: Cock! Cock! Jism! Grandma! Cock! Michael York: Bum! Fuck, turd, fart... cunt, piss, shit, bugger and balls! Restaurant Manager: Dammit... hell... crap... ssssssshit! Cheryl: Ya goddamn motherfuckin' bitch! Susie Greene: [Thinking Cheryl is yelling at her] Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT! Cheryl's Dad: Fellatio, cunnilingus, french kissing! Rimjob. Richard Lewis: Pussy pig fucker! Jeff Greene's Dad: Boy cock, girl cock, E-I-E-I-O! [Everyone in the restaurant is now laughing hysterically] |
| Unknown Episode: Jeff Greene: [Jeff is carting around Suzie's dog, a German Shepard] Boy, you seem to really like Oscar. Larry David: It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something German, it just doesn't happen that often. |
| Unknown Episode: Larry David: [watching Girls Gone Wild] You know what a woman would do if I ever asked her to lift up her top? Jeff Greene: Why do you have to analyze this? Can't we just watch this? Larry David: She would spit on me! If I ever asked a woman to lift up her top, she would kick me in the balls and spit on me! Jeff Greene: We've waited a long time to see this and all you're doing is yakking. Be quiet, come on! |
| Unknown Episode: Larry David: [watching Girls Gone Wild] What do you mean you're not going to pause it? Jeff Greene: I'm not a pauser, I don't like pausing. Larry David: Well, that's rude, I'll miss it. Jeff Greene: I'll rewind it when you come back. Larry David: Yeah, but I can see when you rewind and it'll give it away! Jeff Greene: There's no story! Give what away? There's bosoms! That's it! |
| Unknown Episode: Larry David: I pee sitting down. Jeff Greene: You pee sitting down? Larry David: Yeah! Have you ever tried it? Jeff Greene: No! Larry David: It's more comfortable. When you get up during the night you don't have to turn on the light and wake up, and you get to read. Jeff Greene: What are you reading? Larry David: I'm reading a lot of stuff. Jeff Greene: What stuff? Larry David: If I peed twenty times during a day I can get through a whole New York Times for god's sake! Jeff Greene: Twenty times? Larry David: Yeah! Hey buddy, when you're peeing all over your shoe, I'm learnin' somethin'! Jeff Greene: What makes you think I'm peeing all over my shoe while you're learnin' somethin'? |
| Unknown Episode: Larry: He insulted me. He implied that I was lying about my stepfather! Jeff Greene: You don't have a stepfather. Larry: I know, but I didn't like the implication! |
| Unknown Episode: Jeff Greene: All of the women at HBO, they don't want to work with you. Larry David: Oh, come on. That's ridiculous. Jeff Greene: They think you're a misogynist. Larry David: Why, 'cause I called the guy a cunt? So what! Jeff Greene: 'Cause you called the guy a cunt. Larry David: Big deal, I call men pricks all the time, men want to work with me. Jeff Greene: Well, cunt's worse. Larry David: Cunt's not worse. Pricks and cunts, they're equal. Pricks, cunts, come on. They balance out. Jeff Greene: No, cunt is worse. Cunt's much heavier. Larry David: Why? Why is cunt heavier? Jeff Greene: I never questioned, it just is. Larry David: That's sexist to me! Come on. |
| Previous: Cheryl David | Next: Richard Lewis |
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