3x01 Split

Sally: You've always got to send a man a book when you split up, to prove how you're a caring, giving person, and how they're going to die in a pit of their own filth.

Jane Christie: Some people think that external beauty comes from inner tranquility. Of course, some people think it comes from drinking the blood of virgins, so there's quite a range there...

Steve: [Apologizing in Susan's dream after their breakup] I was just wrong... wrong about everything. Since you left me, I've come to see the point of cut flowers, and very small picture frames, and... and relatives. I'm thinking of owning more than one bar of soap at a time... and buying another towel. And the stands to put the toilet roll on... and a toilet roll, even when I've got a newspaper. I now realize that my Playstation... it's a complete waaste of my life... and that "a lack of realistic gore" is not a sensible criticism of chess. I absolutely promise to abandon all of my disgusting sexual deviancies like... lesbian porn... Mariella Frostrup... and talking to other women. Susan... please... just take me back! [He dissolves into tears]