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1x02 Size Matters
First Aired: May. 19, 2000 on BBC THREE
Summary: Susan and Steve go on their first real date (without all the friends), which will involve Susan cooking for Steve. The men argue over whether or not this means that Susan intended that to mean that sex would be included. Meanwhile, Steve is somewhat anxious over a particular comment of… |
Main Characters in this Episode
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| Guest Stars
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Episode Quotes
Susan: Do you find your batteries always run out quickly?
Steve: I've never had any complaints.
Steve: I've never had any complaints.
Jeff: OK, foreplay tip number two. [Steve sees Sally and Susan and looks horrified] Whoever you normally fantasize about during sex, start calling them 'Susan.' With you, it's always Mariella Frostrup, right? [Steve smiles awkwardly at Susan] Well, call her 'Susan Frostrup'! That way, when you're in bed with Susan, you won't shout the wrong name when you have your eyes shut!
Susan: Or you could call her 'God.'
Jeff: [not realizing] Well, yeah, I mean, that'd work. [realizes, turns around and chuckles nervously]
Susan: [coming around the table] So is it absolutely necessary to think about somebody else?
Jeff: Well, everybody does. That's why there are so many celebrity marriages.
Sally: I'm sorry?
Jeff: Eh? Well, you know, if - if you fantasize about someone else during sex, and so does your partner, and, you know, those two people that you're fantasizing about happen to meet while you're still doing it, they're bound to sense something, aren't they? Because they're connecting on, like, a virtual plane. So can you imagine what it was like when Posh first met Beckham? They were the epicenter of a non-stop, nationwide virtual shag! Ehh! [does his hand thing] I mean, it's no wonder she got pregnant! [laughs]
Susan: When the van comes for you, Jeff, go quietly.
Jeff: [resignedly]... OK.
Susan: Or you could call her 'God.'
Jeff: [not realizing] Well, yeah, I mean, that'd work. [realizes, turns around and chuckles nervously]
Susan: [coming around the table] So is it absolutely necessary to think about somebody else?
Jeff: Well, everybody does. That's why there are so many celebrity marriages.
Sally: I'm sorry?
Jeff: Eh? Well, you know, if - if you fantasize about someone else during sex, and so does your partner, and, you know, those two people that you're fantasizing about happen to meet while you're still doing it, they're bound to sense something, aren't they? Because they're connecting on, like, a virtual plane. So can you imagine what it was like when Posh first met Beckham? They were the epicenter of a non-stop, nationwide virtual shag! Ehh! [does his hand thing] I mean, it's no wonder she got pregnant! [laughs]
Susan: When the van comes for you, Jeff, go quietly.
Jeff: [resignedly]... OK.
Patrick: That's your foreplay tip? Socks?
Jeff: Many men have fallen through the sock gap Patrick. Under the sexual arena of earthly delight, there lurks a deadly pit of socks.
Jeff: Many men have fallen through the sock gap Patrick. Under the sexual arena of earthly delight, there lurks a deadly pit of socks.
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