Cheers Quotes

Cheers

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 11 / Episode 25: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (2) Sam Malone: Boy, I tell you, I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on earth. [a man knocks at the door] Sorry, we're closed.
	Season 11 / Episode 25: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (2) Dr. Frasier Crane: Are you watching for any particular category? Cliff Clavin: Yes, the Most Impressive Display of Female Flesh in the, uh, Tight Fitting Dress.
	Season 11 / Episode 25: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (2) Norm Peterson: You know what I think the most important thing in life is? It's love. And do you know what I love? Sam Malone: Beer, Norm? Norm Peterson: [looks at his watch] Yeah, I'll have a quick one.
	Season 11 / Episode 25: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (2) Woody Boyd: "I believe I was elected to the City Council as an agent of change. And I fully intend to live up to that pledge: I will make change." Dr. Frasier Crane: Change 'change' to 'a change'. Woody Boyd: A what? Dr. Frasier Crane: You see, in here, you make 'change'. There, you make 'a change'. So, just make the change. Change 'make change' to 'make a change'. Dr. Frasier Crane: [frustrated and yells] Oh, just change it! Woody Boyd: [to Norm] Boy, I think I see why Dr. Crane never cures anybody.
	Season 11 / Episode 25: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (2) Sam Malone: How's it going, Cliffy? Cliff Clavin: [angrily] I'm in no mood to talk.
	Season 11 / Episode 25: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (2) Rebecca Howe: Can you believe that? I shoot for Donald Trump, and I end up with Ed Norton. Dr. Frasier Crane: But you did good, Rebecca. Rebecca Howe: I did, didn't I? Bye! Sam Malone: See ya, Trixie!
	Season 11 / Episode 24: - The Guy Can't Help It Dr. Frasier Crane: Let's get a woman's opinion. Carla will suffice.
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (1) Mr. Walter Gaines: [to Rebecca, about her knowledge of classical music] Obviously, when you worked at the house, I failed to appreciate your depth. Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Not to mention her width.
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses (1) Dr. Frasier Crane: [to Carla, Norm and Paul] If you really think Cliff is capable of murdering his mother, why do you remain his friends? Paul Krapence: He's my ride.
	Season 11 / Episode 22: - It's Lonely on the Top Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [after she admits she probably slept with one of the Cheers regulars] You don't think any less of me, do you? Sam Malone: Well, let's see who it is first.
	Season 11 / Episode 22: - It's Lonely on the Top Sam Malone: I'm Sam Malone. By definition, everything I do is cool.
	Season 11 / Episode 21: - Woody Gets an Election City Councilman Kevin Fogerty: Kevin Fogarty, City Council. I hope I have your vote on election day. Dr. Frasier Crane: And why exactly should I vote for you, Mr. Fogarty? City Councilman Kevin Fogerty: Well, because I'm a hard worker, and I take a stand. Dr. Frasier Crane: On what, exactly? City Councilman Kevin Fogerty: The issues of the day. Dr. Frasier Crane: Which are? City Councilman Kevin Fogerty: The things that concern you and your family... the most.
	Season 11 / Episode 20: - Look Before You Sleep Sam Malone: I think I'll just stretch out on the couch here. Norm Peterson: Oh, no, no, I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. Sam Malone: You sleeping on the couch? Norm Peterson: Yeah, yeah, sometimes when I come home late from Cheers, I don't like to wake Vera up, so I just crash out on the couch here. Sam Malone: But you're always late at Cheers. Norm Peterson: Yeah, how about that!
	Season 11 / Episode 20: - Look Before You Sleep Esther Clavin: Dear Lord, bless Clifford and me, unworthy wretches that we are. Bless the postal system and keep it from harm by helping it to detect the real loonies. Bless our friends and thank you for letting Sam find succor here tonight. Bless the late Mr. Clavin. I know he's not in your vicinity but rather roasting in hell on a spit reserved for those who desert their family. Amen.
	Season 11 / Episode 19: - Bar Wars VII: The Naked Prey Sam Malone: Hello, Harry. Harry 'The Hat' Gittes: Hey Sam. Sam Malone: [looking at tableful of watches] Whatcha doing? Trying to sell some bogus watches, some knock-offs to my customers and try to cheat them? Harry 'The Hat' Gittes: [holding up a watch] Sam, that hurts. This is no knock-off. That's a five thousand dollar Rolex, but it's on sale for twenty-five hundred. Sam Malone: Is this a real Rolex, Harry? Harry 'The Hat' Gittes: Yeah! Sam Malone: [Sam grabs the watch and starts banging it on the table] Whoa. Hey, it sounds like a Rolex, doesn't it? Sam Malone: [drops the watch into a mug of beer, which he holds up to take a look at the watch] Oh, look at that, it's still ticking too. Harry 'The Hat' Gittes: Uh, Sam... Sam Malone: Hey, do me a favor, just take your bogus goods and pedal them someplace else, will you. Watch Salesman: So Harry. Are you interested in buying a watch? Harry 'The Hat' Gittes: No, but I think my friend Sam might be.
	Season 11 / Episode 19: - Bar Wars VII: The Naked Prey Norm Peterson: You know, my underwear's a little tight. Cliff Clavin: It's funny, mine's a little loose.
	Season 11 / Episode 19: - Bar Wars VII: The Naked Prey Harry 'The Hat' Gittes: Face it, you're a bunch of losers. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's your nature, you know. It's the way God made you. You're part of his master plan. If it weren't for you guys, how would we know who the winners were?
	Season 11 / Episode 18: - The Last Picture Show Newscaster on Television: We're going live now to the Route 93 overpass where an unidentified woman has climbed to the outside rail and is threatening to jump. An emergency rescue team has had no luck so far in persuading the woman to climb down from her dangerous perch. Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, boy. As one who has been there, it is imperative that they do nothing to agitate that woman. Cliff Clavin: Boy, oh boy. I mean, what would have to go wrong in your life to be driven to such desperate measures, huh? Newscaster on Television: We have a tentative identification. The woman is Anna Cosetti of Boston... Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Sam, can I take the afternoon off? Sam Malone: Why? Carla Tortelli-LeBec: I gotta go look after the kids. That woman is my babysitter.
	Season 11 / Episode 18: - The Last Picture Show Sam Malone: [about Cheers] I bought this place from Gus. Woody Boyd: Sam, you've been had. You already own this bar. Gus O'Malley: [to Sam about Woody] He must be Coach's boy.
	Season 11 / Episode 18: - The Last Picture Show Cliff Clavin: So, what did I miss? Why is that girl running around screaming at everybody? Norm Peterson: Well, she's trying to convince them that Godzilla's merely confused, not really trying to hurt them. Cliff Clavin: Isn't that the part usually played by Akira Nakamura? Norm Peterson: Yeah, yeah, but she left half way through the Godzilla series. Woody Boyd: I don't understand. Why would an actress leave right in the middle of a successful series?
	Season 11 / Episode 17: - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2) Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: How long has Frasier been sleeping with Rebecca? Sam Malone: I beg your pardon? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Did he at least have the courtesy to wait until I was in the ground?
	Season 11 / Episode 17: - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2) Sam Malone: Did you hear that everybody? Frasier and Lilith are back together again. Oh, that makes me so happy. Here, free drinks on the house. Dr. Frasier Crane: Just a minute, Sam. I haven't taken her back. Woody Boyd: [as he grabs the beer from Norm's hands] Ah, sorry, Mr. Peterson. Norm Peterson: [to Frasier and Lilith] Wait, wait, come on now, now... You two kids belong together. Come on. Dr. Frasier Crane: The unmitigated gall. You think you can walk back into my life and patch it up again as quickly as you destroyed it. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Frasier, I'm sorry. Norm Peterson: All right, she's sorry. Beers for everybody, come on.
	Season 11 / Episode 17: - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2) Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: [about Frasier] I'm as determined to get him back as I was to leave him.
	Season 11 / Episode 17: - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2) Norm Peterson: [over the telephone] Ah, Vera... Hello, yes, yes, I know it's late. You see, we're being held hostage by a mad gunman, and... What do you mean I've used that one before?
	Season 11 / Episode 17: - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2) Cliff Clavin: Ah, I got it. How about I sob uncontrollably and lose control of my bodily functions? Norm Peterson: Cliff, is that a plan? Cliff Clavin: No, actually it's more of a warning.
	Season 11 / Episode 17: - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2) Cliff Clavin: [about Dr. Pascal] Boy, look at that poor moolyak, huh? I really pity him. It really makes you think though, doesn't it? Where's that fine line between sanity and insanity. Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Look behind you, Clavin. You stepped over it about a year ago.
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Is There a Doctor in the Howe? (1) Rebecca Howe: Not again. Sam Malone: It's the fifth time this week. If I find out who this N.R.P. creep is, I'm going to really let him have it. Cliff Clavin: Hurry up Norm, Sam is getting a lot faster at this. Norm Peterson: Got it. Cliff Clavin: Hey Norm. I know that the N.P. stands for Norm Peterson. What does the R stand for? Norm Peterson: Resourceful.
	Season 11 / Episode 15: - Loathe and Marriage Woody Boyd: Hey Sam. Sorry I'm late. I had to stop at the drugstore. Sam Malone: That's OK, Woody. Woody Boyd: Yup. Had to make another embarrassing trip to the drugstore to get a little uh... Sam Malone: [under his breath]... protection? Woody Boyd: Yeah. You know, Kelly and I want to have a family and all, but we figured we'd wait until after that raise you promised. Sam Malone: I hope you got a lot of protection! Woody Boyd: Well, as usual you know, I'm a little embarrassed and nervous when I go in there, so I buy a whole bunch of stuff so it doesn't look like I'm just going to get some... you know. Sam Malone: Protection. Woody Boyd: Yeah. Woody Boyd: [starts emptying his shopping bag] So I got some paper plates, batteries, flash bulbs, Skoal, some gum, Chia Pet, eyeglass repair kit yeah, oh notebook paper, and VO5. Sam Malone: Where's the protection? Woody Boyd: See you in about an hour, Sam.
	Season 11 / Episode 15: - Loathe and Marriage Serafina Tortelli: [to Carla] I need to talk to you. Carla Tortelli-LeBec: You're pregnant. Rebecca Howe: Carla, that is a rude and unfair thing to say. There's a million reasons why your daughter would want to talk to you. Serafina Tortelli: I am pregnant. Rebecca Howe: Then again, you raised a slut.
	Season 11 / Episode 15: - Loathe and Marriage Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [about Serafina's pregnancy] First of all, are you getting sick in the mornings? Serafina Tortelli: A little bit, but I haven't had to Clavin if that's what you mean.

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