Californication Quotes

Californication

- Episode Quotes

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Californication Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Zoso Hank Moody: Oh shit, your not preggers are you?
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - La Petite Mort Damien: I got you something. Damien: I put a playlist on there, our playlist, the one we made out to. All 17 songs. Hank Moody: What! Seventeen songs? That's a lot of making out.
	Season 2 / Episode 11: - Blues From Laurel Canyon Charlie Runkle: Hank Moody. Ronny Praeger, the very gifted auteur behind Vaginatown. Hank Moody: Oh, I'm honored, I'm a big fan. What is next for you? A Cockwork Orange or perhaps Twenty-sixty-nine: A Sit On My Face Odyssey?
	Season 2 / Episode 11: - Blues From Laurel Canyon Hank Moody: [explaining life to Lew] There is no life without love. None worth having anyway.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - In Utero Daisy: If I can't actually be with you Charlie, I'd kinda like the last person I had on-screen sex with to be you. Charlie Runkle: That's like one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. And yet totally gross for you.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - In Utero Dr. Riess: So what are you working on these days? Hank Moody: What am I working on? I'm working on trying to figure out what that fucking lump in my junk is. That's what I'm working on.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - In Utero Hank Moody: There's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn't looking for it, it wasn't on the make, it was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another, next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there's this feeling in my gut she might be the one. She's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic with a great deal of maintenance required, she is you, Karen.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - La Ronde Hank Moody: Ah! Look at this monstrosity. Janie Jones: I like this one. Hank Moody: You do? Janie Jones: Yeah, that's how I feel. Hank Moody: What's that? Alienated, nauseous, culturally dispossessed? Janie Jones: No. Horny.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - La Ronde Lew Ashby: Life is just too fucking boring not to try.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - No Way To Treat A Lady Hank Moody: Whatever you do, don't be another brick in the wall.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Slip of the Tongue Hank Moody: I like to think I have a 12-inch cock, but it doesn't make it so. Two inches shy.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Slip of the Tongue Hank Moody: Rectum? Damn near killed him.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn The Page Becca Moody: I'm not going to live with my dad because it's fun. I'm going because I have to. I don't know if you've noticed, but your dad is about to marry my mom. Mia Lewis: Yeah, so? Becca Moody: So it's really happening. He can't pretend anymore that it's not. And whatever miraculous thing he thought was going to happen with the writing. You know that thing he wrote back home in New York was going to be the redemption of his soul. Obviously, that's not happening either. Mia Lewis: No, I guess not. Becca Moody: So it's official. Rock bottom. The death of hope. Can't leave him alone now. The man's got nothing.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn The Page Hank Moody: You are a very young sociopath in training. Mia Lewis: Oh, come on. That's like Satan calling one of his junior minions a big meanie.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn The Page Hank Moody: Sorry, I'm late. I just, uh... Charlie Runkle: You just what? Hank Moody: Nah, that's all I got.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn The Page Hank Moody: If I do anything about this shit, there's no telling of what she's going to do. There's no stopping her from telling Karen... or Bill... or Becca. Charlie Runkle: Fuck, the police! Hank Moody: Fuck the police.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome Charlie Runkle: What've you got going on later? Hank Moody: Oh, I don't know... I thought I'd start the day with some dry toast and half a grapefruit, bust out the old computer, bang out 10 pages, maybe go for a run. Maybe I'll just jerk off and go back to bed. Wake me up when you come home.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome Hank Moody: What about the Marce? You gotta miss the Marce. I know you miss the Marce, right? That sexy, little smurf was good to you. Charlie Runkle: That sexy, little smurf cheated on me with my assistant. Hank Moody: Yes, but you cheated on her with your assistant. First, I might add.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre Mia Lewis: Hi Bill. Bill Lewis: "Dad" or "Daddy", please.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre Becca Moody: Father? Hank Moody: Offspring?
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre Hank Moody: Sometimes, it's best not to get involved in the affairs of others. Becca Moody: That's interesting, coming from the most intrusive man I know.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son Hank Moody: You can't snort a line of coke off a woman’s ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son Trixie: So what are your thoughts of rehab? Hank Moody: Rehab is for quitters.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son Charlie Runkle: I'm sorry about your old man. You know, he was a good guy. Hank Moody: No he was not. He used to say you looked like a walking penis. Charlie Runkle: Well, that's not very nice.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son Al Moody: Life's too short to dance with fat chicks.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son Al Moody: [seeing a guy who looks like Tom Cruise] I liked him in that Vietnam movie. He played a good cripple.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted Marcy Runkle: I don't want to go where Hank has been. I mean, he probably left booby-traps up there like the Vietcong.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted Hank Moody: How the fuck do you option a blog? What is there to option? The title? The font?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted Marcy Runkle: What is a marriage if not an opportunity to mock someone through thick and thin while simultaneously exploring your deepest, darkest sexual desires?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted Hank Moody: [to Charlie] I know you Hebrews do things a little differently, but the last time I checked a ménage à trois was not a pitstop on the road to redemption.

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