Alan Shore

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James Spader
Son of teachers Todd and Jean Spader. Attended Phillips Academy in Andover with director Peter Sellars; ...

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Alan Shore Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 11: - Juiced Denny Crane: [Discussing their upcoming case - and the series finale] Hey, maybe I'll retire after this. Alan Shore: Don't be ridiculous... Denny Crane: Well, what better way to go out? My last case - in front of the Supreme Court. Now there's a finale, Alan. Alan Shore: They should put it on TV. Denny Crane: We'd get ratings. Alan Shore: If they promoted us. Of course, I think there's a law against promoting us. Denny Crane: Seems to be. Alan Shore: [Later in scene] Oh, won't they be so happy to see us again? Denny Crane: The rematch. Alan Shore: [laughs] The rematch. Denny Crane: Grand finale. Alan Shore: Special 9:00 start time.
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - Kill, Baby, Kill ! Alan Shore: People forgo newspapers for the Internet, where instead of relying on credentialed journalists, they turn to these bloggers... sort of entry-level life-forms, that intellectually have yet to emerge from the primordial ooze...
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Patriot Acts Alan Shore: [Denny and Carl enter the courtroom] You must be joking A.A.G. Norman Wood: Commonwealth has waived conflict Judge Clark Brown: Wait a sec. The same firm for both sides? Denny Crane: Saves on guest casting
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Indecent Proposals Alan Shore: I'm sorry, Denny. Denny Crane: No you're not. You're relieved. Alan Shore: Well, I'm that, too. But if you truly loved her then I am sorry. Denny Crane: ... Alan Shore: Denny? Denny Crane: There's no need to be sorry, Alan. Love, even when it's fleeting, even if it's for a day or two...it's everything. Don't you agree? Alan Shore: I do. I actually think it's why I'm still single. Every morning I get to wake up and I get to wonder: "Will this be the day?" Every night when I lay my head on my pillow I wonder: "Will I meet her tomorrow?" I imagine what she'll look like, her smile, the way she does her hair, how she laughs, the contour of her breasts, neck... The promise of love can be everything. It's a magic you really find in marriage if you luck out. Denny Crane: Do you believe married people can stay in love? Alan Shore: Oh, I believe thy can know even more profound joys be it with children, the depth of the relationship itself can evolve into something they can't possibly live without. And yet, it's something that doesn't quite so resemble love. It's not the romance of love. Denny Crane: I never knew you to be such a romantic. Alan Shore: My problem is I'm too romantic. No woman can possibly live up to the promise of tomorrow that love holds for me. Denny Crane: What about me? Alan Shore: That not the same. You know one thing I do love about you? Denny Crane: Tell me! Alan Shore: While many people embrace the promise of tomorrow, too few celebrate the joy of now. And nobody does that like Denny Crane. Denny Crane: Let me tell you something. When you got polar ice caps melting and breaking off into big chunks and you got Osama still hiding in a cave, planning his next attack, when you got other rogue nations with nuclear arsenals, and not to mention some wack-job, home-grown that can cancel you at any second and when you got...mad cow, now gets high priority. And when you're still on the balcony on a clear night, sipping scotch with your best friend, now is everything. Alan Shore: Here's to that. Denny Crane: Here's to now.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Mighty Rogues Alan Shore: My, uh, best friend has Alzheimer's, in the, uh, very early stages, it hasn't... He is a grand lover of life, and will be for some time. I believe even when his mind starts to really go, he'll still fish he'll laugh and love, and as it progresses he'll still want to live because there will be value for him, in a friendship, in a cigar... The truth is I don't think he will ever come to me and say, this is the day I want to die, but the day is coming and he won't know it... This is perhaps the, the most insidious thing about Alzheimer's... but you see he trusts me to know when that day has arrive, he trusts me... to safe guard his dignity, his legacy, and self respect. He trusts me to prevent his end from becoming a mindless piece of mush and I will. It will be an unbearably painful... thing for me, but I will do it, because I love him. I will end his suffering, because it is the only decent humane and loving thing a person can do.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Tabloid Nation Denny Crane: Que seran, seran. Alan Shore: Sera. Denny Crane: Really? I thought it was seran. Alan Shore: No. Sera. Denny Crane: What's seran? Alan Shore: It's a wrap - keeps sandwiches fresh.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Oral Contracts Alan Shore: We're actually sitting in a court room, wasting tax dollars, because my client had gas. He was constipated, he went to remedy his problem, in a bathroom, imagine that, where low and behold, three undercover police officers were lurking, waiting, to interpret a tapping foot as a call for gay sex. Now, maybe Larry Craig deserved his fate, thrown in front of the very bus he helped to build, but Denny Crane doesn't deserve this, all he was trying to do was take a crap.
	Season 3 / Episode 24: - Trial of the Century Judge Phyllis Tamber: I will not let you turn this proceeding into a joke. Alan Shore: But, Your Honor, Denny and I are a comedy team! [italicize team if possible]
	Season 3 / Episode 24: - Trial of the Century Alan Shore: Could I have a second alone, Denny? Denny Crane: With me? Alan Shore: With the judge.
	Season 3 / Episode 24: - Trial of the Century Denny Crane: To next season, my friend. Alan Shore: I can't wait to see what we do next! Denny Crane: I'm just getting started! Alan Shore: Denny Crane. Denny Crane: Alan Shore. Alan Shore: Flamingos.
	Season 3 / Episode 22: - Guantanamo By The Bay Denny Crane: She's not good for you, Alan. [referring to Judge Gloria Weldon] Alan Shore: Why not? Denny Crane: She just isn't. A woman knows these things. Trust me. Alan Shore: Denny, you're not a woman. Denny Crane: Whatever!
	Season 3 / Episode 22: - Guantanamo By The Bay Denny Crane: Women! Alan Shore: Can't live with them. Denny Crane: Can't take 'em quail hunting.
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - Brotherly Love Alan Shore: I have nothing further. A.D.A. John Lennox: I have nothing, Judge. Judge Robert Sanders: All right, this would probably be a good time for a... a bowel movement. Uh, uh, lunch, I... I mean lunch. Uh... two o'clock. Alan Shore: Could we say two-thirty and make time for both? Judge Robert Sanders: Silence! I won't stand for your... your... Alan Shore: Poop?
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Son of the Defender Judge Floyd Hurwitz: Step up here, Counsel. Alan Shore: This is never good when they ask me to step up. Judge Floyd Hurwitz: You think I'm an idiot? Alan Shore: Judge, I cannot be held accountable for what I do with straight lines lobbed right over the plate. Judge Floyd Hurwitz: How would you like to be held in contempt, Mr. Wisenheimer? Alan Shore: Again, Judge, that was a beach ball straight down the middle. Judge Floyd Hurwitz: Two days. Put him in the same cell with his client. They can discuss her wedding plans. Alan Shore: You can't plan a wedding in two days!
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Nuts Denny Crane: I can't fly. Alan Shore: You're just discovering this?
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Angel of Death Denny Crane: I just heard! New Orleans! My penis is already packed! Alan Shore: Denny, I would love for you to join, but this particular excursion is a rather serious one. Maybe you and I could go another time. Denny Crane: Are you nuts? That damned tornado wiped out half the place. There's no time like the present. Alan, we must seize the hookers - uh, the day. Alan Shore: You know, Denny, technically it wasn't so much a tornado as a hurricane. And you're holding a kazoo. Denny Crane: Not just any kazoo. A trombone kazoo. A go-to-New-Orleans-under-the-pretext-of-some-legal-case-to-play-with-a-Dixie -land-band kazoo. Vanessa Walker: I only have two plane tickets. Denny Crane: Oh, gee, I only have a Gulf Stream. Alan Shore: I think Denny wants to come, Vanessa. Denny Crane: Denny Crane: Down on the Bayou.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Angel of Death Alan Shore: I tried closing my eyes again... to imagine. I couldn't. Nobody could, I suppose, unless they were there. Denny Crane: I was there. Well, I flew over in my Gulf Stream. Doesn't that count? Alan Shore: To some.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Nutcrackers Denny Crane: [Staring at the cross-dressed man sitting on the other side of Alan's desk] Is that a guy? Alan Shore: [Smiles] Don't be silly. Denny Crane: Seriously, I think that's a guy!
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - The Verdict Denny Crane: Wanna pull my scrotum? Alan Shore: Maybe later. [Both simultaneously puff their cigars]
	Season 2 / Episode 27: - BL: Los Angeles Alan Shore: You ever wonder if you and I are la-la? Denny Crane: Don't be ridiculous. We're flamingos. And good ones.
	Season 2 / Episode 24: - Deep End of the Poole Alan Shore: Denny Crane! Denny Crane: Alan Shore! Alan Shore: Leaders of men! Denny Crane: With bulleyes on our asses!
	Season 2 / Episode 24: - Deep End of the Poole Alan Shore: I have no defense, Denny. I broke the law. Denny Crane: So? Alan Shore: So, usually in these situations I go with jury nullification. Persuade the jury to focus on the moral, not the legal, but here it makes no difference! What I did was unethical, immoral, illegal... Denny Crane: You're being so negative. Alan Shore: I need you to close. Denny Crane: What do you mean? Alan Shore: I'll try the case, but at the end I need somebody else to stand before the jury and say, "Let the man go." Denny Crane: And you want me to do that? Alan Shore: There was a day when all you had to do was say your name. Denny Crane: That's still all I do. Alan Shore: Denny, I find in life, and I know you must, that craft doesn't matter so much if one is a big enough star. You've spent your entire life getting away with who and what you are, because you're a star! Denny Crane: Big star. I blow solar flares out of my ass. Alan Shore: I need your start power here. I need you to stand up before that jury when we're done and tell them, "Let Alan Shore go!" Denny Crane: Really? Alan Shore: I have a gut feeling it's my best shot. Denny Crane: Let him go! Denny Crane. I'll do it.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - Race Ipsa Judge Robert Sanders: I think I have enough probable cause, Mister Shoop! Alan Shore: Actually, your Honor, since our last get-together, I've changed my name from Shoop to Shore. I figured since it's already on my driver's license and passport, not to mention all the pleadings before you - though I'd never presume you to read pleadings of course, they're ... Judge Robert Sanders, Alan Shore: Jibber jabber!
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - Race Ipsa Chelina Hall: God, the last time I saw you... Alan Shore: I believe it was a Sunday, then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, I got switched to Tuesdays and... Chelina Hall: Here we are... with old footage.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - Ivan the Incorrigible Denny Crane: Alan, you know, one thing you sometimes forget is, no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices, how complex your ethical decisions, you always get to choose what you have for lunch. Alan Shore: Daily, I am amazed at your inexhaustible ability to just live. Denny Crane: It's either that or die.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - Ivan the Incorrigible Alan Shore: Jerry, you're in luck. Mr. Kupfer is my favorite opposing counsel. He's smart, eloquent, a pleasure to watch, and every time I go up against, him he obligingly loses. A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer: You know, if the U.S. really wanted to torture detainees, they could sentence them to be you for a day. I imagine it's excruciating. Alan Shore: You have no idea.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - Word Salad Days Alan Shore: [Alan addressing the jury on about water pollution]... What is our biggest fear? The dirty bomb. Not the dirty water! Attorney Eric Yavitch: [stands to object] Objection! Your honor, Mr.Shore is introducing evidence in his closing that was never presented at trial Alan Shore: [turning to the attorney] Nonsense, your honor, I refer you to plaintiff's exhibit number apple. Attorney Eric Yavitch: [confused look at alan] I beg your pardon? Alan Shore: [addressing attorney ] Apple trashcan to speak from God. Attorney Eric Yavitch: Huh? Hon. Stephen Bickle: Mr. Shore... Alan Shore: [to judge] Not that you're sixty, but classic electrons are free. Attorney Eric Yavitch: Objection! [confused] eh, I think. Hon. Stephen Bickle: Mr. Shore! You have a notorious history of court room theatrics. If your aim is to force a mistrial, you will be disappointed. Alan Shore: [turns to address jury] huh, pillow pants join forces over a Margot pylons. You aren't sailing past honor, for the laking of a room. These questions are birthday basements. To end the blue radish is the upside of luxury and sparking a good lizard, can only make tears fall in hindsight. Puddles do not ask for why not. it is cheese, breath, and wind. It is cheese.
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - Stick It Alan Shore: Last night I went to bed with a book, not nearly as much fun as a 29 year old, but the book contained a speech by Adlai Stevenson. The year was 1952, he said 'The tragedy of our day is the climate of fear in which we live and fear breeds repression. Too often sinister threats to the Bill of Rights, to freedom of the mind, are concealed under the cloak of anti-Communism.' Today, it's the cloak of anti-Terrorism. Stevenson also remarked that it's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them. I know we are all afraid, but the Bill of Rights, we have to live up to that, we simply must.
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - Stick It Denny Crane: Why Alan? That's all I'm gonna ask. Why? Alan Shore: Some people see things as they are and ask why? Others see things as they never were and claim mad cow.
	Season 2 / Episode 17: - ...There's Fire! Denny Crane: You know, the best part of my marriages has always been the first day. Alan Shore: Just married. Grand thing. But for me there was nothing more devastatingly lonely than being married for a while. Denny Crane: You never talk about your wife. What was she like? Alan Shore: She had all the most delectable qualities one could hope for. Creativity, desire, zealotry, a gorgeous clavicle, healthy lack of inhibition. Denny Crane: Sounds spectacular. What happened? Alan Shore: She began to know me too well, and I began to hate her for it. Even when I was unpredictable, she'd predict it. For those of us who aspire to be original, that's the worst sort of banality. She died. I've missed that banality ever since.

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