Blue Collar TV Quotes

Blue Collar TV

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Blue Collar TV Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 30: - Law Jeff Foxworthy: Welcom to Blue Collar TV where every week is a theme, and this week is the law. Now who here obeys the law. Jeff Foxworthy: [some audience members applause] Jeff Foxworthy: Who obeys SOME of the law. Jeff Foxworthy: [A few more applause] Jeff Foxworthy: Who here is WANTED by the law? Jeff Foxworthy: [the whole audience applause]
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Music Drew Carey: You gotta really tiny deck, don't you? Bill Engvall: Yeah. People slide off of my deck all the time. Jeff Foxworthy: Yeah? Well, if you trim the bush around your deck, it will make it look bigger.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Funerals Tina Tackett: Daddy, we buried Mama today. Papaw: We buried a set of teeth! Terry Tackett: Why did we spend $600 to bury a set of teeth? We could've just wrapped them in a Kleenex and buried her in a Tupperware box. Papaw: They weren't even hers! We buried somebody else's teeth! Tina Tackett: Daddy! When Mama bent down to light her cigarette on the stove she blew up the house and all they found of her was her teeth. Papaw: You believe what you want to believe, but she's out there somewhere!
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Funerals Papaw: [to Tina about her mother] When you were 8 years old, you asked for Santa Claus to kill her. Maude Tackett: Me too. Terry Tackett: Well it took a little while, but it looks like ol' Santa came through.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Vacations Jeff Foxworthy: Dad is a money vomiting machine, here's what Dad looks like on vacation. [throws money all over the stage] You want a soda, allright let's get one. You want a T-shirt? Allright, how about a giant lollypop? Dad we want a picture with Quacky, you want a picture with Quacky? Allright... the first one didn't turn out good. I want an autograph book, we want to go to the vending machine!
	Unknown Episode: Jeff Foxworthy: Welcome to Blue Collar TV and let me tell you right up front, we are not here to change the world, we're here to make it better.
	Unknown Episode: Dan Grogan: Come on down to Dan Grogan's House of Gravy where it's all gravy all the time!
	Unknown Episode: Dooley: I made brown.
	Unknown Episode: Mom: Ronnie, when someone laughs at you what do you do? Ronnie: Hit him? Mom: No, use your words remember. Ronnie: [Ronnie turns to Blake] I'm going to hit you really hard.
	Unknown Episode: Bill Engvall: I believe... Angelina Jolie thinks about me as much as I do about her. Jeff Foxworthy: But I believe she doesn't on a hotel bed with a towel and a bottle of lotion. Bill Engvall: Well, I believe I'm not telling any more secrets.
	Unknown Episode: Larry the Cable Guy: I believe... guns don't kill people, husbands that come home early do.
	Unknown Episode: Ron White: I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
	Unknown Episode: Ed: What's the number for 911?
	Unknown Episode: Ron White: [to the girl filling up his drink] What, are you Mormon, sweetheart? Hit it!
	Unknown Episode: Jeff Foxworthy: I believe it is not possible to study for a rectal exam. Ron White: Especially if you're cramming.
	Unknown Episode: Coach Davis: The frickin' ball sits on a tee!
	Unknown Episode: Jeff Foxworthy: [talking about scary things] Like when the name of your trailer park is the same name as the hurricane that's headed towards it. Scary.
	Unknown Episode: Jeff Foxworthy: [the Redneck dictionary scene for the word, mask. Jeff grabs Bill's shirt collar] M'ask you one more time. Think I can win the costume contest? Bill Engvall: Yeah, yeah! First place, you psycho! Jeff Foxworthy: M'ask you one more thing. Does this make my butt look fat?
	Unknown Episode: Jeff Foxworthy: I believe that no matter what anybody says, everybody pees in the pool. Bill Engvall: Or in the shower. Larry the Cable Guy: Or in the sink. [Jeff and Bill give him weird looks] Jeff Foxworthy: I believe... that's the last time I eat at your house.
	Unknown Episode: Larry the Cable Guy: Look, I'm a pot head. [breaks vase]
	Unknown Episode: Bill Engvall: [the boys work at Benihana's] Okay, ya'll ready to eat? Japanese man: [subtitled into English] No, we are waiting for a bus. Here's your sign.
	Unknown Episode: Larry the Cable Guy: [during the "things you don't want to hear people say when they first see you naked" thing] Jeez, smoking really does stunt your growth!
	Unknown Episode: Larry the Cable Guy: [Larry notices a gray hair on his shirt] A gray hair. That can mean one of two things, either I'm gettin' old or I need to stop picking women up at bingo.
	Unknown Episode: Tina Tackett: Every time, every single time I try bring my family and myself up out of the ditch you drag me back in! Terry Tackett: Tina, we live in a ditch! My parents lived in a ditch! Your parents lived in a ditch! We are ditch people! Uncle Lloyd Tackett: Amen, brother!
	Unknown Episode: Papaw: [to Terry Tackett] If you're about to do what I think you're gonna do, I'll slit your throat when you're asleep.
	Unknown Episode: Bill Engvall: [New Year's resolutions] I resolve to stop wearing women's underwear. [Jeff moves away from him and next to Larry] Larry the Cable Guy: I resolve to start wearing underwear. [Jeff moves away from Larry]
	Unknown Episode: Ronnie: [about a present] Who's it to? Blake: [reading Ronnie's name on the tag] R-O-N-N-I-E, it says Blake, it's for me.
	Unknown Episode: Larry the Cable Guy: I believe if I had a dollar for every time my dad told me he loved me... well money ain't really important here.
	Unknown Episode: Larry the Cable Guy: [talking about scary things] Picture this, a proctologist showing up with a miner's hat and a pick axe.
	Unknown Episode: Larry the Cable Guy: [about PC fairy tales] It just burns me up!

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