Best Week Ever Quotes

Best Week Ever

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Best Week Ever Quotes

	Unknown Episode: Paul Scheer: [on Tim Burton's "The Corpse Bride"] Here's a little fact - that's actually Johnny Depp, not claymation. He's that good.
	Unknown Episode: Christian Finnegan: If you bought the soundtrack to the motion picture Ray, what you're saying about yourself is, "I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and pretend I've been a lifelong Ray Charles fan."
	Unknown Episode: John Aboud: Oh no. Someone phunked with his heart.
	Unknown Episode: Sherrod Small: You see the trailer for King Kong? King Kong is small. King Kong is like, 5'10". I like my King Kong big. I like my Donkey Kong small and my King Kong big. I'm old school.
	Unknown Episode: John Aboud: That ho could suck the sheet off a ghost.
	Unknown Episode: Doug Benson: She puts the "bra" in abracadabra.
	Unknown Episode: Chris Jericho: I like to take a drink every time Gary Busey says something absolutely fucking insane.
	Unknown Episode: Greg Fitzsimmons: I was pretty much done with Desperate Housewives. The men have all been castrated. The women have all been neutered, but all of a sudden we got a black guy locked up in the basement. Hey, hey. TiVo alert.
	Unknown Episode: Christian Finnegan: The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.
	Unknown Episode: Christian Finnegan: This documentary is so sexy, it puts the sex back in quantum phy-sex.
	Unknown Episode: Doug Benson: Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Colton: The Lost fans are so thorough. If they could only start investigating al-Qaeda, we'd find Bin Laden in like two hours.
	Unknown Episode: Greg Fitzsimmons: It's really helpful to the writers, because they go online and they take the theories and put them into the script, because they've run out of stuff.
	Unknown Episode: John Aboud: Our government couldn't govern its way out of a paper bag. Oprah just cuts through all the Oprah tape and gets it done.
	Unknown Episode: Greg Fitzsimmons: If Oprah wants to catch more child molesters, try giving a shoutout on the Jerry Springer show. You'll nab like twenty of them right in the audience.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Colton: There's nothing Oprah can't do. Remember that budget deficit? You don't hear about that any more. John Aboud: Gone. Michael Colton: She took care of it. John Aboud: It got Oprah-fied. Michael Colton: Like a third of her salary.
	Unknown Episode: Doug Benson: Daniel Craig is having the best week ever and I don't even know who the fuck he is.
	Unknown Episode: Doug Benson: [on the celebrity rescue effort in New Orleans] Oprah didn't just bring herself, she brought her celebrity friends, because when Oprah says, "Jump," they say, "Which couch?"
	Unknown Episode: Doug Benson: The musical number for Crash was one of the most depressing things I've ever seen. And not because it was about racism, but because it was horrible... and about racism.
	Unknown Episode: Christian Finnegan: People might say, "What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them." Well, you've never seen God either. You're gonna tell me he's not awesome?
	Unknown Episode: Nick Kroll: I find it kinda weird that Joe Rogan is trading accomplishments with a twenty year old. Like, it's not really that fair. It's like, "I'm twenty, dude. I'm a sophomore in college. You're like sixty five, you know."
	Unknown Episode: Christian Finnegan: After nearly killing herself, Kristy Yamaoka has been whipping through the talk show circuit at a break-neck pace.
	Unknown Episode: Greg Fitzsimmons: [to Jessica Simpson] I don't think adopting a child is a good idea given your lifestyle. I think you'd be better off adopting a highway mile.
	Unknown Episode: Christian Finnegan: And what is it they patrol? The Easy Listening section at Sam Goody. You're not going to get to the Josh Groban without going through the Soul Patrol.
	Unknown Episode: Nick Kroll: Proportionably speaking, Jade is fantasticnatious in the way she can create words and phrasology in a magnification of mannerisms.
	Unknown Episode: Doug Benson: I was hoping Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell sat next to each other on the View. Cause then maybe they'd get into a fight... to the death... or worse.
	Unknown Episode: Paul F. Tompkins: Everything's gotta be sooo African with these two.
	Unknown Episode: Paul F. Tompkins: The thing that's great about Gnarles Barkley is that they absolutely deny it has anything to do with Charles Barkley. That's just a lie. That's awesome.
	Unknown Episode: Paul F. Tompkins: Can we not give her credit for getting him in the car seat? Like, just a couple weeks ago, she had him on the hood. Baby steps, people.
	Unknown Episode: Sherrod Small: I think somehow science is gonna catch up and Kevin Federline is gonna get that many pregnant.

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