Beavis and Butt-Head Quotes

Beavis and Butt-Head

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Beavis and Butt-Head Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 36: - Speech Therapy Beavis: School sucks. Principal McVicker: You watch your mouth you little pain in the ass.
	Season 7 / Episode 36: - Speech Therapy Ms. Jenkins: [reciting a sentence for her speech therapy class] All right here goes. Speaking slowly as such can say just as much. Butt-head: Whoa, huh huh, she just said "ass-munch". Beavis: Heh heh, this chick rules. Ms. Jenkins: Now Butt-head you try one. Ms. Jenkins: Half haste helps but whole haste hinders. Butt-head: Whoa, she just said "butt-hole". Huh huh.
	Season 7 / Episode 35: - The Future Of Beavis and Butt-head Job counselor: So, which duty do you enjoy most? Butt-head: Beavis enjoys all of his doodies. Beavis: Yeah! Job counselor: Well, which one do you enjoy most? Job counselor: Um, well... I guess the ones that take a long time. Job counselor: You like to get your hands dirty? Beavis: Well, yeah, sometimes. Job counselor: Something you can really sink your teeth into? Beavis: Um... no, that's disgusting.
	Season 7 / Episode 32: - Work Is Death Burger World Manager: You don't get workers compensation for fighting, it has to be an accident. Beavis: You mean we, like, need to poop in our pants?
	Season 7 / Episode 27: - The Miracle That Is Beavis Butt-Head: [after seeing a commercial about a book 'Seize the Power'] Hey Beavis. Seize my weiner.
	Season 7 / Episode 12: - Citizens Arrest Butt-head: That cop said that we can like arrest people, because we're citizen's. Beavis: Yah, hmm hmm. Cit-E-Sins. Butt-head: Uh huh huh. Beware the long arm of Butt-head. Beavis: Yah, Beware the long wiener of Beavis.
	Season 7 / Episode 11: - Nose Bleed Butt-head: [having put tampons in their noses to stop the bleeding] I feel kinda fresh. Uh-heh-heh-heh. Beavis: Yeah - and free! Butt-head: Let's go play some tennis. Uh-heh-heh-heh. Beavis: Yeah. And then we can go... heh-heh-heh... horseback riding.
	Season 7 / Episode 2: - Vaya Con Cornholio Butt-head: Uhhh... hey. Uhhh, how can I... uhhh, help you this... tonight? Huh, huh, huh. Immigration Officer: Hi, Immigration. Butt-head: Uhhh... what? Huh, huh, huh. Butt-head: Im-mi-gra-tion. Butt-head: [Checks on the Computer] Uhhh, it has to be on the menu, sir. Immigration Officer: No dumbass, I'm with Immigration! Butt-head: Really? Where? Immigration Officer: Listen, I work with the Government. I'm checking to see if any Illegal aliens are working here. Butt-head: Uhh... Oh, you mean like... Mexicans?
	Season 6 / Episode 18: - Substitute Police officer: [testing Beavis and Butt-head for sobriety] First, I want you to close your eyes, tilt your head back and touch your nose. Butt-head: Uh... You'd better not try to steal our beers! Huh, huh, huh.
	Season 6 / Episode 17: - P.T.A. Butt-head: Hey Beavis, check it out. [reads a box of condoms] "Spermicidal lubricant with a reservoir tip ribbed for her pleasure."
	Season 6 / Episode 16: - Yard Sale Substitute Teacher: So what's your name? Butt-head: Joe Substitute Teacher: Joe What? Butt-head: Joe Mama Substitute Teacher: That's funny!, How about you? What's your name? Beavis: Umm... Jack... Jack Mama. Substitute Teacher: Well you can't blame someone for trying.
	Season 6 / Episode 13: - Sprout Butt-head: [watching a music video] Did you know that this girl's name is Chick? Beavis: Whoa, really? Butt-head: Yeah. That's pretty cool 'cause her name is Chick and she's a chick. So you'll never forget her name. Beavis: Maybe I should change my name to Dude. Butt-head: Yeah, or maybe you can change it to Dumbass.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Gang Of Two Harry Sachz: [answers phone] YEAH? Beavis: [Butthead is straining to take a dump in the john and then does so and Beavis then flushes the john] IT'S HARRY SACHZ! Harry Sachz: YOU! Harry Sachz: NOW SOMEONE GONNA DIE!
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Gang Of Two Butt-head: [Harry Sachz has just called the boys on his phone with his Phone I.D. and Butthead answers the phone] Hello? Harry Sachz: You just won yourself a free pizza. We will be happy to deliver it right over to your house. What's your address? Butt-head: Um? Harry Sachz: You don't know your own address? Butt-head: Um hehhehhehhehheh! Harry Sachz: Uh tell you what you got any mail around? Read me the address off of that. Butt-head: [to Beavis] Uh do we like have any mail around? Beavis: Uh lets see. Beavis: There's that stuff we took out of Stewart's mailbox. Butt-head: [to Harry Sachz] Uh, Ok! Harry Sachz: Good. Now, what does it say? Butt-head: Uh, Stewart Stevenson 67 Maple Street. Now hurry up and bring over that pizza. I'm hungry.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Gang Of Two Harry Sachz: Hello? Beavis: Um, um... YOU SUCK!
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - 1995 Christmas Special Butt-head: Uh, Beavis, did you cut the cheese? Huh huh huh. Beavis: Uh, heh heh, I don't think so. Child: The baby's diaper is dirty. Butt-head: Oh really? Huh huh huh, that's cool. Beavis: Yeah, I'm tellin' ya, Butt-Head, that kid kicks ass. Child: Read me a story. Butt-head: No way, you don't have to read if you're not in school, dude. Huh huh huh.
	Season 6 / Episode 4: - Feel A Cop Butt-head: [the boys learn the woman posing as a prostitute is an undercover cop] So you mean you're just a cop? Undercover cop: Yes. Butt-head: If you're a cop why don't you get rid of this dork so we can get it on? Cop: Look, you're lucky you didn't get arrested. Beavis: Do they have any real prostitutes around here? 'Cause I still have a stiffy.
	Season 6 / Episode 3: - U.S. History Daria Morgendorffer: You two will never graduate. Butt-head: Never masturbate? Daria Morgendorffer: GRADuate. As in, like finish school. Beavis: You mean, like, school ends? Daria Morgendorffer: Yeah. Beavis: Cool.
	Season 6 / Episode 3: - U.S. History Beavis: No! I wanna give my report first! Ok, my anal report... I mean, oral report, is on the time me and Butt-head had dinner and stuff. Mr. Van Driessen: What does that have to do with US history? Beavis: Shut up, I'm not done yet!
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Bungholio - Lord Of The Harvest Beavis: [the boys dressing up as ghosts using bedsheets] Umm... These sheets smell funny. Butt-head: Yeah, Huh Huh. These are my special monkey sheets. Beavis: [Beavis tries to get it off of himself] Aggh! Dammit! Get it off me! Ah Aggh!
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Bungholio - Lord Of The Harvest Tom Anderson: [Beavis & Butt-head are trick-or-treating at Mr. Anderson's door] What the hell are you supposed to be? Butt-head: Uhhh, I'm a dumb ass [mocks his own laugh] Uh huh huh huh huh.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Bungholio - Lord Of The Harvest Trick-or-treater's Dad: [to Beavis & Butt-Head] You take my kid's candy, and I KICK YOUR ASSES [punches Butt-head in the stomach, and kicks Beavis in the face] Happy Halloween! [slams the door]
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Bungholio - Lord Of The Harvest Todd Ianuzzi: [stops his car] Hey man, move your ass out of the street. Beavis: [as Cornholio] Are you threatening me? Todd Ianuzzi: [grabs Beavis ready to punch him] What did you say, punk? Beavis: Do not underestimate the powers of the all mighty bunghole Todd Ianuzzi: [Todd's gang joins him] This is messed up man.
	Season 5 / Episode 47: - Sexual Harrassment Beavis: [watching a Tom Petty video] Hey Butt-head, how come Tom Petty is famous? Butt-Head: Because he's on TV, dumbass. Beavis: Yeah, but like... but how did he get on TV? Butt-Head: Uh... because he's famous. Beavis: Yeah, but, I mean, like, how did he get famous? Butt-Head: He got famous because he's on TV. Beavis: YEAH, YEAH, BUT HOW DID HE GET ON TV? Butt-Head: Because he's famous, Beavis! Now shut up before I smack the bejesus out of you!
	Season 5 / Episode 46: - Spanish Fly Butt-head: [watching a music video] This chick has really small nostrils. Beavis: Anyone's nostrils would look small to you, Butthead. You look like a cow.
	Season 5 / Episode 46: - Spanish Fly Butt-head: Beavis, you're gonna keep talking about loogies and I'm gonna be too busy swinging around my gigantic schlong.
	Season 5 / Episode 44: - Patsies Buzzcut: For today's positive activity: Your gonna wash my Wagoneer. P.A.T. Kid: Um, that's not what my dad said we were doing. Buzzcut: Your dad's not here, boy. And for the tenth time: If you don't SHUT UP, I'm gonna positivley KILL YOU!
	Season 5 / Episode 42: - Whiplash Butt-head: [watching a Jerry Lee Lewis video] It's like all you need to do is, like, you know, kick the piano and do it with your cousin, and you'll be cool forever.
	Season 5 / Episode 40: - Womyn Butt-head: Damnit, Beavis we've got a room full of chicks here who do it for free and all you can think about it how come there aren't more guys here? Beavis: Well, yeah, how come? Butt-head: Beavis, I'm a little disappointed in you.
	Season 5 / Episode 37: - Another Friday Night Butt-head: [watching a Janet Jackson music video] Uh, "Hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of cokes, and a bunch of whores." Beavis: Yeah! "And a side order of Poop!" Butt-head: Uh, what did you say, Beavis? Beavis: Um, y'know, I was just saying..."And a side order of Poop!" Butt-head: [annoyed] Oh, boy. Beavis, you just sent my boner into the ground.

« previous12 3 4 5 6 7 next »

» Back to Beavis and Butt-Head TV Show