Batman: The Animated Series - Episode Quotes

Fun Facts: » Trivia » Quotes » Goofs

Batman: The Animated Series Quotes

	Unknown Episode: Det. Harvey Bullock: Nivens? Nivens: Why wouldn't you move? Why wouldn't you get out? Det. Harvey Bullock: You wrote me those letters? Nivens: Do you have any idea what your apartment is worth these days? Det. Harvey Bullock: You wanted my apartment? You mean, this whole thing was about rent control? Nivens: No, no, no! I wanted you gone! You're not a tenant, you're a pestilence! You insult me, you treat me like dirt! NO JURY IN THE WORLD WOULD HAVE CONVICTED ME! Nivens: They wouldn't have convicted me!
	Unknown Episode: Batman: Duvall. Robin: It can't be! He'd be over a hundred years old! Ra's Al Ghul: He was sentenced to fifty years at hard labor. No one expected him to survive such a sentence. No one but me. Batman: The Lazarus Pit. Ra's Al Ghul: When he was a young man. Although even its curative properties cannot restore him now. I had lost track of him until I found him in that rest home. Batman: Why would you come back for Duval now, after abandoning him all those years ago? Ra's Al Ghul: Did you really imagine, Detective, that in my six hundred years of life, that I had sired only one offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle I realized that Arkady was too mentally unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. Batman: But you didn't forget him. Ra's Al Ghul: What father can ever forget his son? Come Detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords some other time. But for now... let me take my boy home.
	Unknown Episode: Arkady Duvall: You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. Jonah Hex: My heart's all a-flutter.
	Unknown Episode: Sheriff: Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothing on fire. Slipping, ain't you? Jonah Hex: I'm still a little bushed. Sheriff: Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tied, just all used up. Jonah Hex: Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course, and it's a big plump fly.
	Unknown Episode: Barmaid: Good luck, Jonah Hex. Jonah Hex: Right nice sentiment, Ma'am. But I never cotton much to luck. I like to make my own.
	Unknown Episode: Arkady Duvall: You're either a liar or a fool. Jonah Hex: I've been known to be foolish, but ain't nobody calls me a liar and goes to bed happy.
	Unknown Episode: Arkady Duvall: You! I don't believe it! Jonah Hex: Guess I'm just a bad penny. Arkady Duvall: Why are you doing this? Jonah Hex: Because I don't like you.
	Unknown Episode: Jonah Hex: I'm gettin' too old for this.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Deep Freeze Grant Walker: As I've said, I've studied you and your work. Do you realize that in your condition, you age slower than a normal human? You're practically immortal, my friend! Dr. Victor Fries: Yes... eternal life trapped within this wretched shell. What a miserable joke. Grant Walker: Oh, miserable to you, but a godsend to me! Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've achieved wonders if my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you did, a being of blessed, impenetrable cold! Dr. Victor Fries: You're insane. Grant Walker: Only you have the knowledge to duplicate the accident that made you what you are - what I long to become! Dr. Victor Fries: You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see, but never touch? Dr. Victor Fries: Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Deep Freeze Grant Walker: Just think of it. Inside, there will be no crime, no corruption... Robin: You can add free will to that list! Grant Walker: A small price to pay, for order. Batman: Your order, for your select few! Grant Walker: Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Make 'Em Laugh Batmobile Receiver: Disturbance reported at the Top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with that appears to be a... ketchup gun. Batman: It's gonna be one of those nights.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Make 'Em Laugh Batman: You've hit a new low, Joker. Only you would ruin three lives for a silly piece of tin. The Joker: You're dumber than you look, Bats. It's not the trophy that matters, it's the title! I am the greatest clown this dismal burg has ever seen! Where would the good folk of Gotham be without my pranks and antics? Batman: Let's find out!
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Harley's Holiday Harley Quinn: I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over or blow me up!
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Harley's Holiday Harley Quinn: I got one question. I've been nothing but trouble. How come you've been so nice to me? Batman: I know what it's like to try to rebuild a life. Batman: I had a bad day too, once. Harley Quinn: Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Time Out Of Joint Mayor Hamilton Hill: You! But how did you get past... The Clock King: Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps?
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Baby-Doll Baby Doll: I didn't mean to.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Baby-Doll Baby Doll: [after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard] Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Baby-Doll Robin: Wow, lady... you're good. Miriam: It's a living.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Riddler's Reform The Riddler: It's impossible, I tell you, impossible! My trap was perfect! HOW DID HE DO IT? I have to know! Somebody tell me, it's not fair! There was no way, I tell you! No way he could have gotten out! Somebody tell me! Do you hear me! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I have to know! I HAVE TO KNO-O-O-O-OW!
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Riddler's Reform The Riddler: There's no way you could have escaped from that explosion! How did you get out? Batman: That's my little riddle. The Riddler: Please, you must tell me! All right, I'll make you a deal. You tell me how you escaped, and I'll tell you where I've hidden all the things I've stolen. Batman: So you admit it? The Riddler: Yes. I'll even tell you how I committed those robberies. Deal? Batman: No. Batman: Did you get that? Commissioner James Gordon: We got it. Commissioner James Gordon: We've got plenty of evidence. You're going away for good this time. Commissioner James Gordon: [re: the radio] My compliments. This is a great little idea. The Riddler: [stops] Wait a minute! Aren't you gonna tell me how you did it? That's not fair!
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Bane Bane: You are beaten! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! Batman: Never.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Bane Bane: You can't do this to me! I am invincible! I AM BANE!
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Bane Bane: You are lucky, Batman. Were I a common sniper, you would never have reached the phone.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Harlequinade Harley Quinn: You thought I was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo! Well, the joke's on you, 'cause I'm not even a real blonde.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Harlequinade Harley Quinn: But what about all our friends? Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat Guy and Lizard Man and Puppet Head and... The Joker: What about them? Batman: Don't forget your little pets! Harley Quinn: [gasp] The babies! We can't leave the babies! The Joker: I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go!
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Harlequinade Harley Quinn: [reaches for the dashboard] I want to listen to the radio! Batman: Don't! Harley Quinn: Oops. Batman: Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or *do* anything unless I tell you! GOT IT? Harley Quinn: [small voice] Yes, sir.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Harlequinade Harley Quinn: Gee, it's amazing the things you find in people's glove compartments.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Harlequinade Harley Quinn: Oh, the irony of it! The stalwart Dark Knight and his greatest female adversary, working together to save the city! Harley Quinn: I sense a lack of trust.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Trial D.A. Janet Van Dorn: I see now there's a need for what you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. Batman: Me too.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Trial Harleen Quinzel: I just wanna say, if there was no Batman, there'd be no Joker, and I'd have never met my puddin'. Thank you, Batman. D.A. Janet Van Dorn: Sad, isn't it. Harleen Quinzel was a doctor her at Arkham until the Joker twisted her mind. Harleen Quinzel: Ha! You're just jealous because you don't have a fella who's as lovin' and loyal as my puddin' is to me! D.A. Janet Van Dorn: Ah-ha. And I suppose it was that same "loyalty" I saw the last time you escaped and "Puddin'" here, [points to the Joker] finked on you in hopes of getting time off! Harleen Quinzel: Is that true, Puddin'? The Joker: [sheepishly] "Finked" is such an ugly word... Harleen Quinzel: [grabs the Joker and starts shaking him] You lousy, scum sucking creep! The Joker: The witness is excused!