Michael Bluth

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Jason Bateman
Jason Bateman is an American film and television actor best known for his role as Michael Bluth on the ...

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Michael Bluth Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Family Ties Narrator: And Michael went to investigate his mystery sister. Lucille: Michael! What a surprise! Michael Bluth: Really? Were you expecting someone else? Maybe one of your... two daughters? Lucille: Oh Lindsay and Tobias never visit. [laughs] Oh we're so bad. Michael Bluth: I meant Lindsay and Nellie. Lucille: You call him that too? It's so great to be able to talk like this!
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Fakin' It Michael Bluth: I am not going to turn this mock trial into some kind of... Gob: You were going to say "mockery", weren't you? Michael Bluth: I was in trouble like three words into that.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Fakin' It George Bluth Sr.: [Michael gets the witness list for the deposition] Who's on the list? Any blabbers? Michael Bluth: Just one, but he wont be talking unless there's a hand inside of them. Tobias Fünke: Oh please, even then, I wouldn't say anything. Michael Bluth: [stunned] That's reassuring. I was talking about Franklin, actually.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Fakin' It Michael Bluth: Is the an "N. Bluth" in the family we don't know about? They say there's been money found in an account under that name. George Bluth Sr.: Of course not. The prosecution is trying to test us, see if we're going to turn against each other. They make stuff up. She doesn't exist. Michael Bluth: Yet you refer to her as a she. George Bluth Sr.: He... she... what's the difference? Tobias Fünke: Oh here, here. In the dark, it all looks the same.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Fakin' It Michael Bluth: And I am going to be pretending to be your lawyer during the mock trial, whether you like it or not. George Bluth Sr.: You're the lawyer! Oh, that's the same representation Captain Hook had. Lucille Bluth: Oh, it's so good to laugh again!
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Prison Break-In Michael Bluth: [Michael and GOB are trying to break into the prison] If only we had a map. Gob: [rips off his shirt revealing a map] Like this? I drew it upside down. Michael Bluth: This is going to be awkward. Narrator: It was awkward. Prison guard: [Michael is awkwardly positioned over GOB] Hey guys, if you want to party, maybe you should take it inside? Gob: That was a freebie.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Prison Break-In Michael Bluth: I'll just stay here and read, then. Narrator: This too proved challenging as the Bluth family had no books. [Michael opens up a box with copies of "The Man Inside Me"] Except for those. And that's when Michael got a glimpse of the warden's true intentions with his mother. Michael Bluth: [after reading the screenplay] I wish I had read "The Man Inside Me".
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Forget Me Now Michael Bluth: We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - For British Eyes Only Lucille Bluth: And guess what else is back? [Lucille winks] Michael Bluth: My breakfast? Lucille Bluth: My friskiness. Mama horny, Michael. Michael Bluth: No, it's my breakfast. I'm amazed Dad hasn't strangled himself with his belt yet. Lucille Bluth: Oh, we're into all kinds of freaky stuff. Michael Bluth: Why do I eat breakfast before I come here?
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Cabin Show Michael Bluth: You seem more villainous than usual, Mom; are you sober? Lucille: Michael, it's eight a.m. Michael Bluth: So, it's not that. Lucille: I don't know. Maybe it's because I went off my post-partum medication. Michael Bluth: You were still taking that? You had Buster thirty-two years ago. Lucille: And that's how long I've been depressed about him. Lucille: Well, apparently, mood-altering medication leads to street drugs. That's what this very handsome young doctor said on the Today Show. Michael Bluth: That was Tom Cruise, the actor. Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Cabin Show Michael Bluth: [Michael discovers that Oscar is in prison, not George] I'm sure that Oscar could last another day in prison. Narrator: Not according to the most recent blog entry on imoscar.com.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Cabin Show Michael Bluth: This all makes sense now. Dad's in Reno, Kitty's in Reno, Dad's in Kitty, and Dad's a Blue Man.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Cabin Show Michael Bluth: I'm looking for a man who's probably in the seedy underbelly of Reno. Cab Driver: Oh, the Christian League had The Seedy Underbelly shut down. Now it's a Swallows. Narrator: Swallows was a family-style restaurant by day and an anything-goes, pan-sexual bazaar by night.
	Season 2 / Episode 16: - Meet the Veals Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear. Michael Bluth: G.O.B., weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act? Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - The Immaculate Election Michael Bluth: [GOB is being escorted out of the office] You guys didn't have to do this... Narrator: The guard had recently lost half his tie to "Office Magic".
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - The Immaculate Election Michael Bluth: I asked you to clean the house and you only did it once. Lindsay Funke: You didn't even thank me for doing it. Narrator: She didn't even do it that time but instead intercepted her mother's housekeeper Lupe. Lindsay Funke: Yoo hoo! I'll take you the rest of the way! Lupe: [holds up a pair of underwear] Almost done. Yours? Or Meesters? Lindsay Funke: Meesters. Narrator: Lupe never accepted a ride from her again.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Ready, Aim, Marry Me Michael Bluth: [looking at a gift basket Michael received] Didn't you get one of those, too? You bought Lindsay at the same auction. Tobias Fünke: I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Michael Bluth: There's so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Burning Love George Sr.: [George Sr. installs a hot tub in the attic] It's so hot. You got to get it outta here, Mikey, my eyes, they're burning. Michael Bluth: That's why people don't typically cook in these things or install them in attics. George Sr.: They looked good on the package. Michael Bluth: Is that chicken marsala stuck in the intake?
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Afternoon Delight Michael Bluth: Well, you do it your way, GOB, I'm just here to have fun. Gob: Well, not too much fun. I gave my big sexual harassment speech earlier today. Gob: [earlier that day] Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any inter-office bleep or bleep -ing, or finger bleep or bleep -sting or bleep -esting or bleep eing or bleep or even bleep . Oh and if anyone tries anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll show you my bleep . And I'll personally really long bleep .
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Afternoon Delight Lucille: I have a plan to stave off intruders. Michael Bluth: What's that? Lucille: [holds up an air horn and a fire poker] First I blow him then I poke him. Michael Bluth: [stunned] Guy doesn't know what he's in for.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Afternoon Delight Michael Bluth: You may want to start acting like the president, GOB. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees. Gob: Yeah, like the president has to worry about alienating the employees. Narrator: In fact, GOB had started to alienate some of the employees. Gob: [in the break room] Yeah, like I'm going to spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit! COME ON! Gob: [at the elevator] Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. COME ON! Gob: [in the bathroom] Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit! COME ON!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Good Grief! Michael Bluth: I think George-Michael is hiding Ann in the attic. Lindsay Bluth Fünke: From who, the Nazis? Michael Bluth: No, his girlfriend from me. I just caught him sneaking up to her in the attic and he clearly did so because he thinks I don't approve. I think I'm gonna invite her to the wake. Why make him hide? Why do to him what... Why do to him what Dad used to do to me? Lindsay Bluth Fünke: [sobbing] He was so amazing. Michael Bluth: That was actually an example of how not so amazing he was. You're really going through something here, huh? Lindsay Bluth Fünke: I know. You know, it's funny-all those years when I pretended to cry... I used to use Dad's death to get me going. I tried it with Mom's, but I'd just end up smiling and ruining it. But it feels, like, real. You know? And you haven't really allowed yourself to grieve much at all, Michael. Michael Bluth: My relationship with Dad was much more-much more complicated than yours. It was predicated a lot on secrets and lies. There wasn't a lot of trust there. Tobias Fünke: Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. I'm not gonna cry about my pa. I'm gonna buy an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? You can keep them bottled up, Michael, but they will come out. Sometimes in the most unexpected- [opens refrigerator and looks inside] Hey, where the fuck are my hard-boiled eggs?
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The One Where Michael Leaves (2) Michael Bluth: How much damage could he possibly cause? Narrator: In just three hours, Gob had caused $45,000 worth of damage. George "Gob" Bluth II: Hit there.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The One Where Michael Leaves (2) Lindsay Bluth Fünke: What did he say? Tell me the last thing he said. Tobias Fünke: [flashback] I'm afraid I just blue myself. Michael Bluth: He said some wonderful things.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The One Where Michael Leaves (2) Michael Bluth: Spent an entire year living in that model home with those people and all they did was lie to us. Narrator: The most recent lie was that the doctor said that George Sr. had a heart attack while in prison. Doctor: We lost him. Narrator: But what the doctor meant to say was that he had escaped, a feat he had accomplished by using the family's portable stairway vehicle.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The One Where Michael Leaves (2) Tobias Fünke: I'm afraid that I just blue myself. Michael Bluth: There really has got to be a better way to say that.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The One Where Michael Leaves (2) Lindsay Bluth Fünke: [Tobias was run over by a car] How is he? The Literal Doctor: It looks like he's dead. [everyone gasps in shock] Michael Bluth: Wait, is he really dead or does it look like he's dead? The Literal Doctor: It looks like he's dead. He's covered in blue paint or something. [everyone starts shouting and throwing things at him]
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Let 'Em Eat Cake (1) Michael Bluth: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason? George Sr.: First time! Michael Bluth: I've never heard of a second. George Sr.: I got the worst [bleep]-ing attorneys.
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Whistler's Mother Lucille: Oh I seem to remember a certain young man who completely fell apart two weeks ago when I taped over the Nova special with the girl he liked on it. Michael Bluth: That was Buster. And that's my point.
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Whistler's Mother George Bluth Sr.: Michael, do you have any idea what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you? Michael Bluth: Just one? No, I don't. It sounds wonderful, though.

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