07x13 - Dr. Klaustus Season 7 / Episode 13: - Dr. Klaustus

Steve Smith: Au revoir, les enfants. That means *BEEP* you!
07x12 - The Wrestler Season 7 / Episode 12: - The Wrestler

Roger: Small bills are in the safe, the rest are in my ass.
07x12 - The Wrestler Season 7 / Episode 12: - The Wrestler

Francine Smith: You don't want to be here after closing... that's when they come to life.
07x08 - The Unbrave One Season 7 / Episode 8: - The Unbrave One

Francine Smith: Stan, I'm late for my period.
Stan Smith: Maybe if you jump up and down... get things started.
07x02 - Hurricane! Season 7 / Episode 2: - Hurricane!

Stan Smith: [sighs] What a day.
Cleveland Brown: [off-screen] Tell me about it.


Cleveland Brown: I don't even know where the hell I am.
Stan Smith: [pulls out a gun] Looter!
Cleveland Brown: [also pulls out a gun] Self-defense!


Peter Griffin: A black and a white talking as if it's normal!


Cleveland Brown: Peter, what are you doing? You know me!
Peter Griffin: Everybody shut up and let me think! Just let me think!


Francine Smith: Stan, have you...


Peter Griffin: [laughs] Oh, man. Classic "American Dad".
07x02 - Hurricane! Season 7 / Episode 2: - Hurricane!

Principal Lewis: [standing on the roof of a building during a hurricane, wearing speedos and firing two machine guns into the sky] End of days, bitches!
07x02 - Hurricane! Season 7 / Episode 2: - Hurricane!

Stan Smith: We're moving. The house is moving, I see that now.
06x12 - You Debt Your Life Season 6 / Episode 12: - You Debt Your Life

Snot: We had to do it, Steve... you were out of control.
Barry: Like my cholesterol!
06x10 - Stanny Boy and Frantastic Season 6 / Episode 10: - Stanny Boy and Frantastic

Roger: I will not be a loser, I will stay on this phone as long as it takes. Steve, go get the diaper I sleep in after Indian food.
06x10 - Stanny Boy and Frantastic Season 6 / Episode 10: - Stanny Boy and Frantastic

Cam: I can not tell you guys how glad we are to have found you. The last couple we met was so boring.
Tom: Well that's because they are so old, I mean they were like 40.
Steve Smith: 40, ha well Lois was he from that village in china where they live forever?
06x08 - For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls Season 6 / Episode 8: - For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls

Stan Smith: [simultaneously demonstrating with a rifle] Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.
06x06 - There Will Be Bad Blood Season 6 / Episode 6: - There Will Be Bad Blood

Stan Smith: We're going to their tepee in crap-hole Arizona.
06x02 - Son of Stan Season 6 / Episode 2: - Son of Stan

Steve Smith: Gotta go put a popsicle on the ol' starfish.
06x02 - Son of Stan Season 6 / Episode 2: - Son of Stan

Francine Smith: Chocolate chip pancakes and chardonnay... the Delta Burke breakfast it is!
06x01 - 100 A.D. Season 6 / Episode 1: - 100 A.D.

Francine Smith: [points at Jeff] Look at him... still rocks a goatee... poser ass bitch!
05x17 - An Incident at Owl Creek Season 5 / Episode 17: - An Incident at Owl Creek

Francine Smith: Do whatever you want. Just don't get it in my hair.
05x14 - Cops & Roger Season 5 / Episode 14: - Cops & Roger

Stan Smith: Roger's a dirty cop. He's been on the force for three hours!
05x13 - The Return of the Bling Season 5 / Episode 13: - The Return of the Bling

Stan Smith: Oh son, every day with you is like a punch in the nads.
05x11 - A Jones for a Smith Season 5 / Episode 11: - A Jones for a Smith

Stan Smith: Ten bucks. Ten bucks and you can slap me with it.
05x11 - A Jones for a Smith Season 5 / Episode 11: - A Jones for a Smith

Roger: You gonna share that crack you're doing or what?
Stan Smith: Crack? This is cold medicine.
Roger: No sir, it's crack.
Stan Smith: It's not crack! I bought on a park bench outside a soup kitchen from a guy in a lime green sui... oh my God it's crack.
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Roger: Ah, I love your religion - for the crazy! Virgin birth, water into wine; it's like Harry Potter, but it causes genocide and bad folk music.
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Roger: Ascent! You're flying now! I hope I haven't missed the part where the three Chinese guys give perfume to the star baby. [laughs] It's like the diaries of a madman!
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Stan Smith: I guess I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsie-daisys.
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Stan Smith: We can't use the open road. It's too dangerous.
Jesus Christ: What if we journey through Sector 16?
Stan Smith: Sector 16? The perfect man just proposed the perfect way to die.
Jesus Christ: Fine. What about Sector 35?
Stan Smith: Sector 35 makes Sector 16 look like Sector 48!
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Stan Smith: God pays twice as much attention on Christmas, like the media when a white kid goes missing.
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Stan Smith: It's raining wise men. Hallelujah.
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Francine Smith: Stan Smith... go to Heaven!
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Jesus Christ: Kneel before the Lord... punk.
05x09 - Rapture's Delight Season 5 / Episode 9: - Rapture's Delight

Francine Smith: [while watching everyone ascend] What's going on?
Father Donovan: It's the Rapture. Turns out there really IS a God.
05x08 - G-String Circus Season 5 / Episode 8: - G-String Circus

Roger the Alien: Pillow Fight! [clocks the hooker, knocking her out] Whoops, forgot I put some sodas in there...