American Dad! Quotes

American Dad!

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Every Which Way But Lose Roger Smith: If I have one more piece of vomit pie, I'm gonna pumpkin.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Every Which Way But Lose Steve: Wait a second, that's it! I can sign up for the footballs team! Dad loves sports! I bet he'd love to watch me play! Roger Smith: Steve, look at those kids. They're athletes. When was the last time you ran anywhere? I mean with your own legs, not by pressing 'X'?
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Every Which Way But Lose Stan Smith: Look at this! We're having a father/son moment. Steve: [punches Stan in the groin] Quit ruining it!
	Season 4 / Episode 13: - Jack's Back Stan Smith: [Talking about his camping trip with his dad and son] It was really fun, you should have been there, Francine. I mean, it was a father-son trip so if you had been there it would have ruined everything.
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Roy Rogers McFreely Stan Smith: An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Roy Rogers McFreely Stan Smith: Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Chimdale Male student in Steve's school: [seeing Steve wearing a back brace for correcting his scoliosis] Different! [all students start throwing things at Steve]
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - The One That Got Away Klaus: Damn you Hasbro!
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - The One That Got Away McCreary: You're familiar with the first line of "Genesis," right? Roger the Alien/Sydney Huffman: Well! I should say I am, sir, I should say I am! McCreary: Does this sound right? "In the beginning God created the Heavens and a transvestite who pooped mozzarella dinosaurs."
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Roger: [after dressing up as a woman in revealing clothing in an attempt to win a sexual harrsament settlement] Huh, Probably Shouldn't have farted before I started that walk
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Francine Smith: Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her! Stan Smith: My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant! Hayley Smith: It's just a nose ring. Stan Smith: It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about. Francine Smith: [to Hayley] Listen to your father. Sting's become a bit of a douche
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Roger: [Roger Begins his second attempt at his sexual harrasment suit by keeping a box of donuts between his legs] Hey, you looking for something glazed and bad for you?
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Frannie 911 Klaus: [Hayley runs naked outside] Say it! You have to say it! Hayley Smith: Help! Raccoons took my penis!
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Most Adequate Christmas Ever Stan Smith: [to Francine] Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator doesn't mean you know how it works.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Surro-Gate Klaus: Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made, for years my conduct has been largely benign and yet without provocation you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flame of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now... gooo and begin your life of fear, knowing, that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crush down upon you cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Big Trouble in Little Langley Stan Smith: Why did you cut her out of the will and leave everything to Gwen? Bah Bah: Because Gwen is moron. She needs lots of help. She failed math in school. Imagine, Chinese girl can't do math? Stan Smith: It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Big Trouble in Little Langley Francine Smith: Hayley, your cold sore is leaking into the mashed potatoes. Hayley: That's the last time I use a lipstick I found on the bus. Francine Smith: No one's buying that, honey.
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - Joint Custody Roger: [on the phone] Hello? Klaus: Roger, it's me. Jeff and Stan are at Jeff's father's house in North Carolina. Roger: Really? Klaus: Yes. Now, in return for this information, you must give me... [Roger hangs up]... nothing. If you had just waited for me to finish, you'd know I want nothing from you! [cries]
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - Joint Custody Stanley Smith: Why is there a leopard on the Cheetos bag? Wait. It's a cheetah. CheetAH. CheetOS. There is so much beauty in the world. [hugs bag of Cheetos.]
	Season 2 / Episode 18: - The Magnificent Steven Snot: Erm, I'm not trying to compare Dads. I'm just saying that yours is in his underwear swatting at invisible owls
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Black Mystery Month Steve Smith: Dad! When were you gonna tell me that you're part of the Illuminati? Stan Smith: Steve! That's crazy! I was never gonna tell you!
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Bush Comes to Dinner Stan Smith: [Roger tries to talk to the president. Stan slams a door in his face so he falls down] Uuh, that's our maid. George W. Bush: Oh, fun! I love Mexicans! Some say they're essential to our economy. Others say they're a drain on our resources. All I know is, burritos are delicious!
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Bush Comes to Dinner George W. Bush: [Bush goes into the bathroom] Oh! There's already a guy in here! Uh, Oh that's, no that's just a mirror.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Best Christmas Story Never The Ghost of Christmas Past: Um, we're kind of in a hurry here. Francine Smith: I'm not going back to that filthy decade without any Purrel!
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Of Ice and Men Francine Smith: You've been sneaking out for the last 20 winters to ice skate? How come you've never told me? Stan Smith: How can you tell someone you love you're a monster?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Dungeons and Wagons Stan Smith: Francine, run! Roger the Alien: Oh, can't a brother get a "Run, Roger"? Damn! Gotta be all self-runnin' and whatnot!
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Dungeons and Wagons Jeff: [in the game, they have obtained an amulet to bring Steve's character back to life] What do we do with the amulet? Hayley Smith: It's a suppository.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover Steve Smith: I thought we hated gays. Stan Smith: Well, that was before I knew they came in Republican form.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover Roger the Alien: [excited about Stan's fancy new drink] Oh my god, what is this and how can I replace my blood with it?
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover Terry: [yelling at Greg] Don't tell me you voted for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!

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