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American Dad! tv show

American Dad!

- Episode Quotes

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American Dad! Quotes

04x17 - Every Which Way But Lose Season 4 / Episode 17: - Every Which Way But Lose

Roger Smith: If I have one more piece of vomit pie, I'm gonna pumpkin.
04x17 - Every Which Way But Lose Season 4 / Episode 17: - Every Which Way But Lose

Steve: Wait a second, that's it! I can sign up for the footballs team! Dad loves sports! I bet he'd love to watch me play!
Roger Smith: Steve, look at those kids. They're athletes. When was the last time you ran anywhere? I mean with your own legs, not by pressing 'X'?
04x17 - Every Which Way But Lose Season 4 / Episode 17: - Every Which Way But Lose

Stan Smith: Look at this! We're having a father/son moment.
Steve: [punches Stan in the groin] Quit ruining it!
04x13 - Jack's Back Season 4 / Episode 13: - Jack's Back

Stan Smith: [Talking about his camping trip with his dad and son] It was really fun, you should have been there, Francine. I mean, it was a father-son trip so if you had been there it would have ruined everything.
04x12 - Roy Rogers McFreely Season 4 / Episode 12: - Roy Rogers McFreely

Stan Smith: An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!
04x12 - Roy Rogers McFreely Season 4 / Episode 12: - Roy Rogers McFreely

Stan Smith: Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.
04x08 - Chimdale Season 4 / Episode 8: - Chimdale

Male student in Steve's school: [seeing Steve wearing a back brace for correcting his scoliosis] Different! [all students start throwing things at Steve]
04x02 - The One That Got Away Season 4 / Episode 2: - The One That Got Away

Klaus: Damn you Hasbro!
04x02 - The One That Got Away Season 4 / Episode 2: - The One That Got Away

McCreary: You're familiar with the first line of "Genesis," right?
Roger the Alien/Sydney Huffman: Well! I should say I am, sir, I should say I am!
McCreary: Does this sound right? "In the beginning God created the Heavens and a transvestite who pooped mozzarella dinosaurs."
03x15 - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold

Roger: [after dressing up as a woman in revealing clothing in an attempt to win a sexual harrsament settlement] Huh, Probably Shouldn't have farted before I started that walk
03x15 - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold

Francine Smith: Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her!
Stan Smith: My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant!
Hayley Smith: It's just a nose ring.
Stan Smith: It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about.
Francine Smith: [to Hayley] Listen to your father. Sting's become a bit of a douche
03x15 - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold

Roger: [Roger Begins his second attempt at his sexual harrasment suit by keeping a box of donuts between his legs] Hey, you looking for something glazed and bad for you?
03x09 - Frannie 911 Season 3 / Episode 9: - Frannie 911

Klaus: [Hayley runs naked outside] Say it! You have to say it!
Hayley Smith: Help! Raccoons took my penis!
03x08 - The Most Adequate Christmas Ever Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Most Adequate Christmas Ever

Stan Smith: [to Francine] Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator doesn't mean you know how it works.
03x07 - Surro-Gate Season 3 / Episode 7: - Surro-Gate

Klaus: Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made, for years my conduct has been largely benign and yet without provocation you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flame of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now... gooo and begin your life of fear, knowing, that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crush down upon you cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish.
03x04 - Big Trouble in Little Langley Season 3 / Episode 4: - Big Trouble in Little Langley

Stan Smith: Why did you cut her out of the will and leave everything to Gwen?
Bah Bah: Because Gwen is moron. She needs lots of help. She failed math in school. Imagine, Chinese girl can't do math?
Stan Smith: It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes.
03x04 - Big Trouble in Little Langley Season 3 / Episode 4: - Big Trouble in Little Langley

Francine Smith: Hayley, your cold sore is leaking into the mashed potatoes.
Hayley: That's the last time I use a lipstick I found on the bus.
Francine Smith: No one's buying that, honey.
02x19 - Joint Custody Season 2 / Episode 19: - Joint Custody

Roger: [on the phone] Hello?
Klaus: Roger, it's me. Jeff and Stan are at Jeff's father's house in North Carolina.
Roger: Really?
Klaus: Yes. Now, in return for this information, you must give me... [Roger hangs up]... nothing. If you had just waited for me to finish, you'd know I want nothing from you! [cries]
02x19 - Joint Custody Season 2 / Episode 19: - Joint Custody

Stanley Smith: Why is there a leopard on the Cheetos bag? Wait. It's a cheetah. CheetAH. CheetOS. There is so much beauty in the world. [hugs bag of Cheetos.]
02x18 - The Magnificent Steven Season 2 / Episode 18: - The Magnificent Steven

Snot: Erm, I'm not trying to compare Dads. I'm just saying that yours is in his underwear swatting at invisible owls
02x13 - Black Mystery Month Season 2 / Episode 13: - Black Mystery Month

Steve Smith: Dad! When were you gonna tell me that you're part of the Illuminati?
Stan Smith: Steve! That's crazy! I was never gonna tell you!
02x10 - Bush Comes to Dinner Season 2 / Episode 10: - Bush Comes to Dinner

Stan Smith: [Roger tries to talk to the president. Stan slams a door in his face so he falls down] Uuh, that's our maid.
George W. Bush: Oh, fun! I love Mexicans! Some say they're essential to our economy. Others say they're a drain on our resources. All I know is, burritos are delicious!
02x10 - Bush Comes to Dinner Season 2 / Episode 10: - Bush Comes to Dinner

George W. Bush: [Bush goes into the bathroom] Oh! There's already a guy in here! Uh, Oh that's, no that's just a mirror.
02x09 - The Best Christmas Story Never Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Best Christmas Story Never

The Ghost of Christmas Past: Um, we're kind of in a hurry here.
Francine Smith: I'm not going back to that filthy decade without any Purrel!
02x07 - Of Ice and Men Season 2 / Episode 7: - Of Ice and Men

Francine Smith: You've been sneaking out for the last 20 winters to ice skate? How come you've never told me?
Stan Smith: How can you tell someone you love you're a monster?
02x05 - Dungeons and Wagons Season 2 / Episode 5: - Dungeons and Wagons

Stan Smith: Francine, run!
Roger the Alien: Oh, can't a brother get a "Run, Roger"? Damn! Gotta be all self-runnin' and whatnot!
02x05 - Dungeons and Wagons Season 2 / Episode 5: - Dungeons and Wagons

Jeff: [in the game, they have obtained an amulet to bring Steve's character back to life] What do we do with the amulet?
Hayley Smith: It's a suppository.
02x04 - Lincoln Lover Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover

Steve Smith: I thought we hated gays.
Stan Smith: Well, that was before I knew they came in Republican form.
02x04 - Lincoln Lover Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover

Roger the Alien: [excited about Stan's fancy new drink] Oh my god, what is this and how can I replace my blood with it?
02x04 - Lincoln Lover Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover

Terry: [yelling at Greg] Don't tell me you voted for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!


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