Steve Smith

American Dad!

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Played by:

Scott Grimes

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Steve Smith Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Black Mystery Month Steve Smith: Dad! When were you gonna tell me that you're part of the Illuminati? Stan Smith: Steve! That's crazy! I was never gonna tell you!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover Steve Smith: I thought we hated gays. Stan Smith: Well, that was before I knew they came in Republican form.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover Steve Smith: [to Francine] God, you can be so selfish! I'm doing this for me!
	Season 1 / Episode 19: - It's Good to be Queen Mitch: What delivering pizzas has taught me, is that Easy Street is not always the best route. Steve Smith: So true... Roger the Alien: When someone starts a sentence with "What delivering pizzas has taught me", that's usually the go-ahead to tune out.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Hayley Smith: [about the mall] What kind of idiot would buy into this materialistic crap? Steve Smith: And we widen to reveal... Stan Smith: Look at all this cool stuff!
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Steve Smith: Dad, I'm meeting the fellas at the movies. Can I have a few bucks for popcorn? Stan Smith: [wearing a money suit] Do I look like I'm made of money?
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Stan of Arabia (2) Steve Smith: [Steve is wandering through the Saudi Arabian Desert and is delirious] Steve Smith: OK, I'm cool. Whatever life throws at me I can handle. Because I, am a strong, independent black woman... I mean white teenager!
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Hayley Smith: Steve, come on! I'm supposed to meet the neighbor's son in 20 minutes! Steve Smith: You know the rule. Say it, and I'll escort you to the bazaar. Hayley Smith: [sighs] You're the manliest man in the history of manly men. Steve Smith: And? Hayley Smith: And when you're in your late 30s, you may have a chance at convincing a long-time female friend to have awkward pity-sex with you, once. Steve Smith: Aww yeah!
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Steve Smith: Come on, Hayley. You're going to the movies with Jeff, anyway. Just give me a ride. Hayley Smith: You know the rule. Steve Smith: [sighs] You're the most environmentally-conscious, self-actualized feminist in the world... Hayley Smith: And? Steve Smith: And I'm a douchebag.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - A Smith in the Hand Stanley Smith: You don't need to know. That's the beautiful mystery of sex. Steve Smith: Well, I guess not. But... Stanley Smith: See, if I tell you about it, it won't be a mystery. It will just be a fact. An ugly, moist fact, squatting on your brain like an octopus. And, you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, do you, Son? Steve Smith: No. Stanley Smith: And that's where babies come from.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - A Smith in the Hand Steve Smith: So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage? Stanley Smith: That's right. Or angels will kill you. Good night.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - A Smith in the Hand Steve Smith: Dad! There you are. Stanley Smith: Of-of course I'm here. Wh-where else would I be? Alone? Touching myself? Steve Smith: Yeah, right. Only perverts and democrats do that. Stanley Smith: [laughs] Well said, soldier.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Deacon Stan, Jesus Man Steve Smith: I touched her hand. Her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I got some boob. Algebra's awesome!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Deacon Stan, Jesus Man Steve Smith: I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Deacon Stan, Jesus Man Steve Smith: Hi, Betsy. Steve Smith. We were in first grade together - before you Ieft for gymnastics camp. Steve Smith: Steve! Great to see you again. Steve Smith: Are you still into the juice and crackers thing? Betsy: No. I'm on an ultra-strict diet. I can only eat what Coach Béla Kàrolyi approves. [holds up glass of water with a lemon wedge] Bela Karolyi: [Horrified] Lemon wedge? Fatty wants a lemon wedge? Here's your precious lemon wedge! [rubs it into Betsy's face]
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Steve Smith: [talking about the cool things a video game alien can do] Oh... um... sorry, Roger Roger the Alien: No, no, you said it. It's out in the open. We have to live with it now.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Steve Smith: Seriously, can't you do anything? Roger the Alien: I can get my feelings hurt and throw a world-class hissy fit!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Steve Smith: I'm running away. It's the only way I can escape those psycho Rangers. Roger the Alien: Oh! Oh, take me with you. Maybe my special power is keeping you from getting molested at the bus station. Maybe.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Stanley Smith: Son, if you ever get captured by any terrorists in the neighborhood and end up on al-Jazeera, just blink you location in Morse code. I'll have a bomb dropped on your location immediately. Steve Smith: But, Dad, then I'd get killed too. Stanley Smith: Ah, come on son, there are plenty of kids to play with in heaven. Your cousin Billy. That little girl from Poltergeist. She must be about 16 by now, you could totally tap that.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Roger Codger Steve Smith: Don't you have any feelings? Stanley Smith: Son, feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Stan Knows Best Roger the Alien: I even watched the latest Meg Ryan movie where she played that burn victim. Steve Smith: She never played a burn victim. Roger the Alien: Oh, Meg, honey...
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Stan Knows Best Steve Smith: Quivecs? That's not a word. Roger the Alien: It is on my planet! Francine Smith: Is it a proper noun? Roger the Alien: Damn!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Stanley Smith: Hillary, look out for the mine! [Explosion] Stanley Smith: What did I say? You heard me, what did I say? Steve Smith: You said look out for the mine. Stanley Smith: I said look out for the mine.

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