Stan Smith

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Seth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his ...

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Stan Smith Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Every Which Way But Lose Stan Smith: Look at this! We're having a father/son moment. Steve: [punches Stan in the groin] Quit ruining it!
	Season 4 / Episode 13: - Jack's Back Stan Smith: [Talking about his camping trip with his dad and son] It was really fun, you should have been there, Francine. I mean, it was a father-son trip so if you had been there it would have ruined everything.
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Roy Rogers McFreely Stan Smith: An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Roy Rogers McFreely Stan Smith: Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Francine Smith: Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her! Stan Smith: My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant! Hayley Smith: It's just a nose ring. Stan Smith: It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about. Francine Smith: [to Hayley] Listen to your father. Sting's become a bit of a douche
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Most Adequate Christmas Ever Stan Smith: [to Francine] Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator doesn't mean you know how it works.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Big Trouble in Little Langley Stan Smith: Why did you cut her out of the will and leave everything to Gwen? Bah Bah: Because Gwen is moron. She needs lots of help. She failed math in school. Imagine, Chinese girl can't do math? Stan Smith: It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Black Mystery Month Steve Smith: Dad! When were you gonna tell me that you're part of the Illuminati? Stan Smith: Steve! That's crazy! I was never gonna tell you!
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Bush Comes to Dinner Stan Smith: [Roger tries to talk to the president. Stan slams a door in his face so he falls down] Uuh, that's our maid. George W. Bush: Oh, fun! I love Mexicans! Some say they're essential to our economy. Others say they're a drain on our resources. All I know is, burritos are delicious!
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Of Ice and Men Francine Smith: You've been sneaking out for the last 20 winters to ice skate? How come you've never told me? Stan Smith: How can you tell someone you love you're a monster?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Dungeons and Wagons Stan Smith: Francine, run! Roger the Alien: Oh, can't a brother get a "Run, Roger"? Damn! Gotta be all self-runnin' and whatnot!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Lincoln Lover Steve Smith: I thought we hated gays. Stan Smith: Well, that was before I knew they came in Republican form.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Hayley Smith: [about the mall] What kind of idiot would buy into this materialistic crap? Steve Smith: And we widen to reveal... Stan Smith: Look at all this cool stuff!
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: This man's given me something you haven't for a long time. Stan Smith: We've talked about this. My neck gets tired. Francine Smith: I'm talking about respect, Stan. Stan Smith: Oh my God, you respected her?! You're dead, Klaus!
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Stan Smith: Now, make me that breakfast you owe me. Klaus: Right away. But first, let me ask you something. How many eggs should I eat to get enough energy to plow your wife? Stan Smith: Uh, three should do it... What?!
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Stan Smith: Here we go - mac and cheese. "Boil water." What am I, a chemist?
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: You want your money, you unsupportive jerk? Fine! Here's your $5,000 back. Stan Smith: You made all this in one day? Francine Smith: That's right, I did. Through hard work and giving people incorrect change.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: Stan, I did some research on that kiosk at the mall. If you gave me $5,000 of your bonus, I could start a business selling my muffins. I think there's a real market for... Stan Smith: Ooh, ooh, uh, I... I'm sorry... sorry to interrupt, but, uh, real quick, this is the worst idea I've ever heard. Never gonna happen, but, please, keep going. Francine Smith: Oh, just forget it! Stan Smith: Great call, Francine.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Steve Smith: Dad, I'm meeting the fellas at the movies. Can I have a few bucks for popcorn? Stan Smith: [wearing a money suit] Do I look like I'm made of money?
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: Stan, it's great the CIA gave you that $20,000 bonus for "Most Evasive Testimony to Congress," but at this rate, it'll be gone in no time. Stan Smith: Hey, if I don't buy all this crap, the terrorists win! And don't tell me it's not a competition, because it SO is.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Stan Smith: Just because we're in Saudi Arabia doesn't mean it's not Wednesday! [Referring to Stan's obsession with the TV show "Lost"]
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Stan Smith: Ladies, ladies! You're both Mrs. Smith. Francine Smith: Stan, what the hell? Stan Smith: Surprise! I got us a second wife. You know, to help with cooking and cleaning. Her name's impossible to pronounce, so I just call her "Thundercat."
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Francine Smith: Oh, good, a Shwarma King. I'm starving. Pull over, Stan. Stan Smith: Are you insane? We're not stopping for their food. Next, you'll want to use their bathrooms, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna use their sandpapery toilet scrolls on my proud American button.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Stan Smith: Francine, good news. I'm in charge of planning Bullock's party, which means you're in charge of planning Bullock's party.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Hayley Smith: Bye, dad. We're going to see the new Michael Moore documentary. Stan Smith: Michael Moore... ? Oh, you mean Michael Bin Laden.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Francine Smith: [after finding out Stan's been lying about his father] I can't believe you lied to me all these years. Stan Smith: And the best part is I'm still lying about a bunch of other stuff!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Francine Smith: Oh, Stan, you're probably just having a midlife crisis. Do you wanna cheat on me? Stan Smith: A mistress on my salary, Francine? Come on!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Stan Smith: This awesome man is Jack Smith, my real father! Francine Smith: Say WHAAAAT?
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Avery Bullock: We've located an al-Qaeda cell camped out in the desert of Algeria. Stan Smith: Are they planning an attack? Avery Bullock: No, they're just on a camping trip. Stan Smith: Those s'mores-making bastards!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Jack: Now son, breaking in to a safe is like making love to a woman. Stan Smith: So, we should just pound on it for like two minutes?

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