Francine Smith

American Dad!

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Played by:

Wendy Schaal

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Francine Smith Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold Francine Smith: Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her! Stan Smith: My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant! Hayley Smith: It's just a nose ring. Stan Smith: It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about. Francine Smith: [to Hayley] Listen to your father. Sting's become a bit of a douche
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Big Trouble in Little Langley Francine Smith: Hayley, your cold sore is leaking into the mashed potatoes. Hayley: That's the last time I use a lipstick I found on the bus. Francine Smith: No one's buying that, honey.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Best Christmas Story Never The Ghost of Christmas Past: Um, we're kind of in a hurry here. Francine Smith: I'm not going back to that filthy decade without any Purrel!
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Of Ice and Men Francine Smith: You've been sneaking out for the last 20 winters to ice skate? How come you've never told me? Stan Smith: How can you tell someone you love you're a monster?
	Season 1 / Episode 23: - Tears of a Clooney Stanley Smith: Wait! I've gone along with you on this whole thing no questions asked, but now I've gotta know. What the hell Francine? What is this really about? I mean I hate Susan Serandon but you don't see me cutting off my hand. I just... cut my hair different for a while. Francine Smith: What is this about? Just look at that ** with cucumbers on his eyes. Not a care in the world. No making school lunches, no grocery shopping, no cleaning the house, no one depending on him all the time! Stanley Smith: Oh God! This isn't about some unfulfilled dream. You're having a midlife crisis and you're taking it out on a future senator from California! Francine Smith: [stunned] Midlife crisis... wait, future senator? [irate] Oh I will ***** chop his head in two! Stanley Smith: Francine, don't you see. Sure, Clooney has no cares, no-one that depends on him, but... he HAS no one that DEPENDS on him! But you; you have a family. A son, a daughter... Francine Smith: ...and a husband, who took a sabbatical from work, moved to Prague, and hired mercenaries to help his wife seduce another man! You probably would have let me sleep with him. Stanley Smith: Of course! I assumed you did! Francine Smith: I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Francine Smith: You know, I actually feel sorry for him. He'll never know this kind of happiness. Let's go home.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: This man's given me something you haven't for a long time. Stan Smith: We've talked about this. My neck gets tired. Francine Smith: I'm talking about respect, Stan. Stan Smith: Oh my God, you respected her?! You're dead, Klaus!
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: You know, you seem very familiar. Have we met before? Klaus: [nervously] Oh, you know, I'm just one of those black Germans that seems familiar to everyone, hmm?
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: You want your money, you unsupportive jerk? Fine! Here's your $5,000 back. Stan Smith: You made all this in one day? Francine Smith: That's right, I did. Through hard work and giving people incorrect change.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: Stan, I did some research on that kiosk at the mall. If you gave me $5,000 of your bonus, I could start a business selling my muffins. I think there's a real market for... Stan Smith: Ooh, ooh, uh, I... I'm sorry... sorry to interrupt, but, uh, real quick, this is the worst idea I've ever heard. Never gonna happen, but, please, keep going. Francine Smith: Oh, just forget it! Stan Smith: Great call, Francine.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Finances With Wolves Francine Smith: Stan, it's great the CIA gave you that $20,000 bonus for "Most Evasive Testimony to Congress," but at this rate, it'll be gone in no time. Stan Smith: Hey, if I don't buy all this crap, the terrorists win! And don't tell me it's not a competition, because it SO is.
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - Star Trek Francine Smith: Anything for me? Stanley Smith: Just a postcard that says your hair looks like crap. Hey, it's from me.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - Stannie Get Your Gun Francine Smith: God,Haily! I get it! I'm un-rapable, not stupid!
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - Stannie Get Your Gun Hayley Smith: I can't believe you're feeding those extremists from the National Gun Association. They're monsters! Francine Smith: Oh sweetheart don't be so dramatic. Besides, aren't you having fun cooking with mommy? Hayley Smith: I'm not "cooking with mommy!" Dad handcuffed me to the oven! Francine Smith: [stern] Well, if it weren't for handcuffs and your father you wouldn't even be here, young lady.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Stan Smith: Ladies, ladies! You're both Mrs. Smith. Francine Smith: Stan, what the hell? Stan Smith: Surprise! I got us a second wife. You know, to help with cooking and cleaning. Her name's impossible to pronounce, so I just call her "Thundercat."
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Stan of Arabia (1) Francine Smith: Oh, good, a Shwarma King. I'm starving. Pull over, Stan. Stan Smith: Are you insane? We're not stopping for their food. Next, you'll want to use their bathrooms, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna use their sandpapery toilet scrolls on my proud American button.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Francine Smith: [after finding out Stan's been lying about his father] I can't believe you lied to me all these years. Stan Smith: And the best part is I'm still lying about a bunch of other stuff!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Francine Smith: Oh, Stan, you're probably just having a midlife crisis. Do you wanna cheat on me? Stan Smith: A mistress on my salary, Francine? Come on!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Con Heir Stan Smith: This awesome man is Jack Smith, my real father! Francine Smith: Say WHAAAAT?
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Bullocks to Stan Francine Smith: Honestly, Stan, what does Hayley have to do with you getting a promotion. It should be enough that you're really good at your job. Stanley Smith: Yeah, it should. But we don't live in Shouldland. Ah, Shouldland! Where clean-cut kids cruise Shouldland Boulevard and the Shouldland High football team get their optimistic asses kicked by their crosstown rival, Reality Check Tech.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Deacon Stan, Jesus Man Stanley Smith: I want my one free kill to be Chuck White. Yours can still be George Clooney. Francine Smith: Clooney, you smug bastard. Stop playing basketball and get married like the rest of us.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Francine Smith: I was finally making friends, Stan. How could you ruin my party? Stan Smith: It was easy. I just yelled "Terrorist!" and everyone ran away. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were asking, how did I ruin your party? And I'm like, you were there, baby. You had a front row seat.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Linda: [holds up glass] To new friends. Francine Smith: You guys, I have a confession to make. This wasn't a theme party. I was just covering for Stan. Bob: Sweetheart, we know. We've encountered people like him before. Francine Smith: You have?! Bob: Oh, sure. But I gotta say, even though Stan's a suspicious, xenophobic vigilante, he's still a hundred times better than our last neighbors. Bob: They were black.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Francine Smith: Stan, let them out. This isn't funny. Stan Smith: Oh, oh, Linda's making a run for the gate! Stan Smith: Come on, Francine. You can't tell me that's not funny.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Stan Smith: So, what part of Islam do you hail from? Bob: Well, my parents were from Iran, but I was born in Cleveland. Stan Smith: Really? You know, we also have a Cleveland here in America. And it'd be just super if you didn't blow it up. Francine Smith: So, the block party starts at 3:00pm and goes 'till question mark. It's pot luck, so bring whatever you want. Stan Smith: But not smallpox. [laughs] Kidding. Kind of joking, but not really.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homeland Insecurity Francine Smith: Say hi to Betty for me! Tuttle: Oh, I would, but she died six months ago. The big C. Francine Smith: Cancer? Tuttle: No, the big letter C from the Coca-Cola sign. Fell right on top of her.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Roger Codger Francine Smith: We're so glad you could make it. Where's your wife this evening? Bullock: Handcuffed to a radiator in Fallujah. She wanted to come, but I do not negotiate with terrorists. Hey, do I smell meat loaf?
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Stan Knows Best Francine Smith: How's your French toast, honey? Stanley Smith: Smelly and ungrateful! But this "American toast" is fantastic!
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Stan Knows Best Francine Smith: How's everyone's French toast? Stanley Smith: Smelly and ungrateful! But this American toast is delicious.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Stan Knows Best Stanley Smith: Shake it, baby! You will not break it! Francine Smith: It took me nine months to make it!
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Stan Knows Best Steve Smith: Quivecs? That's not a word. Roger the Alien: It is on my planet! Francine Smith: Is it a proper noun? Roger the Alien: Damn!

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