Ally McBeal Quotes

Ally McBeal

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Bygones Ally McBeal: Looking backwards, many of the saddest times in my life turn out to be the happiest. So I must be happy now. Yeah. This is gonna be good. Why else would I be crying?
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Bygones Johnson Buck: And do you, Liza, take Richard to be your wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, always? Liza Bump: Duh! That's why I'm here. Hello?
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - All of Me Liza Bump: [to John Cage] Earth to Square Pants!
	Season 5 / Episode 19: - Another One Bites The Dust Claire Otoms: [of Liza Bump] Little sweaty Betty.
	Season 5 / Episode 19: - Another One Bites The Dust Barry Dekumbis: I want you to know, because I don't hand out complements freely... you are the scummiest, most disgusting attorneys I have ever encountered. Wilson Jade: Thank you. Barry Dekumbis: They set the bar so low. And you just slithered under it. Wilson Jade: We try.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Tom Dooley Liza Bump: [squeezing John Cage's face] Isn't HE like a cute little stuffy? And such a good little lawyer. Yes, you are. John Cage: All right. Liza Bump: Yes, you are!
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Tom Dooley John Cage: The law is the law, Liza. And she broke it. Liza Bump: John, in some states, oral sex is against the law. You don't see people getting thrown in jail for that. John Cage: Bigamy is a little more serious. Liza Bump: [coyly] You don't take oral sex seriously? John Cage: [flustered] We're both on the same side here. Would you please STOP trying to RATTLE me? Liza Bump: Oh, yeah. Force of habit.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Tom Dooley Judge Seymour Walsh: Mr. Cage. Ms. Bump. I'll ask you to proceed without the nonsense. John Cage: [reading notes] OK, uh... Mmm, no, I'm sorry. All I had left was nonsense. John Cage: [sits back down]
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Tom Dooley A.D.A. Tisbury: How many more men do you plan to marry, Mrs. - is it Carrens or Lewiston? Nicole Naples: It's Naples. It... sounds like you disapprove. A.D.A. Tisbury: Well, bigamy is not my choice for a lifestyle. Nicole Naples: So you agree it's a choice? A.D.A. Tisbury: No, I don't. Nicole Naples: So it's not a choice? A.D.A. Tisbury: I'm asking the questions here. Nicole Naples: So you agree it's a question? A.D.A. Tisbury: No. It's not even a question. Nicole Naples: Then what do you have to ask me? A.D.A. Tisbury: Your Honor... Judge Seymour Walsh: Ms. Naples?
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Tom Dooley Judge Seymour Walsh: Mr. Cage, one more outburst, I will tape your mouth SHUT. Do not think I'm kidding. Now sit.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Love Is All Around (2) Ally McBeal: You've seen me dance. Now watch me fornicate.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Love Is All Around (2) John Cage: [to Liza Bump] Look, you little VIXEN.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Love Is All Around (2) Liza Bump: I am through fooling around with you people. The longer this trial goes, the worse it gets for you. If you let it keep going, YOUR client will end up having to pay us. Liza Bump: [to John Cage] I'm sure you used to be good. Today? You try cases like a mariachi singer. Liza Bump: [to Nelle Porter] And you? Love your hair.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Love Is All Around (2) John Cage: [of Liza Bump] Oh, I am going to GET her.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Love Is All Around (1) Liza Bump: Sorry I'm late. Pedestrians. I brake for them. New Year's Rezzy.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Love Is All Around (1) Liza Bump: [to Nelle Porter] Do you talk, or I have to pull a string?
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Love Is All Around (1) Liza Bump: [facetiously] Please don't make me try this case. I'm not prepared!
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Love Is All Around (1) John Cage: [regarding Liza Bump] All right. Your Honor, let the record reflect she just grazed my johnson.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Love Is All Around (1) Nell Porter: John? We have to get that little bitch. John Cage: Have no fear, Nelle. She is a bagel. Nell Porter: A bagel? John Cage: I meant to say toast. No fear.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Love Is All Around (1) Richard Fish: Look, Liza. We're lawyers. It's our job to make people hate each other. You can't hold us liable...
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - One Hundred Tears Elaine Vassal: Sorry I'm late. Harriet Pumple: Oh, Elaine, you can go first - since some of us seem to be resistant. Now, specifically what do you look for in a man? John Cage: A pulse and a penis. Not necessarily in that order.
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - Blowin' in the Wind Richard Fish: You know, Ally, no matter how low I set the bar of common sense, you amaze me in your ability to slither under it.
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - Blowin' in the Wind Richard Fish: Women shouldn't enjoy sex. Period. If God wanted that, he'd have given them penises.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lost and Found John Cage: I can't believe it! You're lip-synching your response! Richard Fish: I had a lot to say. I wanted to make sure I... John Cage: And you can't give it to me LIVE? Richard Fish: Nobody does their best work LIVE.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lost and Found Elaine Vassal: Oh, Ally, I just want you to know that I am here for you. Ally McBeal: Yes, and what am I gonna do about that?
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - Fear of Flirting Jenny Shaw: You're a woman, for god's sake. Be a man!
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - Neutral Corners John "The Biscuit" Cage: Well, that's the trouble, I suppose, in coming at people with honesty. They sometimes counter with it.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Home Again Ally McBeal: [Larry is out with another woman] Hey, Larry. Larry Paul: Ally, hi. This is Helena. Helena, Ally. Helena Fisher: Hello. Ally McBeal: [still glaring at Larry] Hi. I thought we were watching our cholesterol this month. Larry Paul: Helena's my ex-wife. Hey, John. John Cage: Hey-y. Ally McBeal: Your ex-wife? Oh. Well, what are you talking about over ice cream? Larry Paul: [wiping whipped cream off his face] Oh, uh, well, um... Nothin'. Helena Fisher: Nothing. Ally McBeal: Nothing over ice cream. Great! Maybe you can, um, talk under it. Ally McBeal: [dumps Larry's ice cream on his head] Hmmm. Are you done? Helena Fisher: [nods] Mmm-hmm. Ally McBeal: Good. Ally McBeal: [dumps Helena's ice cream on Larry's head] Oh, this will just warm you up. Ally McBeal: [pours hot fudge on Larry's head] Mmm. Oh, oh. One minute. Helena Fisher: Take your time. Ally McBeal: [sprays Larry with whipped cream] There we go. OK. Come on, John. John Cage: Bye now. Helena Fisher: She seems nice. Larry Paul: She's a sweetheart.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Home Again John Cage: [answering his mobile phone] Hello? What do you mean you're going into court? Richard Fish: I got it all at Radio Shack, John. And I've got a miniature earpiece and the mike fits on my lapel. It should be easy. John Cage: Well, don't - don't be ridiculous, Richard. I can't argue your case for you over the phone. Richard Fish: No, you don't. You feed me the arguments. Just like that show. Uh, what was it? Cyrano de Burger King? Whatever.
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - Queen Bee Jackson Duper: Alright, let's hold on here. There are a lot of emotions on the surface. Ms. Parks: Oh, shut up, Pretty Boy. Nobody likes a Pretty Boy.

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