Officer (Captain) Crabtree (Arthur Bostrom) (series 2 to 9) - A British spy posing as a French police officer. Unfortunately, he has a terrible grasp of French, which means that sometimes he is quite incomprehensible, most famously noticeable in his usual greeting: "Good moaning!". Despite his almost incomprehensible speech, the Germans never seem to suspect him. To quote a notable example: "I was pissing by the door when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hind a smoking goon. You are clearly the guilty potty!" Another, during an air raid, is: "They have had a direct hot on the pimps!" "The pimps?" "The pimps! The pimps in the pimping station! No water is being pimped through the poops!" Another example: "The troon carrying the sissage has been bummed by the RAF. There are little pissers all over the track." To repair the airmen's air balloon: "You must get your hands on girl's knockers. At least farty, maybe fifty." And: "I am mauving in a ginger fashion becerrs my poloceman's pints are full of dinamote!" He then unbuttoned his flies and slowly pulled out several large knockwurst in front of the watching café. After the introduction of Crabtree into the show, Yvette frequently announced him as "That idiot British Officer who thinks he can speak French". He says: "I admit my Fronch cod be butter." Another example came when Officer Crabtree mistook Captain Alberto Bertorelli for a German officer, addressing him with a raised hand and: "Hole Hotler!" (as taken from script) instead of "Heil Hitler!" When Captain Bertorelli pointed out he was actually an Italian, Officer Crabtree responded with: "Hael Missuloni!" instead of "Hail Mussolini!". The character was largely inspired by British Prime Minister Edward Heath's dreadful French accent.
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