Aliens in America Quotes

Aliens in America

- Episode Quotes

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Aliens in America Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Church Franny: Today this family is going to church. Gary: What? Claire: Seriously? Justin: I don't wanna go! Franny: Today this family is going to church, now get in the damn car!
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Church Franny: If you join the chastity club, I'll let you go on the Pill for Christmas. Claire: Deal.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - My Musky, Myself Gary: Look, son, it's OK to suck. But it's not OK to quit. And if that means making a fool of yourself in front of thousands and thousands of people, so be it. Justin: There's only, like, 80 people out there. Gary: Yeah, but it's gonna feel like thousands when they're throwing garbage at you...
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Purple Heart Franny: Yeah, well whole idea is that when you come to America, you check your traditions at the border. Gary: Otherwise you've just got cannibals running around in the streets and we've got enough traffic problems as it is.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homecoming Mr. Matthews: What in the hell is going on here, huh? Teen Sex? Are you kids on crack? You are not putting a sex float in my Homecoming parade! Emily: But Mr. Matthews, you don't understand... Mr. Matthews: Don't you 'Mr. Matthews' me, young lady! This is a school-sanctioned event. You are not gonna have two kids bumpin' uglies on a float! Nicole: Nobody said that there... Mr. Matthews: No, no, there will be no girl-on-guy action. There will be no two-girls-and-a-guy action. There will be no two-guys-and-a-girl action. There will be no action AT ALL! Justin: No, no, no, no, we weren't trying to do that. We were just trying to make a... Mr. Matthews: You are gonna to have the same pointless float that you have every year. I don't care whether it rips, it rules, or it rocks. It DOESN'T go humpidy humpidy!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homecoming Gary: She looks like a whore! There is NO WAY that my Claire is going to the Homecoming dance in that dress! Franny: I think you're overreacting. Gary: Overreacting? It's practically showing her... I mean it's barely covering her... Franny: Breasts? Gary: Don't you talk that way about my little girl!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homecoming Todd Palladino: Caucasian? What the hell's a Caucasian? Mike Palladini: I don't know. They should go back to where they came from!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homecoming Justin: [voiceover] Intentional or not, Raja had stolen everything that mattered most to me, and I was determined to take it back. I knew I couldn't beat him with a better idea, so I came up with a cheaper one... Justin: TEEN SEX! Nicole: What? Justin: See, got your attention didn't it? It's a grabber.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Help Wanted Justin: My mom? Well... she mommed. Franny: I made you an Omelette. Justin: I... I said I just wanted toast... Franny: You're 16! You don't know what you want!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Help Wanted Franny: Gary, they're teenagers. School is their job. Raja gets straight A's, but Claire really needs to get that history grade up, and Justin - he needs work on his physics... Justin: Yeah. Franny: ...social skills... Justin: What?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Metamorphosis Raja: A 'Roman Helmet?' I am so glad to see that you are respecting Anita, Justin. Justin: It's not as bad as it sounds. Raja: Oh, so draping your genitals across somebody's forehead is not degrading? Dooley: Not when two people love each other!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Metamorphosis Justin: It's Anita. Claire: Dude, don't be embarrassed. You're not the one who kissed you. Justin: Do you think it meant anything to her at all? Claire: Oh yeah - she'll never forget you. Justin: Really? Claire: You're the biggest mistake she ever made - that lasts forever.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Metamorphosis Franny: I just found a "cool tracker" in Madison who told me that all the cool kids are wearing this right now in Orange County. Justin: No, see mom, cool hip kids can wear that, but if I wear a shirt that says "computers rock" people will just think that I think computers rock. Justin: [Voice-over] I knew this could only end badly but Project Justin gave my mom such a sense of purpose. Justin: Fine, I'll wear it. Franny: Yes! Raja: Oh, they do rock. Justin: [voiceover] For some reason, Raja's endorsement didn't boost my confidence...
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Metamorphosis Justin: [voiceover] Seeing Anita there, looking so beautiful, nurturing our baby caterpillar, I realized without a doubt this was my moment. [Kisses her] Anita Richardson: Did you just kiss me? Justin: Yes. Anita Richardson: Why? Justin: Because we both like caterpillars. Anita Richardson: Oh my GOD! Justin: Look I'm sorry, I just, I thought that with all the time we've been spending together and the arm touch... Anita Richardson: You actually thought YOU had a shot with ME? Justin: Now I just feel like you're being a little mean. Anita Richardson: Studying is one thing, but we just frenched! Justin: I'm sorry! This all made sense 12 seconds ago! Anita Richardson: Ewww, a WORM! Justin: It's a larva, you know that! Anita Richardson: [stomps on the caterpillar] I've gotta go! Justin: [voiceover] Sleeping Beauty had just woken up and took a royal dump on my heart.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Rocket Club Raja: Justin if you have not brushed your teeth yet, perhaps we can brush them together. Either way, I think you'll know we brush just the same.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Rocket Club Raja: So what do you usually do when you are feeling down? Justin: I don't know, uh - eat a brownie. Raja: Justin. [points to brownie pan] The pan is empty. Justin: [seeing that it is indeed] Uh, yeah.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Rocket Club Justin: [voiceover] The only real freedom I ever got was once a week at Rocket Club, which didn't even exist. You see, Craig, Dooley, and me just made it up as a cover one time 'cause we wanted to see Charlize Theron naked in the movie "North Country" Dooley: Who told you there was nudity in this? Craig: Look at her, she's filthy. I mean, eventually she has to shower. Justin: [voiceover] Turns out, 'strip mining' was not what we thought it was...
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Rocket Club Justin: [voiceover] Raja, meanwhile, had decided that if he actually built a model rocket, he wouldn't be lying. Salesman: Can I help you, son? Raja: Yes please. I need some flame-resistant wadding, reinforced cylindars, a really long fuse, detonation caps, and a radio-controlled timing device or simple alarm clock. Salesman: Can you, uh, wait right here? [Runs away in a panic] Raja: Certainly, sir.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Rocket Club Raja: Sir, you should know that you are not going to find any evidence of terrorism. But you are going to find some very bad things on there. And that is because I used my computer to visit naughty websites of naked women. Franny: You look at pornography? Raja: Oh yes! It is very exciting to me to see women being made to flaunt themselves. And sometimes, I imagine that it is I who am taking the pictures. That is, of course, after I've tricked them into believing that I am M Night Shyamalan.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - No Man Is An Island Jeffrey: I just wish there was something I could do to change her mind. Gary: Well you can't play it cool, that ship has sailed. Jeffrey: Did anything like this ever happen between you and Mrs. T? Gary: Well, come to think of it, we did break up briefly right before we got married. Jeffrey: Really? How'd you convince her to come back? Franny: [flashback] I'm pregnant? Gary: Aw crap, aw crap, aw crap! Franny: My life is over! [end of flashback] Gary: I... can't remember.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Franny: Oh, Justin, if I was a girl your age... Gary, you know what? I should drive him down to Milwaukee. Have him visit one of those modeling agencies. Gary: Hey, not a bad idea Franny. They take all kinds. Stan Parker's kid did a print ad for Home Depot. That's one year of college.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Raja: Are you the Tolchucks? I am Raja, your exchange student! Franny: Um, Gar? Gary: Yeah, yeah, um, I'm sorry son, there might be some confusion. The boy we ordered was supposed to come in from London. Raja: That is me. I started in Pakistan and then I flew in from London. Gary: Oh.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Raja: What prayers do you recite when you are upset? Justin: I don't usually uh... I don't really pray that much. Usually I just, you know, like, eat a, eat a brownie or, uh, buy a CD. Raja: Justin, the pan is empty.

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