Alice Quotes

Alice

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 7 / Episode 9: - Alice Sees the Light Mel Sharples: [as Vera discusses UFO lore] Where did you read that... in the "Dinghy Digest"?
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Carrie Sings the Blues Vera Louise Gorman: Shame, shame, double shame... everybody knows your name!
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Cabin Fever Vera Louise Gorman: This reminds me of when I was a little girl and I'd take bubble baths with my cousin Melanie. We used to make beards out of the soap suds. Alice Hyatt: That's sweet, Vera. Vera Louise Gorman: Actually, it was weird. Melanie was 38.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Who Ordered the Hot Turkey? Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: When donkeys fly!
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Who Ordered the Hot Turkey? Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: On behalf of Alice, Vera and me, and in keeping with the spirit of Thanksgiving. Kiss my grits!
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Who Ordered the Hot Turkey? Alice Hyatt: Your parakeet? Vera Louise Gorman: Yes, if you don't mind. I don't want him to be home alone. Thanksgivng can be very emotionally rough on birds.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Who Ordered the Hot Turkey? Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Do you think that they'll feel at home in the storeroom? Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Sure. Mel's putting them right next to the cranberry sauce.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Mel's in a Family Way Alice Hyatt: [referring to Mel] He's got a case of I'm-50-years-old-and-I've-missed-the-bus blues. Vera Louise Gorman: Oh...I know exactly how he feels. Alice Hyatt: Vera, you're not old. Vera Louise Gorman: No, but I've missed buses.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - What Happened to the Class of '78? Mel Sharples: I like myself the way I am. Who needs self-improvement? Alice Hyatt: Anyone who likes you the way you are.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Block Those Kicks Florence Jean Castleberry: Well, alright, I'll go along, Mel. I'm willing to give up the thing that means most to me. Mel Sharples: That's bad news for half of the guys in Phoenix. Florence Jean Castleberry: I was talkin' about coffee!
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Block Those Kicks Alice Hyatt: Henry, this is no time to go off your diet. Henry: Oh yes, there is. My wife, Chloe, said she won't make love to me until I lose ten pounds. So, gimme lots of whipped cream.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Citizen Mel Mel Sharples: [in a high-pitched voice] Who is it? Vera Louise Gorman: It's me, Vera. Mel Sharples: How can I be sure? Vera Louise Gorman: I don't know, but if it isn't me, there's nobody here.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Take Him, He's Yours Mel Sharples: People drink because it makes 'em feel good. Tommy Hyatt: Is that how you feel now? Mel Sharples: I just had a little bit too much... good.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Take Him, He's Yours Tommy Hyatt: And what am I gonna do about school? Mel Sharples: Well, you miss a couple o' days. I missed plenty o' days and look at me. Tommy Hyatt: Yeah!
	Season 1 / Episode 23: - The Bundle Tommy Hyatt: [realizing that something strange is going on] Hey, what's going on? Why's everyone so nervous? Why's the door closed? Florence Jean Castleberry: Uh, we were just havin' a discussion. Tommy Hyatt: Oh? What about? Alice Hyatt: You don't wanna know. Tommy Hyatt: Talkin' about sex, huh? Alice Hyatt: No, we're not talkin' about sex. Tommy Hyatt: Then, you're right. I don't wanna hear it.
	Season 1 / Episode 23: - The Bundle Vera Louise Gorman: Tommy, what would you do if you found a lot of money? Tommy Hyatt: I'd run away with Marie Osmond.
	Season 1 / Episode 23: - The Bundle Alice Hyatt: Is Mel in a good mood? Vera Louise Gorman: I don't know; I've never seen him in one.
	Season 1 / Episode 19: - The Pain of No Return Florence Jean Castleberry: People sure make a livin' outta dyin', don't they?
	Season 1 / Episode 19: - The Pain of No Return Shirley Bartlett: [entering the diner and accusing Alice of seeing her husband] Stay away from my husband! Florence Jean Castleberry: I promise! How'd you find out and who the hell are we talkin' about?!
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Good Night Sweet Vera Vera Louise Gorman: Flo? Florence Jean Castleberry: Yeah? Vera Louise Gorman: How do you discourage a man from making physical advances to you? Florence Jean Castleberry: I don't. Vera Louise Gorman: How do I stop him from chasing me just for my body? Alice Hyatt: Let him catch ya.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Sex Education Tommy Hyatt: Hey, I haven't got nothing against females. I'm a great believer in sexual quality.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Sex Education Mel Sharples: 500 million... 500 million. You girls have one little egg. One little egg! We have you beat 500 million to one!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Sex Education Mel Sharples: He knows all that technical stuff like ovary and urethra Vera Louise Gorman: I know her. She's a singer! Mel Sharples: Who? Vera Louise Gorman: Urethra. I have all her albums.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Sex Education Alice Hyatt: Okay it better be a G movie cause I've had a x-rated day.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Sex Education Tommy Hyatt: Mom, everybody who is nauseous isn't pregnant, or Mel's meat loaf would be elected father of the year. She's always sick during mid-terms.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Sex Education Alice Hyatt: In the bedroom! That's not where you study history. That's where you make it.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Sex Education Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Well hello there handsome. Coffee tea or me?
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - A Piece of the Rock Mel Sharples: You mean he never had a policy? Alice Hyatt: No, Don didn't believe in insurance. Mel Sharples: How come? Alice Hyatt: It didn't come in a six-pack.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Alice Hyatt: So far this week I've been offered candy bars and nylons. What is this, World War 2?
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Alice Hyatt: Yes, why I won't go out to dinner with you. A. I am a widow I have a good 10 years on you I'm old enough to be your grand... baby sitter. B. I am a baby sitter for my own 12 year old son. C. My last date turned out to have a wife who looked to be about 19 months pregnant. D. I am a singer and I'm saving my nighttime energy to get another singing job. E...

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