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 | Season 4 / Episode 13: - It's My Party ALF: We would have had more food left over if more of your friends kept Kosher! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds ALF: Either he's Elvis, or Priscilla had a heck of a lawn sale. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Aaron King: What do you aliens do all day? Look for dead celebrities? ALF: I'm so tired of that stereotype. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds ALF: ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! Willie Tanner: That was not Elvis Presley. ALF: Are you kidding?, he was on that sandwich like red beans on rice. Lynn Tanner: He didn't seem like Elvis to me either. ALF: Elvis was a brilliant actor. He could play anything from a singing race car driver to a singing deep sea diver. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Raquel Ochmonek: Mark my words, that man who lived next door to us was Buddy Holly. ALF: [pops open the shutters in the kitchen after Raquel leaves] Boy is she gullible! Everybody knows Buddy Holly runs a bait and tackle shop in Phoenix. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Willie Tanner: You've convinced me ALF, that we're living two doors down the street from Elvis Presley and Raquel is Janis Joplin and Trevor is Buddy Holly. ALF: That'll be the day! |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Aaron King: Can I pet you? ALF: Only above the waist. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds ALF: Why don't you ring up Ann-Margaret and get her over here. Aaron King: Sure... I'll just head on over to Graceland and pick up my Rolodex. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 20: - You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog ALF: Ignorance is no excuse. Kate Tanner: Ignorance is your excuse all the time! ALF: I don't know what you are talking about. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 18: - Someone to Watch Over Me, Part 2 ALF: [to Willie] Did you see Dog Day Afternoon? |
 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - Night Train ALF: Why must you needlessly complicate everything? |
| Season 2 / Episode 9: - Night Train Kate Tanner: [after ALF claims that according to a magazine article, he is a thrill-seeker] This from the same person who watched the movie Aliens from under the couch? ALF: Hey, I thought I owed one of those guys money. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 5: - Prime Time Willie Tanner: Let me just try to understand, ALF. [sic] The operative word in People Log is "people"... one of which you are... not... one. ALF: That's cruel. Not to mention poorly constructed from a grammatical standpoint. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 21: - Lookin' Through the Windows ALF: Oh heck, why must I be so darn curious? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 13: - Mother and Child Reunion ALF: [to Dorothy] Yadayadayadayadayadayada! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 2: - Strangers in the Night 'ALF': What does missile man become when he does this [ He bends the leg] Brian Tanner: He becomes broken. |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - Strangers in the Night Kate Tanner: Has anyone seen my yellow ribbon? 'ALF': I don't know, what color is it? Ha! I kill me. Brian Tanner: Ha! You kill me. |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - Strangers in the Night Willie Tanner: ALF why are you answering the phone? 'ALF': I live here. Willie Tanner: I called to speak to Mrs Ochmonek 'ALF': Hold on, I'll get her. Willie Tanner: I'll call back. 'ALF': Your dime. Willie Tanner: Why do you keep answering the phone? 'ALF': You keep calling Willie Tanner: Where's Mrs Ochmonek? 'ALF': I don't know, the last time I saw her, she was stealing my pizza oh and don't worry about the cat. Willie Tanner: Why? What happened to lucky? Willie Tanner: I might've stepped on him when I opened the fridge door. Willie Tanner: You were in the kitchen? 'ALF': I had to break in through the back door after I fell out the window. Willie Tanner: Where are you, what are you doing? 'ALF': I'm in the bedroom wearing a blue dress. Willie Tanner: Don't go anywhere 'ALF': Where would I go? I'm not wearing the right shoes Willie Tanner: [ Hangs up] I should've locked him in the garage! [ To a fellow social worker] Kids |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - Strangers in the Night Kate Tanner: [ About Brian] He can't stay home alone 'ALF': I'll stay. Lynn Tanner: I'll stay. Kate Tanner: No you're in the wedding party. 'ALF': I'm not. Kate Tanner: What are we going to do? 'ALF': Hello! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - A.L.F. Kate: I said no soda pop. Brian: It's not soda pop, it's beer. Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: [burps] You're about out of Coors! |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - A.L.F. Willie Tanner: [voice-over] This is the way it began, that extraordinary night. The night... *he* came. |
 | Unknown Episode: ALF: [about Lucky] Last time I saw him he was high-tailing it out the window. Willie: And why was that? ALF: Cause I was chasing him with a fork. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: I know my rights, I watch People's Court. |
| Unknown Episode: Brian: ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he? ALF: I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney. |
| Unknown Episode: Willie: Stay away from the window, we've got a very nosy neighbor - Mrs. Ochmonek. ALF: Ochmonek? Sounds like a typo. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken? Willie: If you were in the woods. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: Haaa! I kill me. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: On Melmac, we have 1st class, 2nd class and ham. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: A minute and a half, Luckmiester, then I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: I wasn't known on Melmac as the whiz kid for my scholastic ability. |
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