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ALF Quotes
 | Season 4 / Episode 13: - It's My Party ALF: We would have had more food left over if more of your friends kept Kosher! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds ALF: Either he's Elvis, or Priscilla had a heck of a lawn sale. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Aaron King: What do you aliens do all day? Look for dead celebrities? ALF: I'm so tired of that stereotype. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds ALF: ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! Willie Tanner: That was not Elvis Presley. ALF: Are you kidding?, he was on that sandwich like red beans on rice. Lynn Tanner: He didn't seem like Elvis to me either. ALF: Elvis was a brilliant actor. He could play anything from a singing race car driver to a singing deep sea diver. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Raquel Ochmonek: Mark my words, that man who lived next door to us was Buddy Holly. ALF: [pops open the shutters in the kitchen after Raquel leaves] Boy is she gullible! Everybody knows Buddy Holly runs a bait and tackle shop in Phoenix. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Willie Tanner: You've convinced me ALF, that we're living two doors down the street from Elvis Presley and Raquel is Janis Joplin and Trevor is Buddy Holly. ALF: That'll be the day! |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds Aaron King: Can I pet you? ALF: Only above the waist. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Suspicious Minds ALF: Why don't you ring up Ann-Margaret and get her over here. Aaron King: Sure... I'll just head on over to Graceland and pick up my Rolodex. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 20: - You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog ALF: Ignorance is no excuse. Kate Tanner: Ignorance is your excuse all the time! ALF: I don't know what you are talking about. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 18: - Someone to Watch Over Me, Part 2 ALF: [to Willie] Did you see Dog Day Afternoon? |
 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - Night Train ALF: Why must you needlessly complicate everything? |
| Season 2 / Episode 9: - Night Train Kate Tanner: [after ALF claims that according to a magazine article, he is a thrill-seeker] This from the same person who watched the movie Aliens from under the couch? ALF: Hey, I thought I owed one of those guys money. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 5: - Prime Time Willie Tanner: Let me just try to understand, ALF. [sic] The operative word in People Log is "people"... one of which you are... not... one. ALF: That's cruel. Not to mention poorly constructed from a grammatical standpoint. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 21: - Lookin' Through the Windows ALF: Oh heck, why must I be so darn curious? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 13: - Mother and Child Reunion ALF: [to Dorothy] Yadayadayadayadayadayada! |
 | Unknown Episode: ALF: [about Lucky] Last time I saw him he was high-tailing it out the window. Willie: And why was that? ALF: Cause I was chasing him with a fork. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: I know my rights, I watch People's Court. |
| Unknown Episode: Brian: ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he? ALF: I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney. |
| Unknown Episode: Willie: Stay away from the window, we've got a very nosy neighbor - Mrs. Ochmonek. ALF: Ochmonek? Sounds like a typo. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken? Willie: If you were in the woods. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: Haaa! I kill me. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: On Melmac, we have 1st class, 2nd class and ham. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: A minute and a half, Luckmiester, then I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: I wasn't known on Melmac as the whiz kid for my scholastic ability. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: Putting humans in charge of the earth, is the cosmic equivalence of letting Eddie Murphy direct. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: How about a hug for the ol' ALFer. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: [slowly enters kitchen] The Great Orange hunter stalks his prey. |
| Unknown Episode: Brian: Do you get Sesame Street where you live? ALF: No, and frankly I don't get it here either. |
| Unknown Episode: Willie: Go back to the tent. ALF: It's too dangerous out there. I had to kill a fifty-foot snake with my pocketknife. Willie: There are no fifty-foot water snakes in the backyard. ALF: I'm telling ya, it was bright green and it spit water. Ths Ths ALF: . Willie: That was my new garden hose. ALF: Oh, no wonder it was sucking on the spigot. |
| Unknown Episode: ALF: I'm reminded of a prayer he used to recite every night before going to bed, "And if I die before I wake, chicken-fry me like a steak." |
| Next: Brian Tanner |
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