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- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: I started out the way I always start a film: having sex with a whore.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: And I just wanna tell you that if it does turn out like Slow Torture, I'm cutting you loose. You'll spend the rest of your life in Vancouver making Meatballs sequels with John Landis. I hope you like Jim Belushi and David Spade, cause you're gonna be seeing a lot of them. Peter Dragon: Wow, somebody woke up on the wrong side of JM J. Bullock this morning. Robert 'Bobby G.' Gianopolis: I like JM J. Bullock.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Blood & Piss Guy: He's gonna get the best blood money can buy: Amish. Peter Dragon: How do you get Amish blood? Blood & Piss Guy: Traps.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: I lost track of time. You know how I get when I'm shopping for urine.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: It's really weird: usually I have a girlfriend and I make pretend she's a whore, but with you it's completely the opposite: I have a whore and I make pretend she's you're my girlfriend. Wendy Ward: Wow, look what's passing for a compliment these days.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: Hi Mr. Van Dorn, you ready to knock Keanu off the top of the hill? Holden Van Dorn: Yes. Yes I am, ready as a hoot-owl. Peter Dragon: Are you sober? Any magic powder floating around in there? Holden Van Dorn: No, no, I am sober as an ox. Peter Dragon: Sober as an ox? [smiles] You went to school in the studios, didn't you? Holden Van Dorn: Yeah, since, eh sixth grade. Peter Dragon: Yeah, I can tell, you're smart as a duck.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: [Stuart is hiding from Peter in a bathroom stall] Stuart, get out of the stall, Stuart, I know you're in there! Stuart Glazer: No... You'll hurt me. Peter Dragon: Yes, I will hurt you. But you know what, If I hurt you, then at least one of us will feel better. Stuart Glazer: She still has a very pretty face. Peter Dragon: Oh she has a face? I didn't notice 'cause unfortunately it's on top of the body of Brian Dennehy!
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Dr. Wong: Okay, Dr. Wong gonna cut to chase: this girl very fat. Maybe 45, 50 more than you want her to be, right? [Lauren whimpers] Legally I cannot suck that much fat out of her unless she's obese like Roseanne or that fattie from Practice. Reagan Lauren Busch: Camryn Manheim? Dr. Wong: Yes, she's fat!
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Dr. Wong: [picks up phone] Yeah? Peter Dragon: [on tiny cellphone] She'll be there in an hour. Dr. Wong: You want 35, 45 off? Peter Dragon: 50 pounds. And nothing from the breasts. Dr. Wong: It hurt like hell. Peter Dragon: I don't care. [both hang up]
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks David Leisure: Off the record, Peter, what would you do if this one tanks too, like Slow Torture did? Peter Dragon: I'd kill myself. Or do TV, I don't know which one's worse. David Leisure: What would you do on TV? Peter Dragon: I would do a show about eh, hell, I'd do a TV show about me. That'd be interesting, huh? A TV show about a Hollywood producer, morally corrupt, nobody likes him. I, I, I'd have cursing, sexual content, I'd have guest stars running in and out, I'd be a big hit. All you'd have to do is find the right time slot.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: Guy, there's nothing more pathetic than two white men trying to high-five. Put your hand down, there's people watching.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: [about Guy] He's so gay that I'll bet money he's straight.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: Take me to the office, Lonnie. Uncle Lonnie: Petie, you've been up all night, you haven't slept. Why don't you go home? Peter Dragon: That is home.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Wendy Ward: [reading a list of potential directors] Two left, this one's weird: Cher. Peter Dragon: That is weird. You know what's weird about that? That she's not the last name on the list.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: Teen comedies? I hate Teen comedies! You get those, you get those same eight idiots running around with that moron David Arquette, getting slashed or wearing bodices or screwing pastry. If I wanna see somebody have sex with a cupcake I'll buy a box of Twinkies and I'll drive down to Tijuana and I'll do it myself.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Guy: Peter Dragon, Peter Dragon, Peter Dragon [moves some flowers to grab Peter's hand] I am such a fan I feel like I've known you my whole life. I grew up on your movies. You made me want to become a filmmaker. Let's this... Peter Dragon: Wow, that's fantastic. [raises voice] Guy, let go of my hand, Guy! First of all, you're older than me, so save me the AFI achievement speech, okay? And second of all, you burried me in bullshit before we could even say hello. Guy: Hey, look at us, already cussing up a storm and having locker room fun!
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: I wanna see people running around like Michael Jackson at a Toy's R Us, let's go.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: Is this another sexual harassment thing? When are women going to realize that 'no' is just another letter short of 'now'?
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Bill Rothstein: There is one little old thing over at Dragonfire films that we've eh, had our eye on for some a while now. [glances at his brother, snorts] We want, eh, one of your executives to come work for us. Peter Dragon: Eh, eh, I don't know. I don't think so. Stuart Glazer is eh, well he's my president of production, he's honest, trustworthy, loyal, works hard, he's, quite frankly, he's the backbone of the company. I can give him to tomorrow at 8. A.M., how is that? Bill Rothstein: He's great, Stuarts great. We don't want Stuart. We want your other executive. We want Wendy Ward.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Wendy Ward: This is a job for The Elephant Princess.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: [after a wild night with the Rothstein brothers] Where's your coat? Wendy Ward: [laughs awkwardly] One of them ate it.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: I don't know how to thank you for this, Wendy. Wendy Ward: Here's how to thank me Peter: I want you to turn around, I want you to get into your limo and I want you to drive away. I want you to go back to your life and I want you to forget that you ever met me. Peter Dragon: What are you talking about? Wendy Ward: I'm through with this, Peter, I called a cab, and I'm gonna go home and pack and I'm gonna move some place, some place clean. But if the movie's a hit, I want you to call me, because I want all my money back.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Peter Dragon: A hundred thousand dollars and I get to see her nipple? Bernie Beckerman: Peter, for a hundred thousand dollars you can cram the camera up her ass for all I care.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Peter Dragon: My foot - get up, Stuart - is gonna be so far up your ass, that a piece of my ass might actually be in your ass!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Stuart Glazer: They wanna make me Head of Comedy. Peter Dragon: Head of Comedy? What do you know about comedy? Stuart Glazer: Nothing. But I'm gay.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Jenny: [to Reagan] Your crotch has had more visitors than Graceland.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Peter Dragon: Rafkin. You just killed a man. Adam Rafkin: I'm sorry. Peter Dragon: No. No. That's fantastic! You did it. You're a producer now. You did it!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Peter Dragon: Stuart, put your pants on and get the hell out of here. [to Bernie and Reagan] Hey, how many times do you think he heard that sentence, huh?
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Peter Dragon: Okay, Stuart, look, there is an enormous difference between movies and television. You know what that difference is? Stuart Glazer: No... Peter Dragon: Okay, let's take a look at my rolodex, okay? I'll be the movie, you be the TV rolodex. In my movie rolodex I have, eh, Sean Connery. Your TV rolodex? Shawn Wayans. Eh? Marlon Brando, Marlon Wayans. Alec Baldwin, Alec... eh... Wayans. There's probably one floating around, I don't know.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Reagan Lauren Busch: [locked in her trailer] Holden Van Dorn is a big homo! Peter Dragon: [standing outside talking to the trailer door] Why do you think Holden's a homo? I mean, I know why I think Holden's a homo, but why do you think he's a homo? Reagan Lauren Busch: Peter, he couldn't even get it up during the love scene. Peter Dragon: Homo. Well, in his defense, eh, you know, it's acting, Reagan. So, maybe, you know, he's just acting he has an erection. Reagan Lauren Busch: Well I don't care what he's supposed to act like. I mean it's a common courtesy.

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