Wendy Ward

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Characters: #2 of 6 (Full List)

Played by:

Illeana Douglas
Born with show business in her blood Illeana is the granddaughter of screen legends 'Melvyn Douglas' ...

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Wendy Ward Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: It's really weird: usually I have a girlfriend and I make pretend she's a whore, but with you it's completely the opposite: I have a whore and I make pretend she's you're my girlfriend. Wendy Ward: Wow, look what's passing for a compliment these days.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Wendy Ward: [reading a list of potential directors] Two left, this one's weird: Cher. Peter Dragon: That is weird. You know what's weird about that? That she's not the last name on the list.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Wendy Ward: This is a job for The Elephant Princess.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: [after a wild night with the Rothstein brothers] Where's your coat? Wendy Ward: [laughs awkwardly] One of them ate it.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: I don't know how to thank you for this, Wendy. Wendy Ward: Here's how to thank me Peter: I want you to turn around, I want you to get into your limo and I want you to drive away. I want you to go back to your life and I want you to forget that you ever met me. Peter Dragon: What are you talking about? Wendy Ward: I'm through with this, Peter, I called a cab, and I'm gonna go home and pack and I'm gonna move some place, some place clean. But if the movie's a hit, I want you to call me, because I want all my money back.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Dead Man Floating Peter Dragon: [to his daughter] Oh, hey, you wanna see a movie, it's directed by some chinaman, it's a, it's good, I don't know, what's the title of it? Wendy Ward: Pussycat lips, pussycat whips, bang bang pussycat, pussycat dies. Georgia Dragon: Is it P.G.? Wendy Ward: I don't think so.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Twelfth Step to Hell Peter Dragon: Come on, I read the Bible. Wendy Ward: You did not. When did you read the Bible? Peter Dragon: I read the part about Jesus and the, the whore, Marlee Matlin, right?
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Mr. Dragon Goes To Washington Senator: Mr. Dragon, you have a young daughter, do you not? Peter Dragon: Let's not go there... Senator: Her name is Georgia, she's about 10 years old I believe. Peter Dragon: Don't do this. Senator: Has little Georgia seen your film entitled "Ripcord"? Peter Dragon: She can't get in Senator, it's rated R. Senator: Which contains 357 acts of violence, 175 profanities, and four scenes of lesbian sex. She proud of her daddy for that one? Wendy Ward: I think we should just go. Senator: How can you look that sweet little girl in the eye? Peter Dragon: I manage. I never voted to subsidize the growing of tobacco, while turning my back on food programs for starving kids. I've never vetoed a gun control bill; all MY guns are fake, Senator. I've never rushed to the defense of Kuwaiti oil fields, while ignoring genocide in Africa, because big oil companies that line your fat pockets aren't concerned with black Africa. Those are all productions of YOUR company Senator, this company right here!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Mr. Dragon Goes To Washington Stuart Glazer: God, I'm stuffed. They put out so much food at these things. Celebrities eat like pigs. Wendy Ward: I know. Hey, I just saw half the cast of Friends throwing up in the ladies room. Stuart Glazer: Shut up!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Blowhard Peter Dragon: I swear to God, if self involved braindead chimps ever form a union, it's gonna be 98 % actors. Wendy Ward: I think they have, it's called Screen Actors Guild.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Blood Money Wendy Ward: Adam, do you know what I used to do? Adam Rafkin: You were a prostitute. Wendy Ward: Adam, do you know what a two-fingered Mexican oil job is? Adam Rafkin: No. Wendy Ward: I do. Do you know what a double-knobbed rubber-bottom sex-basket is? Adam Rafkin: No. Wendy Ward: I own one, Adam. Adam, have you ever had a Dominican face-hat? Adam Rafkin: No. Wendy Ward: Of course you haven't. Cause I'm one of only six people in the world who knows how to do it, and Adam, when you get to page 80 I will do it to you.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Blood Money Wendy Ward: I'm even gonna throw in the incredibly difficult reverse ceiling squad, which normally requires a permission slip from a cardiologist.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Wendy Ward: I really like how even though I'm a hooker you don't treat me like a hooker. Peter Dragon: Thank you. Wendy Ward: You're welcome. Here's your bill. Peter Dragon: All right. It's a pretty impressive group of documents you've got here. Wendy Ward: Thank you. I've got Windows 98. Uncle Lonnie: You know, she was very helpful around the house. Especially those times when you overdosed in your own vomit you know. Wendy Ward: Thanks, Lonnie. See, I kept extensive notes of all of our activities, and then I itemized. See I broke it into different... straight, and there are oral, and others. Peter Dragon: You definitely broke it down three ways. Wendy Ward: Oh, that reminds me. I forgot about the tree-ways. Now, you know what, what the hell, I just throw those in, on the house. Peter Dragon: Oh, I hope so, I never even touched a guy.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Peter Dragon: Wendy, I trust you. You complete me. Wendy Ward: I hate it when people try to pass off movie dialogue and use it in real conversation! Peter Dragon: Well frankly, Wendy, I don't give a damn.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Stuart Glazer: What if we cut the scene where the street gang sets fire to the Beverly Hills Hotel, rapes the supermodel, and plucks out her left eye? Hm? Adam Rafkin: Oh, come on! Are you kidding me? That's the funniest scene in the picture! Peter Dragon: Thank you! Stuart Glazer: True, but it always bothered me, I mean, a supermodel running around the rest of the picture with an eye patch. Peter Dragon: I don't agree. Deformity's sexy. I picture Drew Barrymore with, like, an eye patch, a club foot, maybe a lisp. Well, she has a lisp, but quite frankly, the whole picture gives me an erection. Wendy Ward: Yeah, I knew a working girl with no legs, made twenty-five hundred a night just sitting there. Spinning.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Wendy Ward: Is that the gun I gave you for Hanukkah?
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Peter Dragon: I'm really looking forward to us working together. Keanu Reeves: Peter, I have some concerns. Peter Dragon: Well, I'd like to hear about them. Keanu Reeves: I'm a little concerned that your date has her hand down my pants. Wendy Ward: I'm a big fan. Keanu Reeves: Why, thank you. I'm getting to be a pretty big fan of yours, too.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Wendy Ward: I hated the stupid music, I thought it flat out sucked! Stuart Glazer: It's electronic. Wendy Ward: Yeah, so's my vibrator. But I don't have to sit in a chair and listen to it for an hour and a half. Stuart Glazer: Who the hell are you? Peter Dragon: She's my prostitute. Stuart Glazer: [stuttering] She's your whore? Peter Dragon: No, she's my prostitute. You're my whore.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Wendy Ward: Hey, you want a date? Peter Dragon: I'm gonna puke on you. Wendy Ward: Gee, I don't think I have a price for that.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Cole Riccardi: You're yanking me, you're Wendy Ward? Wendy Ward: Yeah, yeah. Stuart Glazer: Who? Cole Riccardi: Wendy Ward, schmuck. My God, 'Elephant Princess' was huge, every boy in America dreamed of being with Wendy Ward. Uncle Lonnie: And now that dream has almost come true. Wendy Ward: Easy...
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Peter Dragon: You know I'm really sorry you had to see Bruce Willis behave like that. Wendy Ward: Oh, please, It's okay. I just hope the cat is alright.

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