Uncle Lonnie

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Characters: #3 of 6 (Full List)

Played by:

Buddy Hackett
Comedian, actor, author and composer, educated at New Utrecht High School and a member of ASCAP since ...

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Uncle Lonnie Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 12: - One Easy Piece Peter Dragon: Take me to the office, Lonnie. Uncle Lonnie: Petie, you've been up all night, you haven't slept. Why don't you go home? Peter Dragon: That is home.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Dead Man Floating Uncle Lonnie: How's your mother? Hot Dog Vendor: We lost her three weeks ago, Lonnie. Doctor said it was, eh... Georgia Dragon: [interrupting] Excuse me, this has sour crout. I distinctly said no sour crout. Do you have a hearing problem, or is it some kind of age related short term memory thingie?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Dead Man Floating Peter Dragon: Alright, What's the first rule of producing? Georgia Dragon: Never invest you're own money. There's plenty of suckers out there. Peter Dragon: What's the second? Georgia Dragon: No pirate movies. Peter Dragon: Third? Georgia Dragon: Ehm... Uncle Lonnie: Explosions, boobs, explosions. It used to be boobs, explosions, boobs, but women have advanced a long way.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Dragon's Blood Uncle Lonnie: How do we know he's really dead? Usually, when someone dies, they crap themselves and the stuff floats up. Now h... Never mind. There's the mother load, it's hooked underneath.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Blowhard Peter Dragon: How are we gonna cast the part of the seeing eye dog? Stuart, that can't be everybody, who's the hot young dog in town now? Stuart Glazer: Well, there's the Taco Bell dog, red hot. [Peter looks disapprovingly] That dog on Frasier is doing some really terrific work, but who knows if that will translate on the big screen and, eh, well obviously Disney has about 101 dogs that are looking for work. Uncle Lonnie: 102, counting Glen Close. Peter Dragon: You're both wrong. Disney put all those dogs down when the film wrapped. Stuart Glazer: Really? They're so efficient.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Blood Money Uncle Lonnie: You gotta think positive. Like when I lost my right testicle I could've really been depressed. But I wasn't. Peter Dragon: Congratulations. Uncle Lonnie: You know, I get out of the shower every morning, I look down and I say: That sack is half full!
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Wendy Ward: I really like how even though I'm a hooker you don't treat me like a hooker. Peter Dragon: Thank you. Wendy Ward: You're welcome. Here's your bill. Peter Dragon: All right. It's a pretty impressive group of documents you've got here. Wendy Ward: Thank you. I've got Windows 98. Uncle Lonnie: You know, she was very helpful around the house. Especially those times when you overdosed in your own vomit you know. Wendy Ward: Thanks, Lonnie. See, I kept extensive notes of all of our activities, and then I itemized. See I broke it into different... straight, and there are oral, and others. Peter Dragon: You definitely broke it down three ways. Wendy Ward: Oh, that reminds me. I forgot about the tree-ways. Now, you know what, what the hell, I just throw those in, on the house. Peter Dragon: Oh, I hope so, I never even touched a guy.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Uncle Lonnie: You're threatening me? That's a laugh... I'm seventy-nine years old. I've got one kidney, one ball and one lung. I take Viagra just to keep from peeing on my shoes, and you're threatening me? Who are you frightening?
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Peter Dragon: The head of security is sleeping on a couch. Get him a blanket! Uncle Lonnie: And a bagel. Peter Dragon: And a bagel!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Cole Riccardi: You're yanking me, you're Wendy Ward? Wendy Ward: Yeah, yeah. Stuart Glazer: Who? Cole Riccardi: Wendy Ward, schmuck. My God, 'Elephant Princess' was huge, every boy in America dreamed of being with Wendy Ward. Uncle Lonnie: And now that dream has almost come true. Wendy Ward: Easy...

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