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Characters: #4 of 6 (Full List)
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Played by:
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 | Season 1 / Episode 13: - Love Sucks Peter Dragon: [Stuart is hiding from Peter in a bathroom stall] Stuart, get out of the stall, Stuart, I know you're in there! Stuart Glazer: No... You'll hurt me. Peter Dragon: Yes, I will hurt you. But you know what, If I hurt you, then at least one of us will feel better. Stuart Glazer: She still has a very pretty face. Peter Dragon: Oh she has a face? I didn't notice 'cause unfortunately it's on top of the body of Brian Dennehy! |
| Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Stuart Glazer: They wanna make me Head of Comedy. Peter Dragon: Head of Comedy? What do you know about comedy? Stuart Glazer: Nothing. But I'm gay. |
| Season 1 / Episode 11: - Last Ride of the Elephant Princess Peter Dragon: Okay, Stuart, look, there is an enormous difference between movies and television. You know what that difference is? Stuart Glazer: No... Peter Dragon: Okay, let's take a look at my rolodex, okay? I'll be the movie, you be the TV rolodex. In my movie rolodex I have, eh, Sean Connery. Your TV rolodex? Shawn Wayans. Eh? Marlon Brando, Marlon Wayans. Alec Baldwin, Alec... eh... Wayans. There's probably one floating around, I don't know. |
| Season 1 / Episode 8: - Lights, Camera, Action Stuart Glazer: [to Jenny] I don't think you understand my stature around here. Stuart Glazer: Hey, worthless! Peter Dragon: Yes? |
| Season 1 / Episode 7: - Strong Sexual Content Adam Rafkin: Oh, you didn't, you didn't hear the thing about the frog? Stuart Glazer: [rips off his sunglasses] No, and I don't want to live another minute without hearing it. Adam Rafkin: Well, it seems as though our friend Peter was rushed into the emergency room with a frog in a little place called... his ass. Stuart Glazer: [laughs] Oh, who says, that can't be true. Adam Rafkin: They have the frog on the Internet in a jar of formaldehyde. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Mr. Dragon Goes To Washington Stuart Glazer: Hey Peter, what are we helping to cure? Peter Dragon: Nothing, Stuart, these are rich white people, they are here for their own egos, they're hypocrites. Look on the necklace on Candy Spelling, you'd rip that off her neck, you could cure *death*. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Mr. Dragon Goes To Washington Stuart Glazer: God, I'm stuffed. They put out so much food at these things. Celebrities eat like pigs. Wendy Ward: I know. Hey, I just saw half the cast of Friends throwing up in the ladies room. Stuart Glazer: Shut up! |
| Season 1 / Episode 4: - Blowhard Peter Dragon: How are we gonna cast the part of the seeing eye dog? Stuart, that can't be everybody, who's the hot young dog in town now? Stuart Glazer: Well, there's the Taco Bell dog, red hot. [Peter looks disapprovingly] That dog on Frasier is doing some really terrific work, but who knows if that will translate on the big screen and, eh, well obviously Disney has about 101 dogs that are looking for work. Uncle Lonnie: 102, counting Glen Close. Peter Dragon: You're both wrong. Disney put all those dogs down when the film wrapped. Stuart Glazer: Really? They're so efficient. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Blood Money Peter Dragon: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill him. Stuart Glazer: I think you get fined by the Writers Guild. [pause] But it's only 2500. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Blood Money Beverly Hills Savings Executive: This film is based around a madman with an arsenal of automatic weapons savagely slaughtering zoo animals. Stuart Glazer: Yes, it's sort of a cross between Dr. Dolittle and Apocalypse Now. Peter Dragon: Yeah, you get the kids *and* the parents. Beverly Hills Savings Executive: I'll tell you what, Peter. I'll give you the 50 million. If you promise to put our credit in big bold letters over that final shot of the dying baby panda bubbling blood out of his sucking chest wound. |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Stuart Glazer: What if we cut the scene where the street gang sets fire to the Beverly Hills Hotel, rapes the supermodel, and plucks out her left eye? Hm? Adam Rafkin: Oh, come on! Are you kidding me? That's the funniest scene in the picture! Peter Dragon: Thank you! Stuart Glazer: True, but it always bothered me, I mean, a supermodel running around the rest of the picture with an eye patch. Peter Dragon: I don't agree. Deformity's sexy. I picture Drew Barrymore with, like, an eye patch, a club foot, maybe a lisp. Well, she *has* a lisp, but quite frankly, the whole picture gives me an erection. Wendy Ward: Yeah, I knew a working girl with no legs, made twenty-five hundred a night just sitting there. Spinning. |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - Re-enter the Dragon Stuart Glazer: What about the zoo scene? Do we really need that? Adam Rafkin: Peter, no! The zoo scene is the centerpiece of the movie. Everything depends on the zoo scene. The gunfight at the zoo, the slaughter of the pandas. That's the contrapuntal expression of man's inhumanity to man. That's what makes this an allegory, yes, to the destructive nature of the Ubermensch. Peter Dragon: Ubermensch? Look, I like when the chick gets trampled by the zebra, it makes a great poster. The zoo scene stays. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Peter Dragon: We bought the wrong script? Stuart Glazer: Well, we've bought crappy scripts before. Peter Dragon: Yeah, but that was on purpose! Okay, how much did we pay Mr. "Is-there-gonna-be-a-party-afterwards?" Peter Dragon: I have no idea. Not very much, I'm sure. Gina: Two hundred and fifty thousand. Peter Dragon: What? Hey, Stuart, look at me. Are you telling me we spent a quarter of a million dollars and we got the wrong Jew? What are you thinking? A quarter mil for Adam Rafkin. Adam Rafkin couldn't write his name in the snow with his dick! |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Peter Dragon: Look, Stuart, go in the men's room right now, sit in a stall, and see if you can hear the buzz on the picture. Stuart Glazer: Jesus, Peter, I'm the president of production. Make Gina do it. Peter Dragon: I don't care what they're saying in the ladies' room. I have Harvey Keitel pummeling Wynona Ryder's face with a tire iron. It's not exactly a woman's film! |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Adam Rafkin: [At Bobby G's beach front Christmas party] Hi, it's me, Adam Rafkin. Merry Christmas. This is funny that we're running into each other like this. What did you think of my script. Did you...? Peter Dragon: Rafkin, I'm trying to celebrate the birth of Christ with my family, and... hundreds of beautiful, young, gay men. How dare you come here on the holiest of days and crap on our Christmas with talk of show business? Stuart Glazer: [Stuart walks up in a speedo] Peter. Peter Dragon: Stuart, what are you doing here? Stuart Glazer: I have a *life.* |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Wendy Ward: I hated the stupid music, I thought it flat out sucked! Stuart Glazer: It's electronic. Wendy Ward: Yeah, so's my vibrator. But I don't have to sit in a chair and listen to it for an hour and a half. Stuart Glazer: Who the hell are you? Peter Dragon: She's my prostitute. Stuart Glazer: [stuttering] She's your whore? Peter Dragon: No, she's my prostitute. You're my whore. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gross Player Cole Riccardi: You're yanking me, you're Wendy Ward? Wendy Ward: Yeah, yeah. Stuart Glazer: Who? Cole Riccardi: Wendy Ward, schmuck. My God, 'Elephant Princess' was huge, every boy in America dreamed of being with Wendy Ward. Uncle Lonnie: And now that dream has almost come true. Wendy Ward: Easy... |
| Previous: Uncle Lonnie | Next: Adam Rafkin |
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