8 Simple Rules Quotes

8 Simple Rules

- Episode Quotes

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8 Simple Rules Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 21: - The After Party Bridget Hennessy: My life is so unfair, my life is so unfair Jim Egan: Doesn't she have to pay a royalty to Kerry everytime she says that?
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Freaky Friday Cate: Oh, my god. What is he doing? Bridget: I think he's hamsterbating.
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Freaky Friday Bridget: Yeah, you were right. I thought about it and a promise is a promise and I don't want to be mean and lets face it, one date with this geek it'll probably make his entire life.
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Sub C.J.: [talking to the class on his first day as a substitute teacher] American history... is the history of America.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - First Day of School C.J.: Red thong...? I thought that was a handkerchief... Jim: Oh dear God!
	Season 2 / Episode 24: - Finale Part Deux (2) Kerry: [after hearing Bridget was elected Student President] That's what's wrong with democracy. Jim: Hey. I went to war for democracy. Rory: We know you did. Look at Korea now. You kicked ass!
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - Finale Part Un (1) Kerry: And don't tell Bridget this, but I'm really scared. Jim: Oh, so you're scared about being away from your parents? You know, when I was a teenager going on my first holiday without my parents, I was scared. Kerry: Where did you go? Jim: The Korean War.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - Finale Part Un (1) C.J. Barnes: [trying to impress Sissy] Hey, er, you know, the "C" in CJ stands for Cory. So, er, hey Rory! It's your cousin Cory. What you doing? Rory Hennessy: Watching you make an ass of yourself.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - Mother's Day C.J. Barnes: [Bad French Accent] Hello, Cate. Cate Hennessy: [Noticing C. J. sitting there, drinking a cup of tea] How long ahve you been sitting there? C.J. Barnes: [Accent] Bridget, Kerry, Kerry, Bridget. What do they covet most, Cate? Cate Hennessy: Boys? C.J. Barnes: [Accent] Hm, yes. Many, many boys. Cate Hennessy: Well, I was just in their room... C.J. Barnes: [Accent] Snooping, Clarice? Cate Hennessy: I was cleaning! Anyway, i found my suitcase, and a bunch of websites about hotels. C.J. Barnes: [Accent] Bridget and Kerry, hotel, boys. One banana, two banana, three banana, four.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - Mother's Day C.J. Barnes: [Bad French Accent] What we have here, Cate, is a Trash & Dash. Cate Hennessy: What's that? C.J. Barnes: [Bad French Accent] The coolest kids in school throw a party. They rent a fancy hotel room, trash the place, then dash out the door without paying. Trash & Dash. Cate Hennessy: You used to do that? C.J. Barnes: I said the cool kids! I asked all my friends about it, they're like "no! It's a myth!" Cate Hennessy: You know, that actually makes sense. The hotels, the beauty salon, the cool kids didn't invite you. Thanks, C. J. C.J. Barnes: [Bad French Accent] You have to admit, Cate, the world's a much more interesting place with me around. Cate Hennessy: C. J., why are you talking like that? C.J. Barnes: I don't know.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - Mother's Day Cate Hennessy: Corn? [She sits up] Bridget Hennessy: [VO] The chips are potato and corn... Cate Hennessy: [She stands up and knocks a bag over. A flyer falls out that reads "Evergreen - Fresh and Fun"] Kerry Hennessy: [VO] We rented... Evergreen. I hear it's totally fresh and fun... Cate Hennessy: [Flashback, reading a flyer] An overnight stay in a beautility salon... Rory Hennessy: [Flashback, hanging up the phone] That's weird. Travis Stevens just invited me over to his house... C.J. Barnes: [Flashback, sipping a cup of tea] What do they covet most, Cate? Many, many boys... Cate Hennessy: Those girls! They are so dead! [Hops out of the room]
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - C.J.'s Party Bridget: Mom, please don't ground me. Cate: I won't. Bridget: Oh wow it really works. Mom, can I have twenty dollars. Cate: No. Cate: You're not grounded. You're going to help me with the gardening and cleaning the rain gutters. Bridget: But what about my nails? Cate: I guess you'll have to cut them back. Bridget: [to CJ] This is all your fault. Bridget: I figured out what CJ stands for... Benedict Arnold. C.J.: That would hurt if it made any sense.
	Season 2 / Episode 18: - Let's Keep Going (1) Jim: Kerry's so angry. I've never seen such raw, naked hostility since... you know. Cate: The Korean War? Jim: No, your mother.
	Season 2 / Episode 18: - Let's Keep Going (1) Kerry: Give me one good reason why I can't go to the Maeve Festival. Cate: Actually, I'll give you three: sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. C.J.: Sold!
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Opposites Attract (2) C.J.: [to Kerry] OK, Pippi, quit hogging the mac and cheese.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Opposites Attract (2) Bridget: [to Jeremy] I mean, I go to your academic parties and I try to impress you and it's like BUY A VOWEL ALREADY!
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Opposites Attract (2) Bridget: [about Lacey] Wait, so I'm your rebound to pony girl?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Goodbye (2) Cate Hennessy: [reading Paul's last article] Okay readers, today we're having a little pop quiz, it's multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Ready? Here's a quote: "Dad, you're an idiot." Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? A: Coming to the breakfast table wearing pajamas and black socks? B: Asking my oldest daughter if that guy I saw her talking to yesterday at school was her boyfriend? C: Referring to rapper Fiddy Cent as "Fifty Cents"? or D: Entering the room? Okay, pencils down. Actually it was a trick question. The answer is all of the above. Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Zero. Why? Because I feared him. Back then we didn't share our deep personal feelings, our deepest conversations usually revolved around the tigers bull pen. But my kids, I can't get them to shut up! There's not a feeling that my kids are afraid to express over and over and over. And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she's always right. So do I wish that my kids feared me? Well my house would be quieter, and I'd spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no. Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it's a "You're an idiot," "You're a geek," or an "I hate you," an "I love you" isn't far behind. And it's the knowledge that my wife and kids love me that makes it safe for me to wear pajamas and black socks to the breakfast table.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Goodbye (1) Kerry Hennessy: Bridge? Grandma and Gramps are here. Bridget Hennessy: Is Dad with them? Kerry Hennessy: No. Bridget Hennessy: Well, then I really don't give a damn.
	Season 1 / Episode 28: - Sort of an Officer and a Gentleman (2) Bridget: Hello Mary-Kate, hello Ashley.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - Sort of an Officer and a Gentleman (1) Bridget: I'm going to have a long distance, monogamous relationship with my virgin boyfriend just to spite you. Paul: Alrighty then!
	Season 1 / Episode 24: - Queen Bees and King Bees Paul: When you 'assume', you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. Bridget: When you 'presume', you 'press' 'u' to 'me'. OK, that's gross.
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - Kerry's Video Rory: [when Bridget breaks her nose, comes down for breakfast] I am not an animal. Bridget: Shut Up! Cate: Rory, are you about done? Rory: Just about. I am a human... being.
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - Kerry's Video Rory: I should go up to my room and take a long look at myself. In the mirror. To see what my butt looks like when I'm dancing! [shakes shoulders]
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Every Picture Tells a Story Carter Tibbits: It's okay. It's family, music to my ears. Cate Hennessy: So, where's your family tonight, Carter? Carter Tibbits: Well, wife number one is in Aspen with my girls. Wife number two went back to Italy with my boys. And wife number four, my current wife, she's vacationing with her mother in Martha's Vineyard. Paul Hennessy: What about wife number three? Carter Tibbits: We don't ever talk about wife number three! But I love wife number four. Bridget Hennessy: You know, aren't you a little young to have all of those wives? It sounds to me like you had some mother issues. Paul Hennessy: Bridget! Carter Tibbits: No, no, she may be onto somethin'. You know, when you grow up the eighth of nine kids, sometimes you can get lost in the shuffle. [Sad] Oh, mama, why didn't you love me? [Puts his face in his hands and pretends to cry. Paul goes over to comfort him. He points his hands at Paul, revealing that he was faking] Booyah!
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Every Picture Tells a Story Carter Tibbits: Paul, I thought my crew chief made everything clear. I can't trust a man who sneaks in my bedroom while I'm showering and plays with my stuff. I'm afraid you're dead to me, Paul. Just like a certain ex-wife whose number I will not mention. [Pats Rory on the shoulder] How're you doin' there, son? Paul Hennessy: Now, Carter, I just want to set everything straight, and then you'll never hear from me again. I know that the book deal is dead. Is it? [Carter stares at him] I mean, right. No, no, that's neither here nor there, it's just... that I, I want you to know that I wasn't playing with your stuff. [he stares at Rory, Rory shakes his head "no". He goes back to looking at Carter] My son took something. I was putting it back. Carter Tibbits: Well, isn't that somethin'. Blaming it on your own son! Cody Grant: [From the other room, VO] Pitiful! Paul Hennessy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Wait! If you rewound the tape... Carter Tibbits: You're not half the man that wife number three turned out to... [Stops himself, realizing he's said too much] I think you know where the door is. Rory Hennessy: [He and Paul go towards the door, but Rory turns back for a moment] Mr. Tibbits, I stole that picture of you and movie legend, Paul Newman. My dad was just putting it back. I took it for a joke. Carter Tibbits: There's nothin' funny about stealin', son. Rory Hennessy: I know. It's just, my dad's so funny, and I was trying to be funny. Paul Hennessy: Rory, why'd you take it so far? Rory Hennessy: Because I wanted to impress you! Carter Tibbits: Whoa! Whoa! Stealing to impress your father! You know, Rory, I run a program for at-risk youth, such as yourself... Paul Hennessy: He's not at-risk! Carter Tibbits: If I had a dime for every parent who ever said that...
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Every Picture Tells a Story Bridget Hennessy: I know it's hard. But, in order to accept it, you need to say it out loud. That's the first step to recovery. Now repeat after me: "It's not my fault". Say it. Carter Tibbits: [a second screen pops up with him sitting on the couch in his room] I can't! Bridget Hennessy: Come on! Say it! "It's not my fault". Carter Tibbits: It's not... my... fault. Wife number three... was not... my... fault. Wait a minute! I know whose fault it was! Mama, why didn't you love me? [He puts his head in his hands. Bridget hangs up the phone]
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Trick or Treehouse Rory: It's no fun egging your own backyard.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Cheerleader Paul: [Bridget storms into the house very upset] So, is my little girl a cheerleader? Kerry: [enters doing a high kick and waving pom-poms] Yes, she is!
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Wall of Shame Paul: [Bridget is busted for shop lifting, and Paul needs to talk to her in private] Rory, go outside! Rory: No way! People will point at me and say, "Hey! There's the shop lifter's brother"

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