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 | Season 6 / Episode 20: - The Thing That Wouldn't Die (2) Dr. Dick Solomon: Lieutenant. Information officer. Transmitter. Sally Solomon, Harry Solomon, Tommy Solomon: High commander. Dr. Dick Solomon: My family. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 18: - Mary Loves Scoochie (2) Dr. Dick Solomon: I will now dispatch my foe with an elegant haiku. Dr. Liam Neesam: [interrupting Dick's count] Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. Dr. Dick Solomon: I know that! Dr. Dick Solomon: [disgusted, yet in haiku format] I'm so sick of you. You think you know everything. Will you stop it? Please Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, yes. That is *technically* a haiku, but it's a rather pedestrian one. Isn't it? Dr. Dick Solomon: No. No - That was an accidental haiku! Dr. Liam Neesam: What? Dr. Dick Solomon: I-I-I want another turn! |
 | Season 6 / Episode 8: - Red, White & Dick Tommy Solomon: Wow wow wow. What's with the new shoes? Sally Solomon: They ain't new. I got 'em four hours ago! |
| Season 6 / Episode 8: - Red, White & Dick Mr. Barnes: [about the US-American citizenship test Dick Solomon wants to skip] I don't think you understand. Why don't you take these studying materials and just come back when you're ready? Dr. Dick Solomon: No no, I'm ready now. I've lied on my tax returns, I've been arrested, and I don't vote. I'm a true American. Test me now! Mr. Barnes: Okay. Question 1: How is the president of the United States elected? Dr. Dick Solomon: Now, I know this. He - or she... ya, right - is chosen on the basis of how physically attractive they are and their definition of adultery. And it doesn't hurt to know Barbra Streisand. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 6: - Why Dickie Can't Teach Harry Solomon: Mr. Demarmel! Mr. Demarmel: [about the newly developed very secret, very big salami prototype in Harry's trouser pocket] Is that the prototype in your pocket? Harry Solomon: Nah! I'm just happy to see you. |
| Season 6 / Episode 6: - Why Dickie Can't Teach Mamie Dubcek: You know what they say... 'Under every great man lies a great woman'. Officer Don: Don't you mean "behind"? Mamie Dubcek: Ohhh, you're dirty! |
 | Season 6 / Episode 1: - Les Liaisons Dickgereuses Dr. Mary Albright: [looking out of the window] There. Right there. That's where they're putting it. Unbelievable! Nina Campbell: I know. How dare they attach the new wing of the museum onto the rest of the museum? |
 | Season 5 / Episode 21: - The Big Giant Head Returns Again (1) Dr. Dick Solomon: Hey, Tommy. How was school? Tommy Solomon: Terrible. I got called into the principal's office, because of my grades. Harry Solomon: What'd he do to you? Tommy Solomon: He made me valedictorian! Apparently, I have the best grades in school. Damn it! Dr. Dick Solomon: But, you barely ever go to class. Tommy Solomon: I know. That's how stupid everyone else is. Damn it! |
 | Season 5 / Episode 16: - Dick Strikes Out Dr. Dick Solomon: I'm sorry, there is simply no room in the budget for raises. But I can go you one better: promotions! Sally, you are now *Senior* Security Officer. Sally Solomon: That'll look good on the old résumé. Dr. Dick Solomon: Tommy, you are now *Senior* Information Officer. Tommy Solomon: It's about time. Harry Solomon: What about me? Dr. Dick Solomon: Harry, you are now... Harold. Harry Solomon: Champagne for everyone! |
| Season 5 / Episode 16: - Dick Strikes Out Dr. Vincent Strudwick: Dick, without your cowardice and courage we wouldn't be right back where we started. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 14: - This Little Dick Goes to Market Tommy Solomon: And you expect to make enough money in the stock market to take Albright to Cancun? Dr. Dick Solomon: Yeah. But if we found out about the stock market when we first landed here we would *own* freakin' Cancun. Tommy Solomon: Excuse me. I read all about it right after we landed. Dr. Dick Solomon: But why didn't you say anything? Tommy Solomon: Dick, I was thirteen years old. I wasn't obsessed with *money*. I was obsessed with boobs. Dr. Dick Solomon: Why haven't you said anything since? Tommy Solomon: Again: boobs. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 11: - Dick Puts the Id in Cupid Harry Solomon: Aww! Nothing says "I love you" like than having sex with a stranger the night before you're suppose to do it with your girlfriend for the very first time on Valentine's Day. |
| Season 5 / Episode 11: - Dick Puts the Id in Cupid Dr. Mary Albright: I can't believe this. Dr. Dick Solomon: What do you mean? Dr. Mary Albright: People don't do this. People don't look at other people's psychological files to get gift ideas! |
| Season 5 / Episode 11: - Dick Puts the Id in Cupid Harry Solomon: [watching a pay-per-view] Are those two women naked? Tommy Solomon: Yes they are. Harry Solomon: So... What did that guy do to deserve that spanking? |
| Season 5 / Episode 11: - Dick Puts the Id in Cupid Sally Solomon: Hey you guys, why is everything so red on Valentine's Day? I mean the greeting cards, and the candy, even the tire ads. Dr. Dick Solomon: Well, red represents the blood that was spilled at the massacre. Harry Solomon: Massacre? Dr. Dick Solomon: Yeah, the St. Valentine's Day massacre. It's a very big deal here on Earth. |
| Season 5 / Episode 11: - Dick Puts the Id in Cupid Alissa Strudwick: Hey guys! Tommy Solomon: Hey Alyssa! How you doin'? Sally Solomon: Hey! Uuuuh... [Runs to the kitchen] Dr. Dick Solomon: Will you uh uh uh... Oh, look at the time. [Runs out to his room] Tommy Solomon: Harry? Harry Solomon: Hm? Oh! I was just trying to stagger my exit for a more natural effect. [Gets up to leave] La la la, la la la la. And I'm out! |
| Season 5 / Episode 11: - Dick Puts the Id in Cupid Tommy Solomon: This Valentine's Day is about me and Alyssa maximizing the loving and minimizing the virginity. Sally Solomon: Yes! Dr. Dick Solomon: About time. I've been telling you to do that since you were 14. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 9: - The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary Dr. Dick Solomon: Why do these people get to have their life stories in the paper? What makes them so special? Nina Campbell: Those are the obituaries. Dr. Dick Solomon: Well, I want one about me! Nina Campbell: Hopefully soon. |
| Season 5 / Episode 9: - The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary Harry Solomon: Yeah, there was a time in my life when I decided to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but then I had to ask myself, "Have I been offered this position?". |
| Season 5 / Episode 9: - The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary Sally Solomon: [to Mary] Dad's a great guy, you'd love to meet him. Dr. Mary Albright: Dick, you told me your father was dead. Dr. Dick Solomon: She meant you'd like his corpse. |
| Season 5 / Episode 9: - The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary Harry Solomon: My name is Harry and I am an alcoholic. Triple-A Lady: Sir, this is "AAA". |
 | Season 5 / Episode 8: - Charitable Dick Tommy Solomon: Hey Albright. What's with the cap? Dr. Mary Albright: Why? Too much? Tommy Solomon: Well not if you're fighting crime. |
| Season 5 / Episode 8: - Charitable Dick Harry Solomon: So what is this thing you're going to anyway? Dr. Dick Solomon: It's a charity auction. Tommy Solomon: And what's charity again? Dr. Dick Solomon: Well all I know is they're giving out free drinks and paddles with numbers on them. Harry Solomon: Well I guess that's what charity's all about: getting liquored up and spanking your neighbor. |
| Season 5 / Episode 8: - Charitable Dick Dr. Dick Solomon: We can make little differences; we just can't make global differences. Harry Solomon: Can we blow up the Earth? Dr. Dick Solomon: You see, that's a global difference. Harry Solomon: It's so hard to keep track of all this. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 7: - Sex and the Sally Harry Solomon: Sally, I'm starving. What's for dinner? Sally Solomon: Oh, I made you some hamburgers. They're down at the hamburger place. All you have to do is go there, order them, pay for them. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 2: - Dick for Tat Dr. Mary Albright: I am so hungover! Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh well, Mary, that's just nature's way of telling you what a tramp you are. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 24: - Dick's Big Giant Headache (2) Sally Solomon: Are you guys implying that I got this job because of my body? Tommy Solomon: We're not implying anything. We're saying it right to your face. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 23: - Dick's Big Giant Headache (1) Sally Solomon: So how was your trip, sir? The Big Giant Head: Horrifying, at first. I looked out the window and... I saw something on the side of the plane. Dr. Dick Solomon: The same thing happened to me! |
| Season 4 / Episode 23: - Dick's Big Giant Headache (1) Dr. Dick Solomon: Families don't refer to each other by rank. They use more familiar terms like 'you' or 'bastard' or... 'you bastard'. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 22: - Near Dick Experience Dr Mary Albright: What do you have some kind of a death wish? Dr. Dick Solomon: Actually it's more of a "near death-wish" but if we rule out death I really think it undercuts the experience, you know? |
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