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 | Season 3 / Episode 21: - Mama Mia Jack: You know what family means to me Lemon? Resentment. Guilt. Anger. Easter egg hunts that turn into knife fights. |
| Season 3 / Episode 21: - Mama Mia Jenna Maroney: [to writers] And you know who else loves "Dealbreaker"? Bret Michaels. We have the same publicist, and she said he'd love to come here and dress in the same outfit and do it with me... and also, he wants to be on the show. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 20: - The Natural Order Kenneth Parcell: Now you're standing on the exact spot where Gracie Allen took Jack Paar's virginity. |
| Season 3 / Episode 20: - The Natural Order Kenneth Parcell: Well, as a child, I had a prize pig that I thought was my best friend. But then one day I picked up one of her piglets - she went crazy! She bit off my nut sack... that I kept tied around my belt to feed squirrels. |
| Season 3 / Episode 20: - The Natural Order Jack Donaghy: Have you ever been to Florida? It's basically a criminal population. It's America's Australia. |
| Season 3 / Episode 20: - The Natural Order Liz Lemon: You cost the show a lot of money with your shenanigans. Tracy Jordan: Don't patronize me with your Celtic slang, Liz Lemon. |
| Season 3 / Episode 20: - The Natural Order Liz Lemon: Hey Jack, do you treat me any differently because I'm a woman? Jack Donaghy: Well, I pay you a little less, yes. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 19: - The Ones Jack Donaghy: Being in a relationship means overlooking certain flaws. I mean, somewhere right now a guy is on a J-Date with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody's perfect. |
| Season 3 / Episode 19: - The Ones Tracy Jordan: You are wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically manipulated shark. |
| Season 3 / Episode 19: - The Ones Elisa: Lemon, isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts? |
| Season 3 / Episode 19: - The Ones Kenneth Parcell: My real name is... Dick Whitman! |
| Season 3 / Episode 19: - The Ones Liz Lemon: Wow, that is one gay lion. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Tracy Jordan: Friendship and trust in the entourage is the most important thing. Like on that HBO show, John Adams. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Jenna Maroney: Oh, I can play dead. I watched my whole church group get eaten by a bear. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Jack Donaghy: You can't give up now. Did Jackie Jormp-Jomp give up when those vampires attacked Woodstox? |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Jack Donaghy: Wait, you're dating one of the dancers? Kenneth Parcell: Oh, no sir, I actually haven't spoken to her yet, but I have a long term plan to marry her and I wanted the company to be aware of my intentions. Jack Donaghy: I see. I'll be sure to mention that at the next board meeting. Kenneth Parcell: Thank you, sir. Also, I don't know if this is harassment, but someone at the Today Show made me eat an unripe banana in front of her. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Jenna Maroney: The Kids Choice Awards? Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven-Symone for one day... but she knows what she did. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Jenna Maroney: I'm prepared to slip a nipple if you think it will help. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Jack Donaghy: I'm going to Tupac you. Jenna Maroney: OK, but I have to pee first. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Liz Lemon: Excuse me, Mr. Weinerslav... Jeffrey Weinerslav: It's pronounced Wiener-slave. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Tracy Jordan: Heavy is the head that eats the crayons. |
| Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Jenna Maroney: Do you need a sex tape release? Because I've got a weird one. It's night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 17: - Cutbacks Tracy Jordan: Jenna, I just want you to know that if we find any human remains in there, I'm gonna throw up all over your face. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 16: - Apollo, Apollo Jenna Maroney: The reason I speak with a slight English inflection in my voice is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack. |
| Season 3 / Episode 16: - Apollo, Apollo Tracy Jordan: What is this, Horse-ville? 'Cause I am surrounded by nay-sayers! Wordplay! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Bubble Jack Donaghy: I've arranged for one of Tracy's childhood idols to reach out to him. Tracy Jordan: Hello? Jack Donaghy: Tracy, this is Jack, I have someone here who wants to speak with you. Rick: Tracy, this is Bill Cosby... Liz Lemon: [whispering] Really? This is your strategy? Jack Donaghy: [whispering and smiling] I heard him do this at a party! Rick: ...I want you to come back to the TGS for the people who like the jokes and the things. Tracy Jordan: Bill Cosby, you got a lotta nerve gettin' on the phone wit' me after what you did to my Aunt Paulette! Rick: I think you're confusing me with someone else. Tracy Jordan: 1971. Cincinnati. She was a cocktail waitress with the droopy eye! Rick: I'm the guy... with the pudding... Tracy Jordan: Don't try to tell me what to do! Heathcliffe Huxtable, wit' yo' light-ass kids! Jack! Why would you make me talk to this man? Jack Donaghy: Tracy, wait! [ Deepens voice slightly. ] Tracy this is Billy Dee Williams, I just wanna say I love your work, it's very smooth... [Lemon groans and walks out] |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Bubble Tracy Jordan: Now get in here and rub my feet until you hear a chopper coming. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Bubble Jenna Maroney: Everyone shout out phrases that describe my beauty. Pete Hornberger: Fading. Cerie: '80s. Richard F. Esposito: 1880s. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 14: - The Funcooker Jack Donaghy: Lemon is right, Jenna, obviously you can't do both TGC and Jenny Jimplin. Jenna Maroney: I choose the movie. My face is bigger on movies. Jack Donaghy: No, I don't mean quit, I mean Liz will find a way to make both work. Am I right, Lemon? Liz Lemon: Well, I'll have to use you less in the show... Jack Donaghy: And I'll schale back the movie. We could cut the lesbian scene. Jenna Maroney: But the Oscars love that kind of scene. [Lemon gives her a look] There's two guys in my gym named Oscar. |
| Season 3 / Episode 14: - The Funcooker Dr. Leo Spaceman: [watching a lab rat clawing at its window] He's been doing that for almost 8 hours, Dr. Vicki. You know what I like to do for 8 hours? A TV guide crossword puzzle. |
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