Liz Lemon

30 Rock

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Tina Fey
Elizabeth Stamatina Fey was born in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, just west of Philadelphia, in 1970 to ...

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Liz Lemon Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 22: - Kidney Now! Liz Lemon: We sure had quite a year. [slaps Jack on the back] Jack Donaghy: What are you talking about? It's May.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Mama Mia Liz Lemon: Look, Jack, I don't have a lot of personal life experience, but if I have learned anything from my Sims family... when a child doesn't see his father enough, he starts to jump up and down, and then his mood level will drop until he pees himself. Jack Donaghy: Why don't I have any other friends?
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Mama Mia Liz Lemon: Look, Jack, I don't have a lot of personal life experience, but if I have learned anything from my Sims family, when a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, and then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Mama Mia Liz Lemon: Wow, okay what about this? Maybe Donald is Tracy's son, because maybe Tracy is 60. Pete Hornberger: No, that's ridiculous. Liz Lemon: Think about it, he can't rap, he has diabetes, a lot of his friends are dead.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - The Natural Order Liz Lemon: You cost the show a lot of money with your shenanigans. Tracy Jordan: Don't patronize me with your Celtic slang, Liz Lemon.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - The Natural Order Liz Lemon: Hey Jack, do you treat me any differently because I'm a woman? Jack Donaghy: Well, I pay you a little less, yes.
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - The Ones Liz Lemon: Wow, that is one gay lion.
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Jackie Jormp-Jomp Liz Lemon: Excuse me, Mr. Weinerslav... Jeffrey Weinerslav: It's pronounced Wiener-slave.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Bubble Jack Donaghy: I've arranged for one of Tracy's childhood idols to reach out to him. Tracy Jordan: Hello? Jack Donaghy: Tracy, this is Jack, I have someone here who wants to speak with you. Rick: Tracy, this is Bill Cosby... Liz Lemon: [whispering] Really? This is your strategy? Jack Donaghy: [whispering and smiling] I heard him do this at a party! Rick: ...I want you to come back to the TGS for the people who like the jokes and the things. Tracy Jordan: Bill Cosby, you got a lotta nerve gettin' on the phone wit' me after what you did to my Aunt Paulette! Rick: I think you're confusing me with someone else. Tracy Jordan: 1971. Cincinnati. She was a cocktail waitress with the droopy eye! Rick: I'm the guy... with the pudding... Tracy Jordan: Don't try to tell me what to do! Heathcliffe Huxtable, wit' yo' light-ass kids! Jack! Why would you make me talk to this man? Jack Donaghy: Tracy, wait! [ Deepens voice slightly. ] Tracy this is Billy Dee Williams, I just wanna say I love your work, it's very smooth... [Lemon groans and walks out]
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - The Funcooker Jack Donaghy: Lemon is right, Jenna, obviously you can't do both TGC and Jenny Jimplin. Jenna Maroney: I choose the movie. My face is bigger on movies. Jack Donaghy: No, I don't mean quit, I mean Liz will find a way to make both work. Am I right, Lemon? Liz Lemon: Well, I'll have to use you less in the show... Jack Donaghy: And I'll schale back the movie. We could cut the lesbian scene. Jenna Maroney: But the Oscars love that kind of scene. [Lemon gives her a look] There's two guys in my gym named Oscar.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Larry King Liz Lemon: You want the truth, Kenneth, you want the truth? Kenneth Parcell: I can't handle the truth! Liz Lemon: There is an adult picture of me on that phone. Kenneth Parcell: Adult? You mean like you're driving a car or wearing a suit? Liz Lemon: It's a boobies picture, Kenneth, and I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - St. Valentine's Day Jack Donaghy: Elisa is deeply religious. Liz Lemon: If I had those knockers, I'd be thanking God too.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - St. Valentine's Day Dr. Drew Baird: Ok, I feel like I should do the right thing here and tell you that your breast has fallen out of your blouse and I can see all of it. Liz Lemon: [glances down] Okay, well, I guess we just [nervous chuckle] jumped ahead to date four. [quietly] It's not the good one, either.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Generalissimo Jack Donaghy: Oh Lemon, this is Elisa. Liz Lemon: What? Come on, you're a nurse? [shakes hands] Elisa: Yes, some of us are hot.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Generalissimo Elisa: Be very careful. El Generalissimo was once a good man. But the years of loneliness drove him insane. Liz Lemon: I am not the Generalissimo, Elisa.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Retreat To Move Forward Liz Lemon: [holds up two halves of a lego train] Sorry, I dropped it when I pretended it was my penis. [mechanical voice] Robot-penis.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Flu Shot Dr. Spaceman: If you want a shot you're gonna have to dance for it. Liz Lemon: Liz dances Dr. Spaceman: Very nice.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Christmas Special Jack: Have I told you about my mom's yuletide boyfriend, Frederick August Otto Schwarz III. Liz Lemon: FAO Swartz? Like the toy store? Jack: His family owned some toy stores, yes. So what? Liz Lemon: Jack, I think your mother put out on Christmas to get you kids presents. She did it for you. Jack: Not possible. She didn't do anything for us. Liz Lemon: I know you guys were pretty poor, did you have a lot of presents? Jack: You couldn't even see the tree.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Christmas Special Liz Lemon: Hey, you don't know the Post Master General, do you? Jack: I do, but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. I mean, if I want to lick a hippie, I'll just return Joan Baez's phone calls.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Reunion Liz Lemon: [Liz] After first refusing to go on stage but changes mind after being offered a $50 gift card to Outback Steak House trance- like- I want to go to there.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Reunion Liz Lemon: Even Rob Sussman hated me? He was the first gay guy I ever kissed.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Gavin Volure Liz Lemon: I guess this is what the kids call a "booty call". Gavin Volure: I haven't been outside since 1984, and even I know the kids don't call it that anymore.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Gavin Volure Liz Lemon: I just wish I could start a relationship about twelve years in, when you really don't have to try anymore, and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows, and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The One with the Cast of 'Night Court' Jack Donaghy: I need your help, We were having sex at The Palace, she told me she loved me. Liz Lemon: You did it, again? Jack Donaghy: Well it was quick and in the meat locker, that's ok, right? Liz Lemon: What is it with you men, you're like you are junkies or something. Why can't you just say no? Jack Donaghy: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing. Emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack, I mean their self-loathing translates into... nevermind. I've got to get out of this. What do other guys do? Liz Lemon: Well, one guy died, Scotty Pippen requested a transfer to Houston. Jack Donaghy: Jack Donaghy: Houston is too humid, what about this dying thing? Liz Lemon: Where is she now? Jack Donaghy: Chained to the radiator at her hotel room. It was her idea, she's an amazing woman.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The One with the Cast of 'Night Court' Liz Lemon: [about Claire] She's like a human Macarena. Something everyone did at parties in 1996.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Believe in the Stars Oprah Winfrey: I want to help you. What can I do? Liz Lemon: Can you please say "Please welcome Liz Lemoooooooon!" Oprah Winfrey: No.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Believe in the Stars Liz Lemon: [dressed up as Princess Leia] I don't think its fair for me to be a juror, because I can read people's thougts. Judge: Dismissed!
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Believe in the Stars Jack Donaghy: Lemon, does Kenneth look up to you? Liz Lemon: Of course he does. Kenneth looks up to everybody. He even calls Tracy's lizard Sir.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Believe in the Stars Liz Lemon: [drowsy from pills] I'ma call you back. I's sitting next to Borpo!
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Believe in the Stars Liz Lemon: [on her cellphone, under the influence of tranquilizers on an airplane, with Oprah Winfrey as a seatmate] I'ma call you back. I'm snitting nexxa Borpo.

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