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30 Rock tv show

30 Rock

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Characters: #8 of 10 (Full List)

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Josh Girard 30 Rock

Josh Girard

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  Played by:
 Lonny Ross

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Josh Girard Quotes

02x08 - Secrets and Lies Season 2 / Episode 8: - Secrets and Lies

Josh Girard: [laughs] You're lame thing is on his pants!
01x15 - Hard Ball (a.k.a. Negotiation) Season 1 / Episode 15: - Hard Ball (a.k.a. Negotiation)

Josh Girard: I'm Jack Donaghy. I'm important, I just bought the moon.
01x15 - Hard Ball (a.k.a. Negotiation) Season 1 / Episode 15: - Hard Ball (a.k.a. Negotiation)

Liz Lemon: Now say 5 reasons I'm better than you.
Josh Girard: You're smarter than me.
Liz Lemon: One.
Josh Girard: You beat me at arm wrestling.
Liz Lemon: Two.
Josh Girard: Uhh, you read the paper.
Liz Lemon: Yeah, suck it. I do read the paper.
01x13 - Up All Night Season 1 / Episode 13: - Up All Night

Toofer: Okay, I got a hard one: Osama bin Laden, Martha Stewart, Jenna.
Frank Rossitano: Bone Osama bin Laden, to shame him, and then his own people would murder him. Marry Martha Stuart, 'cause, you know, she seems like a dirty bird, and kill Jenna.
Josh Girard: Cerie, marry, boff, kill: Lutz, Toofer or Kenneth.
Cerie: I'd marry Toofer, because he's classy. I'd kill Lutz, sorry Lutz.
Lutz: The thought that you'd do anything to me is awesome.
Cerie: And I'd boff Kenneth.
01x12 - Black Tie Season 1 / Episode 12: - Black Tie

Josh Girard: The crew is playing a game of 'The Dozens' Your momma is so stupid she thought an iMac was a new hamburger at McDonald's.
Liz Lemon: What's the difference between your momma and a washing machine? When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
01x10 - The Rural Juror Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Rural Juror

Josh Girard: I had to let Tony watch me pee to get this tape.
01x09 - The Baby Show Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Baby Show

Tracy Jordan: [answering phone] Yo!
Josh Girard: [impersonating Jack Donaghy] Tracy. It's Jack Donaghy. I hear we have a problem with Josh Girard.
Tracy Jordan: Damn right! Keeps impersonating me! Makin' me into a caricature!
Josh Girard: Well, I would take care of this if I could. But it's tricky. You see, Josh's father's an assassin with the Russian mafia. They call him "El Matador."
Tracy Jordan: Whoooa. Those dudes are crazy. Forget it. I don't need any of that noise.
Josh Girard: It happies me. To hear you say that. For being so understanding, I'm sending you our new, super-top-secret invisible motorcycle.
Tracy Jordan: For reals?
Josh Girard: [laughs] For realsies. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see adoctor. I keep pooping during sex.

Previous: Kenneth Parcell Next: Toofer

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