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 | Season 4 / Episode 20: - Last Chance High School Principal: I like the hat! Off. Tom Hanson #2: I like the hair! Off. Doug Penhall: Very false Off. Tom Hanson #2: Nice sheen: Only one thing missing... Off. Tom Hanson #2, Off. Doug Penhall: [together] BANGS! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 19: - La Bizca Off. Tom Hanson #2: If you would've just kept your mouth shut, we'd still have our car. Off. Doug Penhall: You said something, too. They took our badges! Off. Tom Hanson #2: [with a Mexican accent] We don't need no - Off. Doug Penhall: [together with Hanson] - stinking badges! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 6: - Old Haunts in a New Age Officer Tom Hanson: Doug, you know there's going to be a million vampires at this Halloween dance tonight? Officer Doug Penhall: What? I'm Count Chocula! |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Old Haunts in a New Age Off. Tom Hanson #2: Aliens travel 6 light years for a good deal on a car stereo BELIEVE IT... or not. Off. Doug Penhall: You're never going to let me forget this, are you? Off. Tom Hanson #2: DOUG, YOU'RE PSYCHIC! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 1: - Draw the Line Off. Tom Hanson #2: Wow. Well, Socrates can rest easy. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - Draw the Line Officer Dennis Booker: I see life like a street- you're walking down it and up ahead of you is a store where you're going to buy something. But between you and that purchase are all the rules coming up to you like some beggar hitting you up for all of your money. You feel bad for dodging them, but he stands between you and what you want, so you look away when he passes,or you cross the street. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 16: - High High David: Save your preach, cop. I reject everything, man. And it's not because I'm unhappy or confused or afraid of reality. See, I can, I can, chew up the nastiest tastes reality has to dish out, man. And if reality serves me up some raw sewage, man - I'll, I'll slurp up a whole toilet-bowl full and call it ambrosia. Officer Dennis Booker: You always had a way with words, Dave. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Dragon and the Angel Off. Tom Hanson #2: Doug I know you're sorry, You know how I know? You've apologised to me 430 times! You cleaned my desk, You washed my car... You brought a whoopie cushion... You've sharpened all my pencils! Off. Doug Penhall: Any of them need re-sharpening? Off. Tom Hanson #2: No! No... Off. Doug Penhall: Well, It's just that, you know, shooting your partners just a very stupid thing to do! You gotta be a little mad at me. Off. Tom Hanson #2: No I'm not Off. Doug Penhall: Oh you gotta be... You know it's very unhealthy to keep this stuff couped up, you should let some steam off get it off your chest. Off. Tom Hanson #2: Alright! Alright. I sharpen my own pencils pal, understand? Noone sharpens my pencils but me... Noone Off. Doug Penhall: Then you are a little mad... Off. Tom Hanson #2: Of course I'm mad you shot me in the ass! and I'll never forgive you okay? There. Off. Doug Penhall: Oh Wonderful, Terrific! One little mistake and you're gonna keep a grudge over me for the rest of my life? Fabulous! |
| Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Dragon and the Angel Off. Doug Penhall: You know... I had them move the desks closer together, so you wouldn't strain your voice if you call for me |
| Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Dragon and the Angel Off. Doug Penhall: I hope you don't have one already... Tada! Off. Tom Hanson #2: It's very nice... What is it? Off. Doug Penhall: It's a pillow. Off. Tom Hanson #2: Where's the rest of it? Off. Doug Penhall: No, it's supposed to be like that... It's for guys who have... Off. Tom Hanson #2: What? Off. Doug Penhall: Hemroids. Off. Tom Hanson #2: You hope I don't already have one? Make this go away Off. Doug Penhall: Okay... I'll put it over here, in case you change your mind. It's right here alright? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 1: - Fun with Animals Off. Tom Hanson #2: Nice digs Doug, you dog. I dig em. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 20: - Best Years of Your Life Off. Doug Penhall: She killed herself on anti-depressants? What did she do, chuckle herself to death? |
 | Season 2 / Episode 17: - Champagne High Off. Doug Penhall: You must wanna see what the inside of your neck looks like. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 14: - Chapel of Love Off. Tom Hanson #2, Officer Harry Truman Ioki, Sal "Blowfish" Banducci: [simultaneously] Don't go in the bar, Penhall! |
| Season 2 / Episode 14: - Chapel of Love Off. Doug Penhall, Off. Tom Hanson #2: [at the same time] THROW IN A CHIP, HARRY! Off. Doug Penhall: [to Hanson] Poke, poke, you owe me a Coke! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 13: - A Big Disease with a Little Name Off. Tom Hanson #2: A guy from homicide sent me a dozen roses. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins Officer Tom Hanson: [while mechanics are turning his vintage Mustang into a drag racer] Why can't they just shoot it and put it out of it's misery? |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins Officer Tom Hanson: This is a vintage machine, it's a work of *art*. It's like a - it's like a Da Vinci. Officer Doug Penhall: Now it's a Warhol. |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins Officer Doug Penhall: [sarcastically to Hanson] Oh, you picked a *great* time to become irresponsible. |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins Cop: We are East Bound in pursuit of a street racer. |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins Officer Doug Penhall: [to the Police instructor] Just a thought, Sir. Didn't want anybody to get hurt. |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins Russell Buckins: Would you forget about the tattoo? Officer Tom Hanson: You can't forget about a tattoo, man, that's the point! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 11: - Christmas in Saigon Officer Doug Penhall: [impersonating Marlon Brando to Harry] You remember that night in the garden? |
| Season 2 / Episode 11: - Christmas in Saigon Officer Tom Hanson: To Reggie Peterson of Virginia. Captain Adam Fuller: And to everyone else we left behind there. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 10: - How Much is That Body in the Window? Jody Moreland: That's my music, Jordan. I heard it first. |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - How Much is That Body in the Window? Officer Doug Penhall: Can't a guy be in a good mood? Officer Tom Hanson: Not if he's you. Now cut it out, you're scaring us. |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - How Much is That Body in the Window? Gymnastics Coach: [to Jody] No, no, you're still leading with your hips. You're all over the place. Where is your concentration? |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - How Much is That Body in the Window? Officer Tom Hanson: Get over here. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - You Ought to Be in Prison Blonde #1: Did you go? Blonde #2: Oh, he was so good. |
| Season 2 / Episode 9: - You Ought to Be in Prison Derek: [to Johnny] We don't like you, hot shot. |
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