The Last Boy Scout Quotes
Jimmy Dix: She gets evidence to use against 'em, right?
Joe Hallenbeck: That's right.
Jimmy Dix: So now we have the evidence.
Joe Hallenbeck: What we got, Junior, is Marcone and Baynard by the nuts and that is why I love America.
Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal.
Joe Hallenbeck: That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife.
Alley Thug: Oh you did, hah? How'd you know it was my wife?
Joe Hallenbeck: She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat.
Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool for somebody who's about to take a bullet.
Joe Hallenbeck: After fucking your wife I'll take two.
Joe Hallenbeck: So... you don't think the cops can help you?
Cory: Sure. After I'm dead, they'll perform the autopsy.
Joe Hallenbeck: Leather pants.
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: What's something like that run?
Jimmy Dix: Six-fifty.
Joe Hallenbeck: Six hundred and fifty dollars?
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: They're pants.
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: You wear them?
Jimmy Dix: YES.
Joe Hallenbeck: They don't, like, have a TV in them or something?
Jimmy Dix: Nope.
Joe Hallenbeck: I am very old.
McCoskey: I've got bad news and bad news.
Lieutenant Benjamin Bessalo: Give me the bad news first.
Mike Mathews: [about Cory] She's hot, Joe. She rates a three on my finger scale. That means I'd cut off three of my fingers if God would let me fuck her.
Milo: Push this vile fuck off the road, man!
Jimmy Dix: I figure you gotta be the dumbest guy in the world, Joe. You're trying the save the life of the man who ruined your career, and avenge the death of the guy that fucked your wife.
Locker Room Kid: Billy Cole. Billy Cole.
Head Coach: The first half stunk! Open the holes up! Get in there like hogs! Like pigs!
Locker Room Kid: Billy Cole. You got a call on line three.
Head Coach: Let's go out there in this half and kick some butt! Let's get out of this town as a winner! I hate Cleveland!
Jimmy Dix: [Jimmy has just survived being thrown off an overpass and is now trying to calm startled motorists] It's okay. It's okay, folks. It's okay. It's okay. Thank you. Thank you. Danger is my middle name. Don't try this at home, folks. I'm a trained professional. There's me, and there's Super Dave. [Passes out]
[On pulling up to Joe Hallenbeck's home]
Jimmy Dix: Wow, an actual house. I was thinking a cave with... skulls and shit.
Joe Hallenbeck: This is the '90s. You can't just walk up and slap a guy, you have to say something cool first.
Darian Hallenbeck: The hell's that number on the back of your head? Is that like a license plate in case somebody tries to steal it?
Jimmy Dix: No. It's a football thing. It's my high school number.
Darian Hallenbeck: So when do you graduate?
Jimmy Dix: ...You wanna be left alone, don't you? I'll be in the kitchen, over here.
Joe Hallenbeck: I swear to Christ, Junior, if I survive this fuckin' case I'm gonna dance a jig.
Jimmy Dix: What?
Joe Hallenbeck: I'm gonna dance a jig, I swear to Christ.
Joe Hallenbeck: Oh, if it isn't Shelly Marcone himself.
Sheldon 'Shelly' Marcone: Careful, son. Just my friends call me Shelly.
Joe Hallenbeck: You got friends? When did this happen?
[Joe gets to his office, after waking up next to a dead squirrel a bunch of kids threw in his car]
Mike Matthews: What'd you do last night?
Joe Hallenbeck: I think I fucked a squirrel to death, and don't remember.
Lieutenant Benjamin Bessalo: There's a new invention out. It's called the razor.
Joe Hallenbeck: Too risky, I might start thinkin' about you and slash my wrists.
Billy Cole: Ain't life a bitch?
[shoots himself in the head]
Jimmy Dix: Feel like I've been rode hard and put away wet.
Joe Hallenbeck: What the hell does that mean?
Jimmy Dix: It's horse talk, man.
Joe Hallenbeck: They got the brothers ridin' horses now, huh?
Jimmy Dix: Yeah, cars're gettin' too hard to steal.
Joe Hallenbeck: You ever wear, like, a little cowboy hat?
Jimmy Dix: [laughs] I'm really good, man. Maybe I could take your daughter out. What's she like?
Joe Hallenbeck: She's like thirteen years old, and if you even look at her funny, I'm gonna stick an umbrella up your ass and open it.
Jimmy Dix: Do you want to get kicked off the planet?